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My boss is constantly making lewd jokes about women who come into the store. I guess he tells me because I'm the only one in earshot, but it's obnoxious. I've told him to stop and he just says I'm being too sensitive. How do I get him to shut up?

Oh, lighten up. He's just kidding around. What's the harm?

HA, I'm joking. Couldn't resist. Such is my nature. Sorry.

Ok, there's a name for what he's doing. Maybe you've heard it. It's called sexual harassment, and it's a huge no-no in the corporate world. As in, they fire people for that kinda crap.

Companies don't mess around with sexual harassment; they don't want to get sued by the harassed (you) and have to pay a gazillion dollars in damages. There are different kinds of harassment, but lewd comments definitely qualify, and are, in my experience, one of most frequent types of harassment out there. And no, my experience isn't in making such comments. Even I'm not that dumb.

Your boss should have stopped when you asked him to stop. Since he didn't, you have to report him -- not necessarily to get him fired, but to make him STFU. Usually you would report harassment to your boss, but since he's the one doing the harassing, you have to go to his boss, whoever that is (a manager at a higher level or even the store owner if it's a small operation). If they have any interest in the well-being of their business, they will take your allegations seriously and do something about it.

Unfortunately, you'll likely feel awkward around your boss after he is reprimanded. There's no way to avoid it unless you can get transferred to another store or department. And that's what sucks: it's often the victim, not the harasser, who has to make changes to her situation to avoid the harassment, changes that are inconvenient and unwanted.

You might feel guilty about getting him in trouble, too. Just remember that he caused the problem, not you. It's not your fault.

Sexual harassment is a complicated issue. I encourage you to read about it on the web (starting with the link above) so you can learn more and know that you are doing the right thing.

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11 Comments

DanielleW

This is slightly related, but what do you do when your friends are making sexist comments? I don't have a problem with them, just some of the comments their making.

And by that I don't mean that they talk about hooking up with women or making the occasional "make me a sandwich" joke. I'm a woman and they treat me with great resepect, but I squirm sometimes when I hear them calling other women sluts or whores.

Cary McNeal

I'd tell them that it offends me. If you have, and nothing has changed, it might be time to find new friends.

Daisy

Fortunately, I've never had to deal with this problem, but this sounds like very good advice to me. No one should have to put up with that type of obnoxious behavior.

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What should she do if he's the owner of the small operation - as in, there isn't anyone higher up to report him to? Should she (can she?) file a civil suit against him for stuff like this? Would it be more trouble than it's worth?

Devil's Advocate

I was wondering the same thing.

Cary McNeal

You can call either of these organizations for advice and support. You do not necessarily have to file a suit. All calls are confidential.

Equal Rights Advocates' advice and counseling line: 800-839-4372.

U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission: 800-669-4000.

user-pic

As a victim of such B.S. do not stand fotr ANY of it!!!I hope I'm a guy in my next life!All of you ill,evil,obnoxous SOBs will wish you were NEVER BORN!!!

Nataliesmommy

holy mother of bob, i laughed so f*n hard at this! great answers to all of it son!

poor poor Gina aka who gives a flying freak about what else you are aka, one day, you will have a son.

user-pic

Cary, this was a great answer all around, AND you are so great to go the extra mile to follow-up with to the comments, especially for Camille and Devil's Advocate.

You are more awesome than words can say. Seriously.

Thanks for having our backs.

Cary McNeal

Thank you, Azure.

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