Your boyfriend really doesn't want to get married, at least not yet.The two of you have been together for a substantial amount of time, and it's getting to that point where you need to take your life and your happiness into your own hands.

Let's break this down: you've lived together for four years. Sometimes, men will surrender to living with their girlfriend as a way to stave off the inevitable. Lame, yes. But I think a lot of guys view marriage as auto-castration, which isn't true. Most of the guys I know who lose their balls during marriage lost them long before they put a ring on it. Speaking of... a promise ring? Really? Isn't that the romantic equivalent of an I.O.U? Furthermore, isn't that something that, like, high school kids do?

Is the idea that he's "promising" to propose to you one day? Oy. I think he gave you a "I'm still thinking about it" ring. It's like catnip. You stare at the ring and smile while he buys himself time. Time for what? To put off having to make a decision about his future for as long as he can.

Now, I don't think he's cheating on you. He's probably just drinking and dancing. Which is not drinking and sucking face. It's a set-up to that, but it's not the same thing. And at his age, it's not entirely appropriate. I have no problem with a guy who's almost forty dancing with a college girl. God bless 'em. But if he's living with a girlfriend, partying behind her back and making milquetoast "promises" that the relationship is going somewhere, I have to call foul.

He needs to either dump you or fully commit to you. He's had the time to come to a decision, or to tell you he's making a decision to not make a decision. You should help him with this, since your happiness is tied up with it. If I were harsh, I'd say this guy shouldn't be afraid of having his balls cut off, as he hasn't grown any to begin with. But I won't be harsh:if he doesn't want to get married, that is fine. If you do, he needs to know this. You shouldn't be the victim of his own identity crisis.

I do not doubt you love him, and there's no reason to think he doesn't love you. But actions speak louder than promise rings. If the two of you have opposing life priorities, and they seem irreconcilable, then you have to think of a future without him.