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My BF and I are held from moving forward (moving in together, marriage, etc) b/c he has a crap job that doesn't pay well and still lives w/ parents. Last month I got pissed that he is so lazy he's not even looking for a better job and he promised he would look harder. Month later, he still isn't trying. What now?

Does he actually want to move forward or is he perfectly happy as he is?

Figure it's high time for you two to have the "where are we going" talk.

In his defence though, decent jobs are not so easy to come by and crap jobs tend to be exhausting. Makes it easy to put off the job hunting due to tiredness, then put it off again, then think "It's the weekend, time to let off steam." Might not be sheer laziness.

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4 Comments

silkysly

You should definitely have a talk. If the status quo doesn’t change, tell him you are going to move forward with or without him. I would bother calling him or visiting him at mommy’s house for a while after that. (I’m not saying break up with him, just don’t make the effort where he is concern.) He will look around one day & notice you aren’t there. He will get with the program or not. Let him figure it out....

silkysly

(would=wouldn't)

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Just something to consider: if he's showing no motivation or dedication in this aspect of his life, you can probably expect to see similar patterns in other aspects of y'all's future together.

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So my guy and I, we had similar situation. I'm not satisfied with "having just any job", I know what interests me and I want to work on that field. In fact, it's important for my mental health. He, on the other hand, is just happy to do anything that provides enough money for the necessary things and his hobbies. I wish to buy a house on the years to come, so I aim for a little more money than "rent, bills, food and a hobby".

I had to go out of town to study what I wanted. He told me I can't move. I told him he can move with me. He said he wouldn't. I told him then he'd better get a job so I can travel between the two towns every day. He threw our engagement ring away. I told him well that's it then, you're not trying to find a job and make it possible for me to do what I want in the future. That'll only lead to bitterness and hate in the years to come, so what can I do but go.

He started really trying and got a job. Found the engagement ring, too. This isn't about me being bossy and too demanding, it is just me finally getting through how much I really want to study what I do, and him realising how much he wants to be with me.

What I'm saying is that, as stupid as it is, it's sometimes hard to realise how important something is to your SO before you're on the edge of breaking up.

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