Unfortunately, you are in for a rocky ride on this one. When people talk about waiting to get married until they are older this is exactly why, that is, the people involved aren't neccesarily mature enough to be in a serious relationship.
People's weight fluctuates. Some months we can be chubby, the next skinny--many factors go into why our bodies are one way or the other on any given day, month or year. This is the kind of thing a married person who is mature understands.
The porn thing is whatever. Dudes like porn, so get over it. It's his reasoning that is totally lame and he's setting himself for a big fall. Hell, some day his body will probably change as well. I wonder how he would feel being called unattractive and fat? And what's he getting mad about?
Your husband needs counseling (you should probably be there too) or this marriage may be doomed.
good answer .. but the truth is this sucks ... when a girl gains weight and doesnt get all fancy ( high heels makeup ) we are disgusting and unattractive but when a guy gains weight burps on the couch scratches his butt in public its fine we accept it and love him anyways ...
double standards. you said it.
While the reasoning in MM's reply is correct -the lack of the level of maturity needed for a marriage- I think this is one of those questions where a little honesty goes far.
Whether we like it or not, weight matters in a relationship. Sure, physical attraction shouldn't be such a big foundation, but the fact is that you cannot help being attracted to the person you fell for, and not their bigger-sized self. I think the fact that he let you know means he actually cares about your marriage. He probably only backed down because he saw your reaction.
If your weight gain has occurred for something beyond your control, i.e. pregnancy, there's not much you can do right now. But if it has occurred because you're letting go, why not get back on track? Maybe you could work out with him. It would be a fun thing to do together, it would strenghten the bond, and get you both hot, sweaty, and in great shape. I can't think of a better aphrodisiac than that one.
I don't think he brought up her weight to be constructive, honestly. He was probably backed into a corner and didn't want to confess that he watches porn because he likes porn. As MM said, a person's weight fluctuates all the time, sometimes for no reason at all.
Even if he was trying to be constructive, the middle of a fight is not the right time to bring up your partner's weight- no matter what your intentions, it just comes off as mean and hurtful. If he had any concerns about her weight and/or health, he should bring it up in a non-confrontational way, not out of anger.
My ex tried this on me, but the kicker is that he also let himself go and thought that I was the one with the problem. I have health problems, so it's not like I can just take a few diet pills and exercise and BAM I'm thin again.
MM told the truth. Sure, weight can be an issue, but if he's this disrespectful to his girl, there's major problems in the relationship.
You know, when you're married to a person, they should really see more to you than just your weight alone. I'm a newlywed, and I've gained about 30lbs since I first met my husband, and his little general doesn't have any trouble standing at attention for me.
I think that this was probably just a way for him to rationalize his porn watching habit (which if you were fighting about it, I'm guessing it's become an issue). I think that you and DH should sit down and really talk about this, in a way that isn't confrontational. If he really is having issues with your weight, try and look at it from a health standpoint, instead of just looking at him as an insensitive douchecicle.
All my guy cares about is that I don't end up weighing MORE than he does, he understands that women get water weight when that monthly business comes around for a lady and what not, and also when women get preggers they are actually TOLD in many cases to GAIN weight (in a healthy fashion of course) to help the baby but I imagine it'd be more if you were having twins or more XD
Seriously I agree guys watch porn plain and simple, it doesn't hurt anything at all if they have a small collection a few mags and dvds. It's the girls gone wild and other stuff like that that I hate because most the girls on there are ruining future chances at good things by showing people how they act in public like that not to mention how namy of them are high/drunk/ altered mind frames. I wouldn't want to hire anyone who likes flashing their boobs unless they were to be a stripper or porn star in all honesty. But this isn't the point XD
Porn for guys = ok so long as they aren't going to the ordeal of bringing it out IN FRONT of you and jerking themselves off if he told her about her weight like that then he is an asshole. If he invites her time to time that'd be another story my bf knows I'm nmot into porn as I'd rather do it than watch it but he offers to let me watch every so often if I say know whatever it doesn't hurt us one bit.
As for the weight bit, no matter what your status is with someone it is a topic to be approached carefully. He could possibly not have meant it when he said it but at the same time it's a god awful reaction to her seeing him with porn. Was it gay porn or beastiality or possibly underaged/teenage held captive black market porn? If any of those he may not want her to know about those curious ideas he has. But he still could have said something other than lashing out like a kid who's about to have a toy taken away.
The weight topic should be taken carefully by both people but he should be supportive about her goals and not use it as a means to 'win' a fight over something. Hurt feelings and all that mess isn't worth it for stupid porn.
PS I WAS going to a point with this but forgot what it was XD shiny things are distracting!
40 yr. olds say these thing as well(be careful what you bitch about, you may end up with the problem, "weight"). As for the porn not a problem until they would rather get off that way then to have sex with their wife
To me, I have a feeling this guy might have done numerous other emotionally abusive things, either in the past, or to be committed in the future. I would probably get marriage counseling, and it that doesn't work, move on, sista! I've had a boyfriend that said mean things like that to me and let me tell you, that didn't end well. It never does.
Hey, hey, now, he promised to be with you for richer or poorer, not for thinner or fatter!
I'm kidding, of course. I agree somewhat with MM's stance on maturity- when someone gets married, they need to be aware that people change, and you cannot expect your spouse to be the same person, inside or out, for the rest of their lives as they were on your wedding day.
What he should really do to apologize is get you some hot guy-on-guy porno dvd's starring boys who are hotter than him. Just to be fair, and all.