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userpic

Mr. Jackson, How do I get my boyfriend to show up on time? He is always late! He never calls when he is going to be late. I feel very disrespected and have told him SEVERAL times to knock it off, buy a watch, etc! Sometimes he is even up to 30-45 minutes late? What is he doing?!

The only way somebody truly changes behavior is if some drastic consequence occurs because of their behavior. Being upset with your boyfriend and telling him to get a watch isn't working right? Then you've got to try something different.

I'm a person who's very serious about punctuality and being on time. I could never date anybody who was constantly late or constantly making ME late. I'd dump that person. That's how much I value my time. Now, that's probably as drastic as drastic will get and I can't in good faith recommend that. For one, I don't condone breaking up with somebody to prove a point, especially when it has the chance to backfire.

My suggestion would be to set his arse up. Next time he's late, leave. Or better yet, stop inviting him places. If you have somewhere to be and he's going to make you late, go without him. Or even tell him that he's not invited because he can't show up on time. Not that you're going to invite some other guy somewhere but let him know how serious it is to you.

Beating a kid doesn't always work but if you take away something they love, they get the message. Which takes us back to the good lovin'. If he won't act right, put him on a lovin' timeout.

And after you do the hardwork, if he still doesn't learn, then you have to decide how important it is to you. Perhaps he just can't ever be on time and you need to figure out if that's something you can deal with. Me? Absolutely cannot. But then again, I have like 75 watches.

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4 Comments

user-pic

My trick (and the one my mom uses too), is just tell him to be there half an hour before you want him to be there. If you know that you want to leave at 7:00, don't tell him that, tell him to be there at 6:30. That way even if he's half an hour late, he's there at the time you wanted in the first place. Just don't let him catch on to this method because that kind of ruins it.

rhilex

But see, that doesn't fix the problem. It's just putting a blanket over a mess to hide it for a while. It's still there, just under the surface. You need to let your partner know how important this is for you, and they need to learn to act accordingly.

ee

Thanks for your advice. I will try some of these suggestions and see what happens! I value my time too because I have so LITTLE of it. My day planner is my life and I should have stock in post-its.

user-pic

I had to do this with my mom when I was a kid; tell her the event was 30 minutes earlier than the actual time. Boy was she pissed when she found out I was doing this, but it was humiliating being late for everything.
I hope this man isn't 30-45 minutes late for work all the time. No manager is going to put up with that and neither should you. Tell him you'll wait 10 minutes, then you're going to go out with the girls. Either he'll shape up or you'll have the chance to look for someone better.

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