No. You don't have the right to feel like he's hiding another girl from you. He, however, has a right to privacy. He has a right to check his phone without a prying girlfriend. Your boyfriend could be getting phone calls from co-workers, or friends, or family. It's not your business. Get a hobby, get a sense of boundaries, or get out of the relationship.
Stop being so suspicious. It sounds like you've already made up your mind, anyway. You think he's cheating. And you're going to prove yourself right even if it's not true. I have known a lot of women on a crusade to confirm their worst fears. They become obsessed with what could be, rather than what actually is. They aren't mature enough to deal with reality, and prefer to overreact to imaginary drama.
This kind of behavior is a relationship killer.
The truth is, you wouldn't like if he hovered over you, questioning every single text you ever got. Nobody likes to be eyeball molested.
I think your paranoia is symptomatic of a trust issue. Has he betrayed your trust before? Or are you just being a suffocating paranoid?
They become obsessed with what could be, rather than what actually is. They aren't mature enough to deal with reality, and prefer to overreact to imaginary drama. -This is true, but it's also not healthy to be the "naive girl" who believes everything she's told. That's just setting yourself up to get hurt, there has to be a little suspicion...otherwise men would think we are too easily manipulated..
They become obsessed with what could be, rather than what actually is. They aren't mature enough to deal with reality, and prefer to overreact to imaginary drama. -This is true, but it's also not healthy to be the "naive girl" who believes everything she's told. That's just setting yourself up to get hurt, there has to be a little suspicion...otherwise men would think we are too easily manipulated..
i agree with the whole "not being up his ass" thing but here's a question... does he have myspace/facebook/twitter? If he has privacy issues and doesn't like people knowing what he's doing then why would he be on one of those social networking sites? just a thought...
the way i look at it is....what's this boyfriend got to hide?! That he want all this privacy...????
I experience this same thing with my boyfriend. He acts very suspicious. In my last relationship this was never an issue. I didn't care what calls or texts my ex got because he didn't try to hide anything. He didn't tell me who it was and I didn't go through his phone, it was just the way he handled it, like not running out of the room to answer a call. With my current boyfriend everything feels like a secret, passwords on everything, phone on vibrate. He says its because his last girlfriend was extremely jealous. I don't ask to see anything and don't hover, but the behavior alone makes me suspicious where I wouldn't have been before. I don't know if its a personality difference, some people are more open than others. But some behaviors brew suspicion.
I agree. Why is the asker suddenly some horrible obsessive girlfriend without boundaries?. She says her guy acts shady. But, she didn't say that she asks to see his texts, emails, whatever. Maybe he's just really secretive and its something she notices and is worried about but doesnt express. I would feel the same way too if my guy went all secret agent when he started getting texts. I wouldn't pry, but I would be a little concerned. If a guy is doing something odd, its his fault for being strange, not a girl's fault for noticing such strangeness. I think DeVore's answer was a little rude
They become obsessed with what could be, rather than what actually is -this is true...but it also isnt healthy to be the "naive" girl that believes everything he says. There needs to be a little bit of suspicion on our part (as women) otherwise he'll feel like he can get away with whatever he wants.
They become obsessed with what could be, rather than what actually is -this is true...but it also isnt healthy to be the "naive" girl that believes everything he says. There needs to be a little bit of suspicion on our part (as women) otherwise he'll feel like he can get away with whatever he wants.
They become obsessed with what could be, rather than what actually is -this is true...but it also isnt healthy to be the "naive" girl that believes everything he says. There needs to be a little bit of suspicion on our part (as women) otherwise he'll feel like he can get away with whatever he wants.
Reformed player, you're answer was a bit defensive and rude. Sounds to me like this girl just wants to know if her relationship is secure and isn't threatened from outside influences. Every person in a relationship has a right to know if their significant other is faithful or is a cheater.
So, I tell the truth, and I'm "rude?"
I'll remember that.
Meanwhile: Security is an illusion. Love is risk. Suspicion without proof is insecurity. Insecurity is relationship cancer.
