Jeepers, there's a lot going on here. Let me begin by saying that I have written about "open relationships" before, and I don't have a problem with them. I don't have a problem with them because I have total faith that two consenting adults have the right to define the rules to their relationship in any way they want, so long as those rules do not break laws. I know couples who are "polyamorous" and quite happy. From what I understand, they have drawn their own boundaries, and communicate regularly with one another. Could I pull off an open relationship? I have enough trouble with one person.
What I've learned from these friends is that couples who successfully manage a relationship outside of their relationship are "open" in every sense -- they talk about everything. EVERYTHING. It's all out there. If there's a secret to these relationships, it's that the "open" in "open relationship" means total emotional transparency.
Your husband is "aware" of the open relationship? Does he accept it? Is he free to engage in extra-marital relationships? Is "aware" a diplomatically self-deceiving way of saying he "tolerates" the open relationship? There's a huge difference between being aware of a behavior and approving of it. From just that word, I have to ask if he's putting up with your dalliances in the hopes that this is a phase, that you have a couple few oats that need sowing, and eventually you'll return to monogamy.
As for your boyfriend -- I guess he's "aware" as well that you have a husband. He could be getting emotionally attached. You want to "chill and just enjoy," but then you also get to go home and enjoy the emotional stability of a husband. Your boyfriend doesn't. It could be time to find a new plaything. You know that phrase "have your cake and eat it to?" It's a strange phrase as it's written, because it from ye olde English (when that island was lousy with wizards and elves.) It's easier to grasp if you rephrase it this way: "You can't eat your cake and have it to." You can't bang this guy, and expect him not to want more. In the beginning, I'm sure he was all about a little consequence-free booty. But obviously something has changed. Your cake is rebelling.
So, as I said, it's time to move on. As they say, there's always more cake at the cake store.
I'd be acting 'different' too if the girl I was banging had a husband of 9 years.
I'd be acting 'different' too if the girl I was banging had a husband of 9 years.
that's assuming he didn't know about it from the begining. i think the assumption that this response is opperating under is that the bf new about the husband from the begining and is acting differently than he was towards the begining. in which case it is understandable that she is troubled by his new behavior, whether or not one agrees with the nature of the relationship.