Trust him. Please. Stop being a smothering paranoid. Oops! Did I just type my think? Sorry. But it's the truth. You have to trust him because you have no choice. You have to trust that he's just enjoying the company of his bros: drinking beers, talking smack, and telling dirty jokes. The alternative is to allow your insecurity to choke the life out of your relationship.
Instead of alienating him, encourage him.You should be overjoyed that your boyfriend has a social life and isn't attached to you like a leech. Schedule some girls nights out. You might need some estrogen. Go do what chicks do together. Whatever that is. Pillow fights? I don't know.
But here's a little sympathy: I can foresee a scenario where your man starts hanging out with friends more than you. This would be problematic behavior. Relationships need trust, but they also need attention. As I've mentioned before, confrontations always backfires. A dude who is confronted, and cornered, will always take issue with the tactic, and totally ignore what might have precipitated the confrontation. Instead nagging or blowing up at him, take him out on a date. Over a beer, ask him if he feels like the two of you are spending enough time together. Don't accuse him of anything. See what he thinks. Hopefully this will spur a conversation. Which is good.
But I get the feeling that your boyfriend needs a little testosterone in his life. You're wise to question whether or not you should trust him. But for now, trust him. I was a little harsh earlier, but I sometimes feel women are immediately suspicious of men. It's annoying, because the vast majority of guys are decent.
Just... trust. Until it's time not to trust. You'll know. Trust me.
Yeah..They need their guy time...But remember, if you are a priority you will be put first....Just trust him
First of all, you are talking complete bullshit !!! Going out with the guys does not always consist of hanging with the boys, drinking a beer ? pfft ! . 99% of the time you are talking to a girl while you are sipping down that drink, or flirting with someone of your drunken pleasure. so I stand here now talking for all the lady's ,,, WE ARE NOT IDIOTS ! WE ARE NOT COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO YOUR SHENANIGANS, YOU ARE GOING TO FLIRT , YOU ARE GOING TO ACT ON YOUR LAME EXCUSE FOR MANLY HOOD, AND FLIRT ! BUT NEEDLESS TO SAY , BE AWARE, THE GAME GOES BOTH WAYS !!! So boys, if you don't want to lose us , as much as we may not want to lose you, wisen up, you are not the only ones with the ball in your court !!!
Sup, Candi.
Please tell me she's having a laugh.
awesome, just awesome.
What in the name of god is this insecure nonsense? I've been single for years, and going out with the guys STILL just consists of hanging with the boys and drinking a beer. If we wanted to be catching up with women, we'd tag along to a GIRLS night. Here's a little secret about men - we don't go for all that subtlety nonsense. Saying what we mean is so much easier, you know? If we're going out with the lads, it's because we want some conversation where we always know where we stand, in that way that only other our buddies can provide. Chill, girl.
Wow...that really struck a nerve in you doll :).... You have to be able to trust, if you don't have trust in your relationship how the hell are you ever going to make it?
I think sometimes we have this irrational pang of jealousy...we envision our guys creeping on other women when their out.. Its a normal concern. But if a relationship has a strong foundation and the guy never gives you a reason to feel suspect...Then don't have fear.
I think she's vastly over-estimating the average guy's ability to find girls.
I don't completely agree with you about all guys just going out and flirting. Obviously you've had some major problems in relationships that you are so bitter. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and even though he doesn't drink, I know for a fact that he doesn't do any of those things you accused guys of. Yes, I may not be there...but trust me, I have my ways of knowing things. I know there are a lot of guys who fit your stereotype, but don't give advice to someone like that unless the guy has given you a reason to not trust him. Guys cant stand being accused of something when they do nothing wrong.
I don't completely agree with you about all guys just going out and flirting. Obviously you've had some major problems in relationships that you are so bitter. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and even though he doesn't drink, I know for a fact that he doesn't do any of those things you accused guys of. Yes, I may not be there...but trust me, I have my ways of knowing things. I know there are a lot of guys who fit your stereotype, but don't give advice to someone like that unless the guy has given you a reason to not trust him. Guys cant stand being accused of something when they do nothing wrong.
