"He has never taken me out." Are you saying you never go out, or just that he never offers to pay when you do?
If you two never go out anywhere together, then I would say that he's using you for sex (or hopes to soon). Real boyfriends take their girlfriends out on dates. He sounds more like an FWB if this is the situation.
If you go out but he has never offered to pay, then he's probably just your garden-variety tightwad. Still, never offering to pick up the check, not even on the first date, is bizarre, even by penny-pincher standards. Is he broke? Does he work? Is he saving up for a catcher's mitt? Does he think you have a lot more money than he does? None of these are valid reasons not to buy you dinner; I'm just wondering what's behind his odd behavior.
The lack of gifts I can understand, not because it's okay, but because it sounds more like normal guy behavior. We don't always think of gifts, and often have to be trained by wives and girlfriends to do the little things that make romance fun. But not once offering to buy you a meal? I don't get that. Even a poor person can buy you a smoothie or some Chili Pups, or at least cook you dinner at his place.
You have two choices: talk to him about it or dump him. Since he's "perfect" in every other way, I say start up a conversation about it. Just be tactful, of course, because technically he doesn't owe you anything. But then, "technically" and romance have little do with each other. I'm with you--he could at least offer.
I hate the training part of the relationship but it is sooo worth it!
I love Cary but I like MM answer to this one today as well.
From Merriam-Webster's dictionary I hope this helps:
Definition of PERFECT
1 a : being entirely without fault or defect : flawless b : satisfying all requirements : accurate c : corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept d : faithfully reproducing the original; specifically : letter-perfect e : legally valid
2 a : expert, proficient
3 a : pure, total b : lacking in no essential detail : complete
If you think your bf fits this definition then God bless you.
when i meet my husband he took me a bought me a coffee on a cold day in december but i dont really drink coffee but i did that day because he payed for it an its all he had the money for i cant say our relationship is perfect since i just filed for divorce yesterday but we had other things that brought us down but its the thought that counts a man should atleast offer to pay or pay at least once
Take a breath, girl.
i dont know how i am always being told to take a breath and i never do when i have an opionion i state it an i will argue it till the day i die if i have to
Mkay.
Neither of your responses had any punctuation at all. It reads as if you said it all in one giant breath. Your English teacher was good for something after all.
My guy of nearly three years barely paid for anything. Which would be fine, except he never organised for us to go out either. And he was very well off compared to me. His idea of a fun night was me watching him watch cartoons. Whoo. And he's in his twenties. And eventually, we pretty much never had sex either because I kept bringing this issue up, and he kept ignoring it as being "my problem", and then he'd get "too annoyed with me to find me attractive".
Some guys are lazy, immature, and basically pointless to be with. If you don't address this now, and see where the conversation takes you, you won't find out if your guy is pointless to be with or if he's got some other reason for it. Sometimes people need things pointed out to them. Once he sees he's hurting you with this, if he's a keeper and he loves you, then he'll want to do whatever he can to make you happy, as you're already clearly doing for him.
Hey! As I was reading your question, I had to have a little laugh to myself. You and I are pretty similar. When my boyfriend (of over two years now) started dating he would do the same thing. We NEVER went out and when we did it was me doing the asking. But, I just talked to him. And honestly, it was the best thing we could have done. I understand why he didn't do that very often, and he understands that its something that I (and most girls) need. He is not very well off unlike the comment above me, and also not very creative so he had trouble figuring out cheat fun ideas for us. If you are serious about him, just talk to him (don't yell or argue). Let him know how you're feeling and what you want from him. If he is just plain unwilling, however, dump his imperfect ass and move on. In relationships there has to be a golden rule and that's got to be the clichéd but oh so true, "communication is key."
say no to cheapskates!
I hate to tell you girlfriend but that is just not acceptable. Me and my fiance are young and are on tight budgets. However, we pay for our fair share of dates. If one of us is short on cash the other may pay for all the dates for a week and then when the other has money they will balance it out and pay for the next week of dates. If anything, we will just rent dvds, go to the budget theater, get ice cream, or fast food, etc. It may not be a high class girl's dream date but for us it works since we're young. There are always cheap date alternatives and if he can't pick up the tab on even those then he is not worth your time honey.
