OK, you are doing good, and kudos to him too - a lot of people simply refuse to believe weed is addictive at all.
Moving on to your problem, one line stood out for me in your question:
"It seems like every day there is a new fire to put out & I'm the only one he has who can help."
I know you are trying not to be enabling here and you love him and want him to recover, but, if it is wearing you down to the point of stress you are doing far too much for him. Allowing him to depend on you, rather than on himself. He is replacing one dependancy with another - something that addicts are exceptionally good at doing.
One of the things they stress in rehab is the importance of doing things for yourself. The trite phrase "Life goes on" allows you to look yourself over and find the core of inner strength that gets you through the tough times, the temptations and the cravings. It also helps combat the depression that we all go through in the initial stages.
How bad is the depression he is in at the moment? That usually kicks in around week 4 and lasts for a couple of weeks, a reaction to the "pink cloud" of week 3. His timings may be different, of course, those are just the averages, but the stages are the same for every addict.
Now, you have to back off. Talk it over with him honestly. Let him know that yes, you are there for him if he really needs you and that you love him, but it is time for him to start facing things on his own without help, if only to prove to himself that he can and that he is not worthless (he'll be feeling that too, we all do initially). Let him read this if you wish, so he understands why.
As for taking care of yourself - treat this exactly the same as if you have over done things at work.
Make some "me" time, forcibly if necessary, to do something you love for a couple of hours per day to let you relax and unwind. If he is not a live in BF, turn your phone off at night at least a couple of times a week so you get a full nights sleep (yes, most crises happen at night, and that is a killer). Eat properly, as I am willing to bet you have been neglecting that too out of worry if nothing else, and include plenty of fresh vegetables.
Starting to sound like a mother here, aren't I! I won't go so far as to give you a chicken soup recipe, but you get the idea.
You are a good person, obviously loving and caring. Spend some time giving equal priority to loving and caring for yourself.
OK?
Luck and best wishes to you both.
It’s very hard to be that person your friend counts on. I’m facing a similar, but different, situation where my son leans on me, which I would NOT give up for the world. Stay strong!
A recommendation from the FB page has come in from Cynthia Robinson, a regular and respected reader and commenter there.
The book: Codependent No More.
This book I have read, and, though not entirely what you are going through, has some good advice for you. See if you can get it out of the library and check it out.
good call...
THANK YOU for including that is is possible to get addicted/dependent on weed! Everyone always pulls the "there's no chemical in weed that can cause addiction or withdraw." Well, there are no outside chemicals involved with sex or gambling, but we all know people can get addicted to those.
It's simply a fact that there is no chemically addictive substance in weed, the 'pulling' that fact out is a misunderstanding or complete lack of understanding of how non-chemical addictions work. Nor, on the opposite end of the spectrum, is it something for you to use as a vindication for your personal feelings about the substance. Personality, emotional stability and willpower will always be a factor in ANY non-chemical addiction, however, for many people the addiction is perpetuated by a malfunction in the reward center of the brain whereby their substance/activity of choice stimulates the release of endorphines and peptides which are not released when engaging in a healthy activity which would normally provide pleasure and a sense of accomplishment/fulfillment.
Thats awesome that you are sticking by him. I got out of detox yesterday. I was in there for pain pill addiction. My boyfriend of almost a year refused to come see me in there since he is so busy with work or whatever his excuse is. I tried telling him the most important thing i need right now is support and all he said was this is your problem not mine and said when I get out then everything will go back to "normal". Whats the funniest part is that he has been trying to convince me to start trying for a family with him. I already have a child from a previous relationship. And I told him my biggest worry was that he wouldnt be there for me.... obviously he wouldnt be. What kind of a joke that he thinks I would want everything to go back to normal haha. wow!!! so way to go with sticking by his side!!!!
Hi everyone, this is the Question Asker! Thank you all for your kind words and support. I appreciate it all and will try to do a better job of taking care of myself so that I can be supportive of my boyfriend. He is a wonderful person and totally deserves to be happy.
@Mystery Man and Lane - You're EXACTLY right. Even if you're not addicted chemically, the effects of weed still change your brain chemistry! You can become dependent on that feeling - I have learned a LOT about it in the last couple of months. If someone doesn't think you can get addicted or dependent on weed, they're dead wrong.
@Justyne - I hate that your boyfriend has that attitude. I've learned that significant others and family members have to recover just like an addict does. I wish I could give you a big hug right now!