In situations such as this, it's important to ask oneself: What Would That One-Legged McCartney Woman Do? I wanted to get that printed on a rubber bracelet, but the acronym was too long. Although it was still an improvement over my "What Would That Woman That Kanye Is Singing About In 'Gold Digger' Do?" bracelets. But in either case, the answer is obvious: milk that cow dry, baby. Shopping spree!!!!!
Unless you have scruples, which always makes things more of a headache. I'm married to someone in the medical field, so you'd think I'd be grappling with the same issue. But you'd be wrong. Apparently before they become rich doctors, medical students go through a larval stage where they must feast on great quantities of your hard-earned comedy writing money.
So while I don't have direct insight into your situation, I too have felt the sting of money becoming the paramount issue in a relationship. Which is a shame, because, honestly, who cares? If you're both good people, working hard, then the rest comes down to dumb luck and who your parents are. That's hardly your fault (or your boyfriend's) and it shouldn't be allowed to stand in the way of an otherwise functioning significant othership.
How your boyfriend spends his money is between he and his God (or parents, whatever). If you're just dating at the moment, it would be a bit presumptuous to tell him how much to take or what to do with it. He's got it worked out with his parents, and we can assume they're either happy with the situation, or tied up in the basement choking on ether-soaked rags. Either way, best not to get too involved.
Offer to pay for yourself when possible, if it makes you feel better, but the main thing to focus on is not letting it bother you so much. Try not to let something as trivial as who paid for your Paranormal Activity tickets cause resentment or guilt to develop. Those are guaranteed relationship killers, and that movie wasn't worth it anyway.
You come from your background, your boyfriend comes from his, and now you're both here. If he wants to pay for dates on his parents' dime, that's fine. He should understand that it doesn't mean you owe him anything (as should you; this is not a Pretty Woman scenario). If you find out his parents are upset by how much he's spending, or don't know he's spending it, then you've got a new decision to make, but no need to go looking for friction prematurely.
Just try and enjoy him as a person regardless of his financial situation. If you can't do that, you're cutting yourself off from dating anyone significantly below or above you on the wealth spectrum, and that's a lot of people you're missing out on. Not to mention all the sweet cheddar you could be banking off these loaded chumps.
the second to last paragraph is spot on. if the guy is just laying out his dads credit card to enjoy life then you may have room to comment.
im going to make a presumption though - youre completely resentful and pretentious. hes better off with out your bs if this is an actual ISSUE for you. why do i presume this? ill tell you... I dated a girl at UCLA for a couple years. I took a break from school during the dot com boom to rake in a ton of cash and live life. she enjoyed the gifts and all the stuff that comes from a 21 year old raking in huge dough while working from home. then, one day, while she slaved away at her part time job as a receptionist/admin asst a couple months short of graduating with a double major, she had an epiphany.
we were walking to her apt after dinner when she suddenly flips on me for not finishing my degree. she was graduating and i was going to be a waste of life and how could she be serious with someone who hadnt finished school yet. huge argument. a few weeks later were over. a few weeks later shes dating a valedictorian aerospace engineer for a defense contractor (a rocket scientist with good looks). he turns out to be crazy, locking her in the house when he goes to work and stuff. after a couple months we have a strictly sexual relationship. 8 years later, she became a hair dresser that lives at home while i went from tech to real estate and (luckily) continued the boom years.
we bumped into each other the other day. she cant get enough of me. calling me a couple hours after (late at night), wanting to see me. the moral of this story is that while i my have had my own path in life, i was with her cause i cared for her. she showed that all she cared about was the pretense that she "would be somebody in this world" and i would not.
get over it. hes either a good guy or hes not. you either enjoy your time or you dont. either way, get over yourself. pay your way through school and be successful for yourself.
I totally get this. I have a similar issue. My guy's got a rich kid lifestyle, still paid for by his parents, while I'm pretty broke most of the time. Yes, I work, but on nothing that pays very well.
It sucks to always be the one saying that maybe we shouldn't go out this evening, or when it's my turn to cook, having to get lousy ingredients, stuff like that. It feels ridiculously unempowering to have everything paid for.
And yet, at the same time, I can't help but feel a little twinge of superiority, because I'm doing it myself, this little that I can do, while he's sitting back and living off his parents like a lazy rich teenager. So, yeah. I guess that answer made a lot of sense for me too.
(Your situation, Joshua, kinda sounds nothing like this... And evidently if she's calling you up a bunch of times after being mentally abused in a fucked up relationship, then maybe she needs someone to talk to, or she's realised her mistake. I don't really see why she'd be calling you up just to push the fact that she's a "somebody" on you. You might need to look a bit deeper than that...?)
so what if its the other way around? If I have more money than he does but he still rarely lets me pay. I have to insist that I'm paying or just hand over the money before he can. It seems wrong to me that he should be spending the money that he worked so hard to earn on me when I'm perfectly able and willing to pay.
I personally love having my shit paid for. I ride that all the way to the bank, milk them for what they are worth. Enjoy it honey, who cares where it comes from? You gonna marry this guy? Didn't think so.
my suggestion is to watch out. My exhusband was still having mommy pay for everything (I was unaware) while we were married. We went to buy furniture one time and he put it in his and his Mothers name and didn't tell me. He handled the check book and bills and I didn't ask questions. Turned out he would give Mommy his paychecks (and mine) and she would pay bills and cover everything else with her money. He would spend all our money then tons of hers on stupid things! Anytime he needed cash, she would "restock" our bank account. Needless to say, I left him. Not a good situation
I'm in college right now too and I can sometimes sense a divide between those with well-off parents and those who have to pay for college themselves. It honestly sounds the bigger problem this girl has is being jealous that her boyfriend gets his expenses paid for. Acutally, she seems like one of those girls who's like, he needs to WORK for my affection, and if its not money he labored for then he ISNT working. I think its just a jealousy thing. If she doesnt want him to pay for her stuff, then she should pay for it herself and not complain.
My parents pay formy living as well- rent, tuition, books, food, etc. I definitely dont rub this in my friends faces that this is the case, but sometimes I feel like they arent as respectful as they could be to me because of it. For example, if we're out to lunch and I get a small thing and a water and they order something huge and want to split the bill and I say lets split it fairly, they get pushy like, "its your parent's money anyway so why does it matter?".
To be fair, no one really (unless they're the dot com dude above) has a lot of money accumulated personally to spend in college. Its either one's parent's money or college loans/scholarships that get people through. I dont think she should get nasty that he's not paying with his own money since he's not being lazy not working. He's getting an education!!