Well, honestly, a lot depends on how he handles it. If he just signs child support checks and that's it, probably it won't have a lot of impact on your relationship. If he want to get involved, then things could get ugly, emotionally speaking, and fast.
Realistically speaking you're under zero obligation here. To be honest, if you really think you can't take the drama, it's time to walk away. I would wait and see what he does and how he copes before making that call, but as cold as this may sound, if you can't deal, it's better to end it now.
Related Links:
Honestly if he didn't want a genuine relationship with his child I would run. What if that happened to you? Would you want to be a single mother with no help from the father even if you weren't together? Would you want a guy who treated their kids like that and abandons them? Those would not be the makings of a good, reliable guy.
There are a lot of people around who are able to keep good boundaries as co-parents without bringing in a ton of drama. I'm a divorced mom and can tell you it's possible and doesn't necessarily mean drama.
On the other hand, I agree. If you can't deal with it it's better to leave now. In either case you will learn a lot about whether he is really a stand up guy who can think about others.
Agreed! Before my parents were together my dad dated some chick and he told me (obviously years later) that he ended it with her because she had a child and yet when he was moving to another country for a year she wanted to go with him, leaving her child behind. That made my dad not like her anymore. Right on Dad!
What on earth are you people saying about this poor guy? He got a girl pregnant (okay takes two) but the girl told him she HAD an abortion, which was also what he wanted to happen. And then the same girl turns up 13 months later and says, surprise! I lied!
If I were the guy, I would have a paternity test to ensure she really did mot hsve the abortion, and if all he does is pay child sport for the next 18 years (poor sod), I do not think it reflects poorly on him if he chooses to have nothing to do with the child. If the irth mother thinks two parents re important, she should put the child up for adoption to a family with two loving parents.
I am a woman, with a teenage child.
I feel so sorry for this guy.
For the woman asking the question, agree with Dan. Find out what your bf is going to do, and then work out if you are able to support that decision. (and hope your bf uses condoms to ensure no more babies!).
First, this really stinks for the OP - this will most likely change their relationship. This other woman does sound unstable, so drama is probably almost guaranteed. But if this man turns his back on his child and doesn't even at the least pay child support, it says a lot about his character. Yes, it's really unfair that she lied about getting an abortion when that's what he wanted, and yes, he should absolutely get a lawyer and demand a paternity test, but if it's his child, whether he wanted it or not, he's at least financially responsible for it. What if 13 months ago she told him straight out she refused to get an abortion instead of deceiving him? If he chose back then to have nothing to do with the baby, people would call him a deadbeat dad. Elapsed time doesn't change that.
LOL this is guyspeak, they gotta cater to the primary audience. I agree, but I did not expect the elephant in the room to be touched on. After all, it might drive away female visitors lol. And since the woman can't in anyway be praised, GS has to ignore her lol.
Yeah, if it was me, I would demand a pregnancy test. If the child was mine, I would demand joint custody with the child living with me part time as the only way I would support the child. Any woman who lies about getting an abortion I do not trust with cash to actually use for the child. I know guys who visit their kid to only see him/her borderline neglect while the woman they right the checks to gets $20,000 plastic surgery jobs. No custody no money, and I can afford good lawyers. And any money I do have to pay, I will have the lawyer to file a motion to ensure that the money is spent for MY CHILD ONLY, not for her luxuries, and she will have to account for it. Sadly this probably won't happen because the courts care more about extorting from men then helping children.
If the biased courts order me to pay money without any means for me to hold her accountable, I will simply leave the US, for good if needed. Child support is for the child, not so the woman can have a high life.
Oh, and, yeah, my wife would never even consider leaving me, regardless how dramatic it became. This would be the biggest moment of my need, therefore she would be there the most for me. She'd even help me with the kid, since I've helped her so much with hers. Sure awesome having and awesome woman who will stand by you when the consensus says to simply, leave him.
I think staying or leaving all depends on this woman's emotional maturity and the seriousness of their relationship. Just because they've been together for a year doesn't mean they were planning a future together. I feel like this is a turning point, because staying will probably up the commitment level of their relationship, and if she loves him and wants to be his support then nows the time they'll see that. If not, if it's just been a year of fun with no talk of a future or commitment beyond let's see a movie next week, then she shouldn't feel like she has to be his rock in this, if she doesn't want to be. And those are things only she knows.