How can you start a question with 'my boyfriend is perfect' and then follow it with a laundry list of complaints... Clearly he is not perfect.
Perfect for what?!? NEXT!!
I have an FWB. Yes, friends with benefits. Guess what, he pays for EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. We go out to eat or the movies, he pays. Why? Because he has a good job as an engineer and I'm a full time student and a single mom. That and he's a nice person. I give back by helping him clean his place and I cook a great deal (I know this sounds like a "real" relationship but it's really not. It works for us though).
This guy is an ass. If I get asked out and that guy doesn't pay or even at least OFFERS to pay, I NEVER see him again. That is bogus behavior. How can you put up with that bullshit? Seriously?
It's not that it sounds like a real relationship.. it's that it is! thats everything a boyfriend is meant to do.. lool..
Really? Really really? I had no idea things still went like in the movies in America. I'm from Portugal and around here a guy offering to pay for the whole date is rare and you generally refuse. You just split the whole thing down the middle mostly, unless you had a salad and a bottle of water and he had the lobster and a glass of Bordeaux.
It would feel strange to have him pay for my food like he owes me for having spent time with him I think.
Outlander here, too!
When I read the question, all I could think was "whoah, selfish b**** alert!" I wrote a rather nasty comment, but rethought submitting it. Let's see if I can say this nicer (and shorter).
I don't give gifts to my fiancé. My reasons are as follows: we've a tight situation with money. He never tells me what he wants and if I buy a thing he doesn't need or want, it bugs me. When we do have money, we're the kind of people who'd rather put it on an account somewhere and eat noodles one more day, happy knowing we have some emergency money.
I could be very wrong, but I got the impression you've not dated for long - are you sure your guy isn't like us, too? Low on money and/or happier when he knows he has a bit of money hidden somewhere incase something happens?
Another issue for me is, why are the gifts so important? Do they make you feel more loved? The moment I feel most loved is when I come back home after 5am to 6pm day (yeah, my uni days are quite long on any standard, it's the travelling that takes time), my guy is in the kitchen making me dinner, has cleaned the cat's litterbox or vacuumed and dusted the apartment through and through. It's the small things that matter.
I understand your point if you've dated for years and he really _never_ paid for anything, or brought you even a hamburger. If you on the other hand have been together merely a couple of months (and you calling him perfect somehow hints that), "never" for you is rather short while.
My initial reaction in your case would be to stop giving the guy gifts and free lunches. Some others might be right that he is using you, but it could also be just that he doesn't have a lot of money to spend, OR he could be saving it to buy something expensive. When the stuff stops coming, his reaction should be revealing.
hmm.. i dont eaxctly know whether this is the right place to talk about relationship things. But this thing is really unbearable!
i dont know whats going on with this guy, which is my bf, we ve been tgethr for 4months, but.. he within this period, he just gave me 2 cheap gifts, and a bday cake (on my b'day).
Next is, he hardly pay for the dinner/lunch/etc, whenever he went to pay first, he would just pay for his part, excluding my part.
Next is, Im feeling that he is very stingy, eventou he told me that that price is affordable/not expensive, but he just didnt buy it but instead looking for a cheaper one.
Next, Im feeling like he is just taking me (a gf) either as a friend or a slut. when he didnt need me, he will just put me aside, and busy with his movies and games. And the shittest thing is, he will come look for you and hugging you watsoever when he is on.
so, im really confused whether he actually loves me or not. is he using me only?
I once asked about the feeling, and he said he loves me. But according to what I see in the daily life, He is hardly:
- saying I love u/ I miss you
Reason: because he already called me 'honey'
- hardly saying goodnight/ sweet things
Reason: because we are closed-by, not in a long-distance relationship. He also said: If he says lots of sweet things (e.g: iloveyou, imissyou, goodnight and so on), it would be less meaning later on.
what am i supposed to do? He s just staying next to my room, but he hardly come by except in lunch/dinner time or when he is On. And the rest of his time, will just stay in his room.
I'm seeking advices now. Really appreciate all of you before and after.
:)