Well, as long as you use language like "nag" to describe what you're doing you will see it as such.
There's nothing nagging about wanting a grown man (your partner) to behave within reasonable bounds around you or your friend group. I'm not sure your mother should be defined as nag either. If your Pop throws down a Heineken once in a while or can easily handle a few drinks here and there, sure she is being a nag, but if his drinking impacts those around him and consistently mutates his personality, guess what? She's not a nag. He's got the problem. Not you or your mom.
But back to your man. Nowhere in the relationship handbook is there a statement that reads: partner A is charged with babysitting and monitoring partner B's drinking and behavior. If, after expressing your discomfort with his behavior, he still doesn't reel it in you need to think about what that means. Perhaps your values are not aligned. Perhaps the consideration he has for you is not as strong as you deserve.
Take in my advice, let it settle in your belly, and if you wish, let me and the GuySpeak community know what you decide to do...
Don’t babysit him is right.
Walk away & let him deal with his behavior alone. A simple, “I’m not having fun, I’m going home. I’ll see you later.” Follow that up by actually leaving. If he whines about how is he suppose to get home, tell him he is a grown @$$ man & he can figure it out. NEVER let him drive in that state. If it’s his car tell him you are saving a life tonight & he can thank you later & just go.
You cannot have a discussion with someone drunk or sober who doesn’t realize they have a problem. I was married to an alcoholic & I should know. Best of luck baby girl..., best of luck.
I dunno, sounds to me like he isn't much of a drinker except for social gatherings so alcoholic is a bit too harsh a term. If the Asker is anywhere in her 20's or even 30's then my biggest suggestion would be to look at how he was in college/his college years (18-22). Was he a big party guy? Was he a binge drinker student where he'd get plastered on the weekend but stay clean on the weekdays? If so, then it's probably a learned behaviour. He will equate friend hang-out time to drinking heavily and being an ass. Does that excuse the behaviour? Of course not. But it doesn't sound like he has an alcohol problem, more like a lack of understanding.
(ps.., A guy who doesn't know his limits has a problem.)
Yes, but whose limits? I had an ex girlfriend who thought I was plastered off my gourd after two beers, when in reality I was just barely feeling it and was just having fun with my friends. I had another girlfriend who would take no issue with me being so drunk I couldn't remember my own address (not a moment of pride for me). The point is, in his mind the limit is set at a certain level, in her mind it is set at another. He doesn't sound like an alcoholic by any standard, and she states that it is a 'turn off' not that he is overly rude or mean or violent.
If my fiance ever bailed on me for 'drinking too much' when we had not really discussed any limits, or, if I was with all my friends at my own place, I would have a serious problem with that. I, at one point, had an issue with alcohol, a real issue, not a once a week thing it was an every day after work drunk thing. Had a lot of issues, depression, family disowning me, etc (full story in the many other posts I have made on this website haha). But I got through it and changed myself and my life for the better because my fiance worked through my issues with me. A good rule to remember is: Before you decide to bail on your boyfriend or girlfriend, remember that it might turn into a permanent thing.
Oh, and I don't drink at all anymore, haven't for nearly two years.
I know how you feel. My step dad is an alcoholic; so I pretty much grew up around it. My current boyfriend drinks every night. He has a degree and a good job, but every night he comes home and has 2-5 drinks(whiskey and coke). It makes me really uncomfortable. He asked me one night if his drinking was becoming a problem, and I said yes. He agreed with the fact that it may have been causing the recent problems we were having. He agreed to stop drinking. Well that lasted about two days and he was right back to doing it again. I asked later on why he started back up, he said that nothing changed in our relationship as a result of his not drinking, so he didn't see the point of quitting. It doesn't get in the way of his job, which I am thankful for, but it does affect his mood. I worry about his health, because it will kill a person. Also, I fear that his behavior could become violent down the road. My mother told me that my step dad wasn't always aggressive or belligerent, that he had started out as a "happy" drunk, but as the years passed that all changed. I read when dealing with alcoholics, a person can only control their own actions. They cannot control their significant others drinking. And that it is important not to become too codependent. Well that is easier said than done.