You really shouldn't care who your bestie shares her bed with. It's obvious she knows, as do her dude friends, that there is nothing "innocent" about sharing blankets after a night of getting. Do guys enjoy snuggling up, or laying next to, hot chicks? Yes. Thank Zeus you have a place to ask such complex questions. Believe me, she enjoys it, too. I seriously doubt she's inviting hunchbacked trolls to bed.
Plenty of happy, fulfilling relationships have been built on a foundation of mutual self-deception.
Now about you. You sound, at best, jealous, and at worst, priggish. Stop that right now. It causes wrinkles. Sure, your friend is being lame, tacky, and is possibly a tease. But if it makes her happy, then so be it. She's your friend, and friends get each other's backs. They want the other to be happy. Happy! Unless these dudes are trying to steal her soul as she sleeps, pass no judgement on her sleepovers. I'm willing to bet, very soon, one of these party pals turns into her boyfriend.
Ouch. That stings, especially since I've been a fan of your answers and frisky mind of man. Nonetheless, thanks for the honest response.
But for the record: I don't think this is making her happy which is why I'm worried about her (even though I may come off as a jealous, priggish faux friend). I decided to raise the question since her last "friend" kissed her and she still had a boyfriend. After she broke it off with the bf, she started to obsess over why the other guy hadn't called her yet after telling her he liked her. It just seems really unhealthy to me and I've never seen her this distraught over guys and dating before.
Oh, come on, it wasn't that harsh. Let's all think happy thoughts. Bubbles! Yay!
Sometimes I feel women are wa-a-ay too hard on their female friends. And sometimes dudes are wa-a-a-y too easy on their friends.
Okay, so she's in a tender spot. She dumped a boyfriend to pursue another guy she made out with, and this dude left her in the lurch. It's like the old Aesop fable about the dog with the bone in his mouth crossing a bridge. The dog looks into the river and sees another dog with a bigger bone. It's his reflection of course, stupid dog. So the dog barks, wanting the bigger bone, and ends up losing the one he already had in his mouth.
She's messed up because she made a bad choice. I mean, she shouldn't have been sucking non-boyfriend face in the first place. But she made a bad choice, and now she has nothing. Sucks.
Maybe this "we're friends drunkenly cuddling" routine is just a defense mechanism; she's straining for intimacy, but is setting up strange boundaries. It's okay to worry about a friend. It's proper, even. Especially if she's unhappy. But sometimes you have to let people learn lessons on their own.
Just be there when she comes to her senses.
If she has (or had) a boyfriend then the guy friend-sleeping should stop. If my guy was co-sleeping with a female friend he would have all hell to pay for it! Especially if they were both drunk...
However - if there is no boyfriend... let the friend-sleeping commence!
If there's a boyfriend, friend sleeping shouldn't be happening unless the boyfriend knows and has already said it's okay (which I think would only happen if the friend were gay). Sounds like there's a deeper issue here though for sure. I don't think it's a big deal if both people know the score but devore's right that she could be "straining for intimacy" and that's when she could get hurt.
so if two drunk people fall asleep together and nothing happens...is that considered intimate? especially if its an unnecessary sleepover?..please give me a guy opinion on this.
Intimate, no? But if the guy wasn't there to witness what happened, definitely suspicious behaviour.
"Plenty of happy, fulfilling relationships have been built on a foundation of mutual self-deception."
I was drinking water while reading that and snorted, getting water up my nose, all over my screen and keyboard and on my speakers. Damn you!
I have an exception to the "If there's a boyfriend, friend sleeping shouldn't be happening unless the boyfriend knows and has already said it's okay (which I think would only happen if the friend were gay)". When my bf and I first got together (had only been together for like a month or two), I had a really rough night and called my best friend who happens to be a guy. (the friend has seen me through more of these problems and knows how to calm me down from them and make me feel better whereas my bf tends to be at a loss for words). My friend came over at 1am (after we talked on the phone for 2 hours), we watched a movie, and then we curled up and went to sleep in my bed. This was an entirely innocent endeavor, and though my bf didn't know ahead of time, he didn't have a problem with it when I told him the next day. (and neither did my friend's gf). I just happen to feel very comfortable with my friend (and it helps that he is now friends with my bf).
I fully see that this isn't the instance with the questioner, I just wanted to point out that there ARE exceptions.
Your friend dosnt "get it" yet continues to act like a moronaholic....and you are right there supporting her moronholic behavior. Grow up!