Weellllllllllll, why exactly were your feelings hurt? Based on what you're saying about him it sounds like it would be nothing more than an observation. Not an observation with intent to fondle. Or that he's thinking about her sexually. I mean he might be, but I can't imagine him being dumb enough to intentionally talk to you about the boobs of a married woman he'd want to smang.
Are your feelings hurt because he noticed another woman's boobs? I guess I'm just not understanding what the big deal is. I suppose if he shared some fantasy about them to you, then yes, I can see that being way out of bounds and you getting in your feelings. And while I can see why it isn't the smartest move to comment on another woman's anatomy to your girlfriend, I can say that I don't know that it should warrant hurt feelings.
Even if he told you he played with them once upon a time, its in the past...his past. Should he mention it? Probably not, but hurt feelings? Again, I'm not sure.
I will acknowledge that perhaps I'm just being a man here and not understanding. But your question didn't give me enough to go on.
From where I'm sitting? I say let it slide. But perhaps the gallery can provide insight that I don't have.
Bueller?
Sorry I forgot to mention that it was a conversation she had with my boyfriend. She went on to describe her boobs in detail with him. I give him kudos for telling me. She knows about me, I understand they're bestfriends but why does she need to discuss those kinds of things to my boyfriend? She knows he's had a crush on her for years. Don't they see how disrespectful it is to me and her husband? Those conversation could very much lead to more and plus he went to her wedding and didn't invite me and told me about it a year later while we were together. Should I worry about them?
Not sure I totally understand your comment. Were you together at the time of the wedding or did you get together in that following year? How long had you been together at the time of the wedding? And if they're beat friends how did you not know about the wedding. It sounds like you weren't that close yet at the time of the wedding. How was she describing her boobs, complaint about how they look in a particular dress or a concern about breast cancer, or was she describing them in a way meant to turn him on. The hows matter here, what was the intent?
I think she pretty said there that she's already with him when the wedding happened. And it doesn't matter whether she's close to him or whatver at that time She is his girlfriend for crying out loud! He should be bringing her in as his date. She didn't know because obviously it was concealed from her. It doesn't matter how she described her boobs. jeez. the fact that she talked about her boobs to his bf, who's a straight guy is enough for this girl to be a lil bit worried.
How old are you?!?! This is the dumbest thing I've read today!
How rude are you? Your comment is the dumbest thing I've read today.
If you think you should be worried, then yes - you should be worried. And it sounds like you are. Why would he go to a wedding without you and not tell you? That's a big red flag. If you think he still has a crush on her while he is with you, why stay with him - even if she's married? I agree, the whole situation was weird - disrespectful only if he's keeping something past smangalation from you, which sounds like what you're really worried about. He did you no favors and gets no kudos by telling you about this interaction at all. You have boobs, too (I'm assuming.) Why aren't yours the topic of your conversations with him? I don't get the hurt feelings, but it sounds like this situation is going to be rife with hurt feelings if they're the kind of best friends that have possibly smanged and there's no trust involved.
Oh, and I have boobs, too. So you don't have to be a man not to get this one, Panama.
Girl, you just said he's had a crush on her. And he didn't bring you as a +1 to the wedding. RED FLAGS. He might be her boytoy. Keep your eyes and ears peeled and don't be afraid to dump his stupid ass.
Here's some advice:
1. Do not rag on him about this girl. Best friends talk about lots of inappropriate things. It's to his credit that he told you about the conversation at all. You will look insecure if you start busting his chops about a friend he's had before you were in the picture.
2. If you are concerned about this perceived crush, then the best strategy is to get to know this woman. Suggest a double dinner date with both couples. Have coffee with her, maybe asking her for some advice on your bf (on something trivial, like for a birthday gift or something) because she knows so much about the man. Be as sweet as pie - do not be confrontational. The objective is to make her at ease with you and understand that because she is his bf, and you like him, she must be a wonderful person. Whether you really like her or not is irrelevant - you will look good in your bf's eyes for reaching out to her and be in a position to observe her.
3. Shake off the wedding thing. Weddings are crazy & there could be a reasonable explanation or a wack one, especially if it happened when you & he just got together. To avoid a similar situation in the future, refer to advice #2.
Judging by the complete 180 from the cute sugar-coated original post to the dark and stormy follow-up... I'd say you have some... Challenges communicating. With yourself and others.
Worry about yourself.
Figure out how to clearly say what you mean. And think in the same terms. Opposite sex friends are fine: Healthy, honest friendships are not simmering in sexual tension from either side.
There should be some boundaries and (judging by what you've written here) not only do you not know what those are, you have not sent your boyfriend any clear definitions either so he can even consider honoring them. She and her husband really aren't your business.
Not only has he not done anything wrong, he's done everything extra-right. Avoid driving him crazy by getting over this situation fast. Figure out what boundaries make sense. Thank him a few extra times. Wear a low-cut top during the convo 'cause that's just funny.
Thank you guys! I shouldn't let this little indiscretion be the end all factor in mine and his relationship. I do have insecurities about opposite sex friendships. Me and him are working to better our relationship. It'll be tough and I am seeing a counselor to better myself. When all is said and done it does sound silly, no more me bringing it up to him again. Why would anyone tell anyone they have saggy big boobs? Lucky for me, mine are perky and big:)
Saggy big boobs? That's what hurt you?!? That's not an indiscretion, not even a little one. That's a girl complaining to a friend, that's not her coming on to him or anything. If she wanted to seduce him she wouldn't use the word saggy. Cool your jets girly, if you keep thinking about this as an indiscretion your going to resent him for it (and for nothing). Don't think of it as an indiscretion think of it as benign as commenting on her nail polish.
Agreed. I've always been the kind of woman who has more male than female friends and I've never come on to any of my male friends. When you're shooting the shit, you might well say something like this. If she was trying to turn him on, she wouldn't be complaining about her breasts sagging.
Heather best enjoy the perkiness of her own breasts while she can. Time and tide, as they say. As I've aged I've been glad to have a more modest rack. Yeah, they sag, but it isn't particularly noticeable.
It sounds like to me that you have an insecurity with this other woman because she has a special place in his life. That seems to be the cause of this. Which there is nothing wrong with you feeling this way and nothing wrong with him having her as a friend. It takes a special type of woman to be ok with her boyfriend having a bf that is a woman. I have only met one woman in my whole life that is actually ok with it. Every other woman I know pretends that they are. You can not pretend you don't feel the way you do, because it will eat you up inside. You will imagine terrible things and create a rift in your relationship. Also, blame may be put on her when it is actually not her fault. I don't know how to fix this. I can't say whether or not you should feel the way you do. But, you have to ask yourself is this ultimately something that I am going to be ok with? Because, if it's not...you have a decision to make. It would be wrong for you to make him make a choice when it is you that has the internal problem. Meeting her and spending some time with her may make it better and might be a good step to accepting it. Best of luck to you!