I suppose you're being a jealous bitch, but who wouldn't be? It's a normal reaction to a tough situation. That doesn't mean you don't need to get over it.
I'm sure you are happy for your friend that she has a guy in her life, but you can't help but miss what you had. The situation is more complicated than just jealousy, too, and that's what makes it especially difficult. Not only are you having to share your best friend with her boyfriend (and getting more crumbs than bread), but all their lovey-dovey behavior is a constant in-your-face reminder that she has someone and you don't. Is there anything more depressing than lying alone in your bed trying to read Jane Austen while your roomie's headboard is banging the wall behind you?
You also mention being the "third wheel in your own apartment" -- that's significant, too. Having another person in your space changes the dynamic, and not in a good way. You don't know this guy and you didn't choose to live with him, but there he is. Even if he's the greatest guy in the world, his presence can't help but make you a little less comfortable in your own home, and I don't just mean not being able to walk around in your underwear or pee without closing the bathroom door.
The problem is, what can you do about it without alienating your friend? I don't know what your relationship is like, but chances are, if you voice any displeasure about the situation, even tactfully, she will resent you for it (and he might, too, but who cares). Also, she's happy--do you really want to rain on her parade?
You can tell her you miss spending time with her, and/or you can ask her not to have her guy around so much--it's your place, too, and you have every right--but you run the risk of making her think you are just jealous and trying to sabotage her relationship with him. It really depends on the strength of your friendship and how honest you can be with each other.
Your other choice is to accept the situation for what it is. I was going to say just ride it out until they break up, but who knows how long that will be? And what happens when she gets another boyfriend after that?
Something else to think about: what if the tables were turned? If you had a boyfriend, would you do it differently than she's doing it? Would you spend more time with him than you did with her? Would you have him over all the time? Would you want to know if she were unhappy with the situation?
I think these are the questions you have to ask yourself before you can decide how to proceed. If your friendship is strong enough to handle it, sure, I would talk to her about how you feel and see if you two can get back some of what you had before. Just know going in that you are treading on delicate ground.
Good luck.
same thing happened to me except I was the girl with the boyfriend and my bff resented me for it. our friendship didn't make it. at some point she just told me she would move out, never giving me the chance to work things out.
OMG b, the same thing happened to me, too. I do feel for this girl but I've been on the other side and it SUCKS. My friendship did end up lasting through living together, but only because I've learned to put up with my friend's BS. I understand it's a hard situation and after being on the other side, my advice is to bring it up with her directly in the nicest way possible. My roomie/bff made snide comments whenever I was around (I spent a lot of time at my boyfriend's, admittedly) and we had a huge blowout a few months in that also involved her threatening to move out. Man, unbelievable.
Personally, although I agree with Cary's advice, I think the roommate is being a little unfair, or at least inconsiderate. It IS the OP's home, too, and she should get a say in who comes and who goes. I mean, what's wrong with his house? Why does this couple constantly choose to be in this poor girl's personal space?
I say, unless the guy's got a hot single friend to introduce her to, then maybe they should get a(nother) room. After all, sometimes your grade school teacher is right, and you shouldn't be indulging yourself in front of everybody unless you brought enough to share.
Just a theory about compromising:
It might sound a bit juvenile, but sometimes a schedule can help in situations like this. ie. I'm really happy for you and your guy but my space is feeling a bit encroached upon. I was wondering if we could agree on one or two nights a week for no guests.
That way it's got a lot more to do with respect for the mutual living situation than it does with your friendship. Might keep the conversation less personal.
Yes, excellent idea.
Heh, this happened to my friend - trust me, it'll pass. She was all dependant on her new boyfriend and whenever we agreed to meet, she brought him with her. It might take a while, even a year before your friend gets over the first phase where she just wants to be with him all the time. Just suggest things you could do and if she says she cannot on particular day, ask when it's possible for her. Don't give up, hang in there!
The home issue is completely different though - tell her about it, honestly. Don't blame her, just ask if it's possible for them to spend a little less time at your apartment, because you wish for some quiet and peace.
When your friend starts dating someone, you just have to come to terms with following things: she will have sex. He will be a big part of her life, especially in the beginning. She might move out and marry - this is actually what most likely happens eventually in her life. Most important part, though, is that she will want her friend back soon enough, to cry on your shoulder and to ask your opinion on things. You just need to be a little understanding and realise one day you'll meet your guy too.