People who are easily threatened by concepts like "privacy" aren't mature enough to be in a relationship.
Yes, I recognize that my response was super bitchy.
It's been a day.
wow... uve got PMS or something? lol..chill out dude.
I have a similar issue with my current boyfriend. We've been together for a year and 4 months. At first I never questioned what he was doing. He was doing his thing and I was doing mine. I could tell he loved me and cared about me by his attitude. He is a bit of a control freak. He has to know where I am and what I am doing all the time. Apparently because he had some shady exs... Then I found out I was pregnant (which he wanted a baby more than me!) But apparently I had some terrible mood swings during that time and he didn't handle it well. Only a few weeks after I lost our baby, I found out through some mutual friends that while I was pregnant and at work one day, he had gone for a walk with my neighbor's brother's girlfriend who is about 20 years younger than him and that he had tried to get her to have sex with him! According to both nothing did happen. He confessed all after getting busted and swears nothing like that has happened before or since. Since then I have been suspicious of every email and text message and everything else. I told him that I wanted his passwords to be able to check his emails and texts whenever I wanted. He refused, stating that he is a private person. Yet he doesn't think twice about looking at my email and text messages. If I don't want to show him my texts, he'll grab my phone and go through them anyways.
if a man has nothing to hide he wouldn't act like that....period! I've been married for 21 years and they act that way only when they are trying to hide something. Otherwise men who have nothing to hide don't bother hiding anything. That's why they say you must be "open and honest" in relationships. "open" not sneeky!
Everybody ease up a bit here; on both the questioner and the answerer! there could be more to the situation than meets the eye. I would be asking a bunch of questions before assuming that either he's hiding something, or she's an insecure paranoid.
1) How long have these two been together? If it's a new relationship, then he may feel uncomfortable opening up everything to her too soon.
2) If it is a long established relationship, has he always been like this or is it recent? If it's recent there could be a couple reasons: 1) He may be cheating (hope not). 2) He's planning some sort of surprise and wants to keep it to himself until the *big moment*.
3) Does he hide everything? Or just the odd text, phone call? If it's only some texts and calls this could be totally innocent. I dated a lawyer for a while and client calls were totally restricted from my hearing due to confidentiality agreements between lawyer and client. This would also hold for accountants, doctors, etc.
So ease up until you know the full story.
Privacy and trust are important, but more important than anything else in a relationship is honesty. I was in a very similar situation as this girl, except I never called him on it. I didn't snoop until one day he accidentally left his email open on my computer and I couldn't resist the temptation to look a bit, since it was right there. And I found a bunch of pictures of a semi-nude girl that she had texted and emailed to him over the course of the previous 6 months, and a bunch of "hey baby i know you just went to sleep but here's something for u to wake up 2" kind of comments.
We're still together 4 1/2 months later, but only because he called it off with her (and the OTHER girl!!), changed all of his contact info, gave me all of his passwords and access to his phone records, canceled his Facebook, and went to counseling.
If he has nothing to hide, he shouldn't be hiding.
...yes i agree, if there is nothing to hide, what r u hiding?? privacy is one thing, but the couples that i admire most have a shared email address, etc... if u are planning a wonderful surprise 4 him/her, u can figure out a way to do it so that u arent getting calls, texts, etc in front of her... thats a trust issue right there, if u cant be open about whats going on in your life with your gf/bf/spouse/whatever, then i'm thinking u arent ready to b in a committed relationship...
I finally figured out how to keep my girlfriend from going through my text messages. I downloaded a program from Faketexts.com and it hides the iPhone SMS button and replaces it with a fake one that you can edit. Basically it doesn't show all the girls I am talking to just go to Faketexts.com on your iPhone.
I finally figured out how to keep my girlfriend from going through my text messages. I downloaded a program from Faketexts.com and it hides the iPhone SMS button and replaces it with a fake one that you can edit. Basically it doesn't show all the girls I am talking to just go to Faketexts.com on your iPhone.