I guess the only thing that makes me a little hesitant is that she said "every other night," but I suppose that could just be a phrase. (??)
Personally, I probably spend too much time with my boyfriend, and this would make me slightly nervous, too. But overall I agree with John - don't suffocate your man :)
I agree with most the people here, it's nice to have a girls night out right? Just hanging out watching silly movies or going out for some food somewhere we haven't gone before. Well we like the interaction of a social network that's just ours one where we can discuss issues and how to approach them in realtionships and such is good to have before getting a head full of steam and letting off on the person you don't want to hurt. Well guys like that too. Simply put having friends that are just yours to hang out with and talk to isn't a problem. Yeah anyone can have concerns if they haven't met the people before cause let's face it you aren't sure if they are the type to try and convince your guy he can conquer a 60watt light bulb that's been on for hours while he's drunk. But ask him if there's a chance to have a group thing with them time to time with some of your gal pals (maybe) and just get to know them. I find if I know the guys my bf is with I'll just think to myself 'well here goes another funny story night' and typically that's how it ends up is they do something silly and it makes a funny story later on. So seriously maybe just chill a bit and get to know the guys. The only big concerns I'd have right now is if
1) He wants to go on a guys night when something important is going on, like say your birthday
2) starts spending more time with them than you overall, let's face it sometimes we have points where we hang out with pals alot and other times we can go months without so much as a call, but if it equals out overall to him being with them more then I'd be concerned a bit
"I guess the only thing that makes me a little hesitant is that she said "every other night," but I suppose that could just be a phrase. (??)"
I don't know, but that caught my attention too. If my husband was literally going out every other night, I'd be concerned.
However, since, as John here, and the other Guyspeak guys have pointed out numerous times, girls sometimes don't say what they mean, she could be using that as an expression.
If that's the case, then yes, relax. And make sure you have plenty of girl time too!
If he sees more of his "guy friends" than he sees you, and I mean much more, then there is an issue. Are you guys living together? Even then, if it is every other night (instead of every other weekend or even every few days), it maybe that he's not getting the satisfaction of hanging out with you, like he does with his friends. In a worse case scenario (and not saying this is the reason), it could be that he's checking other girls out.
BUT, before you fly off the handle on this one, you should get all your facts straight. If it's becoming a concern for you, and you really aren't the smothering type, that you don't mind him hanging out with his friends, then you need to sit down with him and talk it out. As someone else suggested, take HIM out. Or make him dinner. But you need to talk things through first. It could just be a miscommunication. That because you haven't said anything, and he really is just hanging with his buds, that he thinks it's okay with you. Or it could be something a little more serious. You will never know until you talk to him. But just remember, to be calm, assertive, and objective. If you pounce on him with allegations, he'll back up and shutdown. Maybe even use that as an excuse to spend even less time with you.
Good luck.
Is it really "every other night" or does it just feel that way? I encourage my bf to have guys' nights. I have a weekly girls' night that I'm not about to give up so why shouldn't my bf do something with his friends? We have a solid relationship and trust each other so I don't worry about him picking up other women. I think the built-in time apart is healthy, plus it gives us more to talk about when we see each other the next night.
I'm shocked the "reformed player" gave you such bad advice.
"Every other night" is key here. Are you being literal? Does he really go out bar-hopping 4 or more times a week? If so, this doesn't sound right. That's single guy behavior. If he's spending a really unequal amount of time with versus the guys, I'd say that a HUGE red flag. Especially if he disappears for the whole night and doesn't call to say hello.
Sorry to everyone who thinks that it's "psycho" or "controlling" to expect a call or text - but really, in these days everyone is completely available 24/7 and there's no reason he can't give a courtesy call. I just think it's polite relationship behavior. If I go out with the girls, I have absolutely no problem calling in to say good night to my boyfriend.
Guys night out is totally cool in my book, I ENCOURAGE guys night out for MY sanity... but what about when the other 'guys' are there to cheat on their wives/girlfriends? You lay with the dogs, you get fleas (thank my grandmother for that little bit of wit)... but 9 times out of 10, it rings true.
What if all his friends are players?
What a lovely day for a 2759423! SCK was here