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My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and he asked me how it was...being put on the spot like that, I told him it was great. It wasnt. How can I give him pointers without hurting his feelings?

Large signage is good, and easy to see in low light conditions. Flares are useful for outdoor sessions, although there's always the danger of scrotal conflagration. Really, I say just man up and learn semifore.

Or if you're not adept at positioning colored flags while engaged in balls-to-the-wall whoopee, try talking to him. If you think he's the sensitive type, try talking to him while he's having sex with you. Chances are he'll be a bit too distracted to read into whether your grunted "ooh, slower baby...to the right...THERE!" is more of a sexual tip or an attack on his virility.

As I said in my answer yesterday, you have more success shaping a human being's behavior by being positive than negative. There's no need to sit him down and say "you just don't satisfy me. This is something we need to work on." Tell him what you like. Tell him what you want, and how to give it to you.

And tell him when it counts, when he can actually practice the skills you're trying to impart: during sex. After all, you don't learn to fight a pitched sea battle by watching Master and Commander: Far Side of the World, you learn by touching the torch to the fuse and letting the main cannons fly. And if sex is like ANYTHING, it's like an 1800's pitched sea battle.

Sex is a learn on the job type of thing, and every body is different. Your guy can and will improve if you provide guidance. Similarly, ask him what he likes. After all, there's a chance he asked you how it went because he was struggling to bring up the moment when you almost ripped his penis off.

Yes, sex is a sensitive topic, but telling your partner what you want in bed--WHILE you're in bed--is almost always going to get the job done, and in my humble opinion it makes the silences a lot less "getting a haircut and not wanting to talk to your hairdresser" awkward.

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8 Comments

Mannon

Tell him what you want him to while it's happening, and if he asks, tell him you read it in Cosmo!

user-pic

I hate when you're getting a haircut and don't want to talk - so awkward. But I LOVE haircuts and never want to talk. Quite the conundrum - a mystery of the universe you could say.

3XTen

Funny, that whole communication thing. Recently I asked the guy that I'm dating "What do you want me to do?" whilst in the middle of a romp, to which he replied "Are you asking me what I want?" What he really meant was "Are you giving me license to tell you what I really want you to do?" Turned to be kind of nice for both of us. The point is that if you are comfortable enough to be naked with someone, you should be comfortable enough to ask - and tell - the truth.

Kryss

Well the men Ive slept with that were bad in bed, I plainly told them that they sucked and majority of the time I wouldnt bother sleeping with them and if I did I would masturbate right afterwards to let them know..eh...give up lol.

Have sex with me poorly, shame on you, have sex with me poorly twice, shame on me

I gave pointers its just some men are bad in bed and its up to you to deal with it or not. I had an ex fiance that had a nice size but just didnt know how to work it...after talking to him constantly about it, it bruised his ego...but im sure he moved on after asking me to marry him over 10 times lol

user-pic

I am the one who asked the question, and I did do the typical "Yeah that's the spot" talk while doing the deed, but it was like he was lost in his own little world. It isn't like I am young and think it should always be great,I know sometimes these things take time, but it was just really that terrible! Guess I will get out the "large signage" ,and maybe throw in some easy to read diagrams? lol Thanks for the answers guys!

Michael Swaim

Definitely bring it up. A bad sex life can torpedo a relationship fast, and if the thing making it suck is him being self-absorbed in bed, that needs to be addressed.

Megan

I wish I had the patience to teach guys. But I like them pretrained.

user-pic

"After all, there's a chance he asked you how it went because he was struggling to bring up the moment when you almost ripped his penis off." Lol been there.

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