My ex-boyfriend used to take private phone calls all the time when we first started dating. I trusted him and gave him is privacy because he had never given me a reason not to. Turned out he was having some financial problems and wanted to deal with it privately, and that's totally not my business. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
A "relationship" requires openness and trust. "Dating" is another thing, as both people need their privacy as they are dating others and needing to figure things out.
Needing "privacy" (on all modern technology) in a committed relationship is a deal breaker in my opinion.
Talking from experience and from having been in a relationship with someone who wanted a totally separate life on the side. NO WAY.
And Mr Fake Texts you can go to hell. I hope you get caught anyway.
My boyfriend who I've been dating for a year and half is shady with his phone and computer. We share his laptop and one day I was on his profile and accidentally deleted something so I went to retrieve out of recycling and found a folder of 4 naked girls. He said when he was IT (millitary stuff) he would download movies and music and that somehow ended up there well the next day he changed the password to his profile and his external hard drive disappeared out of thin air. He gets upset if I ask (after an hour of texting) who he texting and he get all huffed up and says who it is. Do I have any right to be suscpicious and worried?? I've had 6 stepdads that cheated on my mom so trust already is hard for me. IDK
You know not everyone who wants privacy is hiding something or shady. I for one, grew up in a household where everyone kept to themselves etc. Therefore, I do not share a lot of my personal feelings with anyone. I have also been hurt in the past and so I have learned to watch what I tell someone about me. Furthermore, I do not think it is anyone's business who and what I am talking or texting someone about. If I want you to know, I will tell you. I would prefer not to have my boyfriend looking over my shoulder or constantly snooping through my phone/email. I do not read his emails or look through his phone, so I expect the same amount of respect. I know sharing is caring...but some things can be kept just for you. Not things like cheating, but your personal journal thoughts and things of that nature. My current boyfriend had been cheated on by both his ex-wives, so he automatically assumes when you are leaving the room to talk on the phone etc, you are up to no good. He even went through personal journals of mine, read my text messages and went through my car. That is absolutely the worst feeling in the world. He knows not to do that now, but it was horrible and made me feel like a prisoner, when I had to account for who I was talking to, what I was talking about and why I am not being open enough for his standards.
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If he has nothing to hide then why is he hiding it? Also, EVERYONE has insecurities, guys and girls, and there is plenty reason for it. People cheat, thats a fact. If all relationships were perfect and people didn't lie and cheat and do things to hurt other people then there would be no reason for suspicion about these things, but that just isn't life. How are you immature for noticing suspicious activity?
If you notice suspicious activity and it turns out that your guy is cheating are you still immature and looking for disaster?
Cause I feel like if we didst check things out we would get our hearts broken more often and get manipulated by everyone.
And in a serious relationship, you're entitled to a certain amount of privacy, but why wouldn't you want to share things with you significant other if it isn't a big deal and your close to them?
It is shady.
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Well, I agree, everyone has the right for privacy, and I hate when a girl check my phone or emails when I'm away. That's just plain sick.
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my man turns his phone when he's texting someone I am pretty sure he's lying about who he is texting because I've caught him once but never busted him on it actually found a message he sent to another girl talking about having sex with her in detail he said it was just a joke I don't know if I should believe him hes very secretive with his phone I let him see my phone whenever he wants now he has a new phone and he won't let me see it at all he has a secret text message tht allows u to hide messages from everybody they are password protected I don't know the password he knows all my passwords I don't know any of his should I worry?
my man turns his phone when he's texting someone I am pretty sure he's lying about who he is texting because I've caught him once but never busted him on it actually found a message he sent to another girl talking about having sex with her in detail he said it was just a joke I don't know if I should believe him hes very secretive with his phone I let him see my phone whenever he wants now he has a new phone and he won't let me see it at all he has a secret text message tht allows u to hide messages from everybody they are password protected I don't know the password he knows all my passwords I don't know any of his should I worry?
We've been together a yr and a half just to let everyone know