This has been coming up a lot lately. First of all, I blame the video games. Games today are just too awesome. They are deeply immersive worlds that suck innocent folks in with their amazing graphics and seemingly endless gameplay. Have you heard the term "sandbox game," usually used to refer games like Grand Theft Auto? As in "there is so much to do in this game, it is literally like being a kid in a sandbox." They inspire people to do crazy things, like marry a fictional game character or file frivolous lawsuits involving Winona Ryder and a member of Depeche Mode because the monthly subscription rate is too high. In the old days, the most we had to worry about was the occasional sore thumb or bout of "Pac-Man Fever."
There is one surefire way to get his attention: tell him it's the video games or sex. Remind him of the days when he was a dateless wonder, the time when his only friends had names like Sonic the Hedgehog and Solid Snake. (That's the character from Metal Gear, not a reference to masturbation.) If he's turning down sex in order to spend more time killing zombies, perhaps he has a problem.
Video game addiction is a serious thing. While psychiatry has yet to officially recognize it as a mental affliction, it's been well documented on the Internet. (There are actually treatment centers all over the world.) Tell him the sad story of how one man's addiction to the game Everquest cost him his job, his car and his girlfriend. Tell him you're worried for his mental health. Look for signs of depression or changes in behavior patterns. Has he given up other things he enjoys for video games? Does he tend to get easily depressed or agitated? Is he blowing rent and food money on the latest Call of Duty game? Also, how often does he play? There is a difference between being into video games, and sitting for hours on end, only getting up to replenish your Mountain Dew and frozen burrito supply.
Besides concerns over his mental health, you also have to look at this in the usual relationship terms: Is he still into being together? Is this his way of communicating to you that he's unhappy in the relationship? Are you happy being with someone who would choose video games over actually going out and having a good time with you? In relationship terms, it's no different than if he would rather watch football, go bowling or drink into the wee hours of the night with his friends over spending time with you. It all boils down to his ability to balance his hobbies with his relationship.
You can also try playing games together. This could bring you together, but also draw him more into the social aspect of gaming. It's a good place to start at least. He'll see you're showing an interest, and hopefully this will lead to him focusing more on you and your needs.
There is one surefire way to get his attention: tell him it's the video games or sex. Remind him of the days when he was a dateless wonder, the time when his only friends had names like Sonic the Hedgehog and Solid Snake. (That's the character from Metal Gear, not a reference to masturbation.) If he's turning down sex in order to spend more time killing zombies, perhaps he has a problem.
Video game addiction is a serious thing. While psychiatry has yet to officially recognize it as a mental affliction, it's been well documented on the Internet. (There are actually treatment centers all over the world.) Tell him the sad story of how one man's addiction to the game Everquest cost him his job, his car and his girlfriend. Tell him you're worried for his mental health. Look for signs of depression or changes in behavior patterns. Has he given up other things he enjoys for video games? Does he tend to get easily depressed or agitated? Is he blowing rent and food money on the latest Call of Duty game? Also, how often does he play? There is a difference between being into video games, and sitting for hours on end, only getting up to replenish your Mountain Dew and frozen burrito supply.
Besides concerns over his mental health, you also have to look at this in the usual relationship terms: Is he still into being together? Is this his way of communicating to you that he's unhappy in the relationship? Are you happy being with someone who would choose video games over actually going out and having a good time with you? In relationship terms, it's no different than if he would rather watch football, go bowling or drink into the wee hours of the night with his friends over spending time with you. It all boils down to his ability to balance his hobbies with his relationship.
You can also try playing games together. This could bring you together, but also draw him more into the social aspect of gaming. It's a good place to start at least. He'll see you're showing an interest, and hopefully this will lead to him focusing more on you and your needs.
OR alternatively you could do what my sister did to get her husband to stop playing video games (and it worked!):
Take the offending discs, put them in a pile, grab boyfriend. Sit him on the couch. Take the first disc, hold it up in his face, and SNAP IT (you could even throw it at him if you like).
Rant a little, make sure he gets the point, if he gets huffy... pick up the second disc and threaten to snap it. Snap it if you have to. Eventually he'll get the point, or he'll end up sobbing, and if he ends up sobbing he probably really did have a problem.
My sister's husband doesn't even turn the playstation on anymore.
(P.S. This could either work, or it could GO VERY BADLY. Also it was rather spur of the moment rather than calculated for my sister, I think she went into a psycho rage about it.)
I do not in any way condone or recommend property damage as a solution. No breaking discs, no throwing controllers in the trash, no smashing of his Xbox as the woman in this (probably fake) viral video did...
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1925223
I would immediately and forcefully evict anybody from my life who had the audacity to think that destroying my belongings would be making some kind of point. I do not even kid here. If it's not something we can talk through like rational people, breaking my stuff isn't going to fix it; it's going to earn you a restraining order.
Well, I'm glad you're not my brother-in-law, because my sister would be very lonely.
It was only once, and it was only one game. What's 60 bucks, when you're frustrated to the point that you start breaking shit? Plus, do you think she hadn't talked to him, asked him to put it away, told him to play it later, etc, etc? He didn't value the game enough to go out and buy a new one, and he valued their marriage enough not to freak out because he knew that he provoked it in the first place. I don't condone people breaking stuff in anger, it's not good. And I really only posted that story as a joke, since it's not something anyone I think would reasonably consider, it's just something that happens if circumstances reach a boiling point.
