Problem.
First question: why didn't he take you to the party? I've never been to a work Christmas party where you weren't allowed to bring a significant other. Was that the case here, or did he just not invite you? Or were you busy?
Obviously they all got drunk off their asses and no one wanted to drive--good thinking--so they crashed at the hotel. Makes sense. Whether something happened there or not, you'll never know, and you can worry yourself sick trying to guess, so don't. I'm with you, though--the whole situation is fishy, but the only solid thing you have to go on is his behavior since the party, and that's enough of a problem on its own.
If you are his girlfriend, why is he texting and hanging out with another woman? Isn't that taking away from time he could spend with you? I assume he's texting her when he's with you, since you've noticed it. Not good. I'm sure he tells you they are "just friends," and there's nothing wrong with guys having friends who are women. I have several--some I text here and there, some I meet for lunch twice a year or so. But if I started texting and hanging out with a particular woman "all the time," my wife would have something to say about that. And if that behavior suddenly started after a holiday party where everyone was wasted and spent the night in a hotel, she would have a lot more things to say about that, and they wouldn't be happy things, either.
You didn't ask me what you should do, so I won't tell you. That's your call. But I do think what he's doing is unacceptable.
Good luck--and thanks for your previous comments. Familiar names stand out when we're choosing with questions to answer.
THANK YOU for agreeing with me that this is fishy and unacceptable!!
I couldn't make it to the party because I was working but he had told me that he was coming home with his friend and would be back no later than 1 am... Which didn't happen.
It mostly bothers me that he couldn't think about me one second to call me, leave a message or text me. And if he couldn't think about me worrying, he probably wouldn't think about me if something was happening with another girl...
I told him too that it wasn't really that specific girl that made me mad, it was the fact that he spent more time with her than me...
I decided to talk to him about and ask him if he understood how I felt from my point of view. PRETTY sure that if I would've done the same thing as him, it would've been the end of the world.
He said he understood but last night, he hung out with said girl and didn't tell me until afterwards cause he didn't want me to be mad...
I don't really know what to do at this point.
Ugh. Can I say 'been there done that' without getting an eyeroll?
YEP.
Cary's right.
It's like Santa Monica seafood baby.
Fishy. Whichever direction you turn.
To digress to another species for a metaphor, they say "if it quacks and waddles, it's a duck".
Or to quote some ol' skool Public Enemy, "Don't believe the hype".
OK...I'LL KEEP MY DAY JOB AND LEAVE THE CLEVER QUIPS TO MISTER WISE-ASS.
For real though, his activity isn't normal, or comfortable for you. He didn't really apologize, just expected you to understand, and didn't take into account your position.
What this means is that you either have to accept it, (and by doing so, show him that it is acceptable and you will accept future similar behavior)
OR
NOT accept it. Take a huge emotional jump and tell him that you need some time away from him to consider what that meant to your relationship and where you will go from here.
Guaranteed he will freak. It's not so much playing a game with him, as it is standing up for self-respect.
Remember, you become what you tolerate.
I am with Wise Ass on this ((you)) all the best honey.
honestly, this guy obviously doesn't respect you anymore.
you should dump his ass and move on.
everything will change from this point on, and for the most part, down hill-changes.
good luck with everything though, know that you really do deserve better!!
I totally agree with goodkarmagirl, and of course Wise Ass.
Have another real talk with this guy. He should not hide you that he's seeing her. He should understand that his behaviour bothers you and spend less time with her.
If he doesn't, then he doesn't respect you. He doesn't understand why it's wrong. Did you ask him how he would feel if YOU were doing the same? sometimes, they just need to feel pain to understand what we're going through.
If after this second talk, he still doesn't do anything, seriously, there are good chances that he'll do things in your back.
If he can't respect you, YOU can. Do what you think is better for YOU, even though it might hurt. But don't let anyone disrespect you.
Good luck.
This guy does not have the balls to tell you honestly that he wants to dump you for another girl...so he's giving you hints to break up with him to have an excuse that it was you who called it off and not him. Give him that satisfaction, it will hurt but you deserve someone better and down the road when you look back you will be able to tell yourself that you did the right thing (letting him go!)
I talked to him today, seriously and told him that I was torn between being pissed, sad or leaving him.
He really took this as a shock that I didn't expect him to and he described to me everything that happened at the party. Turns out, IMPORTANT DETAIL HE HADN'T TOLD ME: The girl didn't even sleep at the suite!
Could've told me earlier...
He told me that he was sorry that he didn't realise how upset I was over this and that he's not going to spend time with this girl anymore if it makes me upset.
I have no reason to believe he's lying to me but I know all you skeptics out there will be trying to find something wrong so don't worry, I am keeping my guard up and still considering moving out for a bit, maybe we just need a break...
He's intelligent enough to have understood that what he was doing was overboard.
I don't think you need to move out, but let him the time to show you you're the one. He already made a first step by his reaction to your talk. That's a good thing. Just give it time to get over it. Seemed that he heard what you say, so no need to dramatise, in my mind. Just watch out how he behaves for the next weeks or month..
Girl i'm not being skeptical about this...you know him better than anybody else making a comment here so if you think he's telling the truth then work things out with him :) life is too short to worry too much. - the last comment before yours was mine. Hope things will be back to normal for you and him
I agree that this is shady behavior, but I HAVE worked for a company who did not allow spouses, significant others, etc. to their Christmas parties. It was a constant source of contention with the employees, but it also meant that our parties were crazy awesome because of the extra money that was spent on things like 5 star menus and top shelf open bars... it is unusual, but it happens.
Back to the shady boyfriend business. It's good that you talked to him, but I wouldn't close that door completely. The behavior is a little too iffy to put all of those eggs back in that basket.
Write a comment...just tried to send a msg, login, says I'm not a user?? I get sent these emails from Guyspeak all the time because I AM a member!!!
email i use most is ggemlove @ yahoo.com, please resend me login info, username? password? tyvm, Kristan
So new update:
It's getting worse and worse. We talked about it AGAIN and he said that he thought what he did was wrong and I said that we needed to work on this or split.
So we both compromised something: I said I would change my work schedual so that we could see each other more often (we have opposite work times)
and he said he would stop seeing this girl.
It's been two days and he saw her saturday night when I was working but didn't tell me.
I think it's break up time ;(
Sorry to hear that, but at least you'll find someone that would know that you are his one priority, and not some colleague.
Good luck.
Yes, this is completely break up time. It will hurt for a while but that's normal. Know that you're better off. Time heals all wounds.