That being said, my dad breaks shit all the time. If he thinks my music is stupid (no not even offensive, just stupid) he'll snap the CD. Leave a bowl in the sink, he'll smash it against a rock. He broke the HD cable box the other day. Course, in my parents house he's the only one who watches the TV, so that was a dumb move. Is he angry when he does these things? No, just annoyed. We don't even care anymore (well mostly since we live away from home), we just laugh it off. But from him I've learned that possessions are just meaningless things. I wont go around breaking other people's stuff (I don't get angry enough to do it anyways), but if someone smashed something of mine I'd look at my own behavior first, and then adjust accordingly.
... the only thing that really makes me want to break stuff, is people texting other people while they're supposed to be spending time with you. ARGH! Or in the movies. That's the worst. If people started smashing phones in those situations, I think the world would actually be a better place.
Breaking your own stuff is okay, I guess, but deliberately breaking somebody else's is definitely crossing a line. I wouldn't do it, and I sure as hell wouldn't put up with it being done to me.
Don't get me wrong, I sympathise with your sister on this, and she's lucky it worked. I do know people who play games at the expense of everything else in their lives, and it's pretty sad (not to mention frustrating).
yea not a good idea...
Everything should be taken in moderation.
Have you spoken with your boyfriend about your feelings? That's the first step.
Heh - my wife said, "Shake your jubblies at him and say play with these or play with that - but not both"
I'm on board with this.
I like this one too! Men are visual creatures. I think that works MUCH better than an email telling them your feelings. It is simple and too the point. Also, men love boobies.
With regards to video game addiction, it can be a serious thing. I have played world of warcraft, on and off, for over four years now. I have seen people really suffer. I have seen a man lose his wife, lose his kids (wife divorcing him and taking the kids). I have seen people just tread water for four years. No progress in their lives during formative years. It's really sad. I have watched a friend battle depression and eventually lose his quite rather coveted job that took him 17 years to acquire (rising ranks in one company), all from this game.
I have also seen people play for years for 10-20 hours a week without it affecting their life negatively. Yes, they spend a fair chunk of free time on it, but not all. So, it depends on the person. How much is too much? Just what they say about other things, it's an addiction when it starts to negatively impact normal life. Poor job performance, losing friends, and so forth.
I had trouble in school because of this game, however, I still play and have found a way to balance life and gaming. I play only a few nights each week, and usually for only a few hours. I play casually now instead of competitively.
If you don't think you would get addicted, then I would recommend joining him in gaming. It's fun! And, you will understand what you're really up against :-)
Hope things work out for you!
I used to have a bf that seemed like he would rather hang with the boys than with me... I would have to fight for his attention and after 3 mons I couldn't take it, so we broke up. To this day we are friends and he's not one to express his feelings but when he does express them, I wish we were together. Now, I realize that it wasn't that he DIDNT wanna b with me, he just had a hard time transitioning out of "Single Boy" stage. What I'm saying is, just be understanding that guys LOVE video games and hanging w friends.... and TELL HIM that you just want more time with him.... also, you would be surprised how much you probably like video games if you tried playing them with him! Trust me :)
I officially am going to go ahead and blame Modern Warfare: 2 for 50% of the divorce rate within the next 5 years.
I hate you, Modern Warfare. I really, really do.
Funny, I just now "said goodbye" to my husband as he disappeared inside his $200 gaming headphones to continue the campaign on MW2.
I actually loved Modern Warfare. It's the best game ever invented (well that, and GTA4 and the first Halo). The first one, and now this one, have become my "comfort sounds" while I spend hours in the kitchen with MY hobby, cooking. So we're both doing our own thing.
But like Nick said, games today are just too awesome. It's easy to get sucked in. And a balance needs to be found. When he started getting a little too distant, I employed various tactics to keep us connected. I played games with him, for one, or at least sat and watched entire stories, like Uncharted 2 - FUN TO WATCH together. Seriously. Or if I really felt like we needed to spend more time together, I simply told him how it was affecting me emotionally and that I wanted him to stay off for just an evening or two.
I think if your boyfriend can't at least manage that small of a break, then yes, something is definitely wrong, either with his mental state or your relationship. You shouldn't feel like you're competing against a virtual world. Talk to him and be as honest and straightforward as you can, without getting angry. Best of luck to you.
wow, I seem to have the same problem. my bf comes home from work, changes his clothes (sometimes) and immediately turns the PS3 on. I've made my feelings known. it's like he is still at work and I'm still home by myself. so i started doing the same to him. i've grown to like a computer game and play it often. when his son is playing the PS3 and he's in the living room, I'll sit in the dining room playing on the computer. eventually he'll come in and say something to get my attention. I'll simply say, "how do you like it? being ignored like you're not even home"
My boyfriend loves video games. (We go to a tech school, so it's kind of implied). I've never really been into them, but I did watch him play BioShock though and it was even fun to just watch. He gave it to me and helped me play through it. He also does stuff that I'm into. He'll go for walks with me while I take pictures and we take the train into the city and go to museums. He even tried Ethiopian food. You both have to be willing to do things that you might not (think) you enjoy.
I'm not saying it's okay that your boyfriend is addicted to video games, but maybe it just seems that way because you're not included. I'm sure he'll be happy if you ask to play with him, and he'll probably be willing to return the favor.
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hahha I agree