Stress affects everyone differently. Some people get cold and distant, others get angry and combative, and still others break down into uncontrollable sobbing. If your boyfriend was in that second or third category, you wouldn't take that personally. So why take his distance personally?
You know, deep down, that the underlying stress isn't your fault. If the stress isn't your fault, then the effect of the stress isn't your fault either. Please try to remember that and not take it personally.
That said, you can definitely do some things for him to be supportive. Ask him if he'd like to talk about the stress, and if he doesn't want to, then just remind him that you're there for him if he changes his mind. Beyond that, if there is anything you can do for him to make his life easier, try to do it. If you live together, do a couple of the "chores" he normally does so he can decompress and de-stress a bit. If you don't live together, just head over to his place with some dinner. Keep him company, but allow him to be quiet if he needs to be.
Long-term, your boyfriend needs to dedicate his efforts to finding the causes of stress in his life and trying to work them out constructively. If he's got a stressful job or isn't managing his time well, he should try to work through that and discover a solution that works for him. As you know, stress isn't just hard on the person, it's hard on the people that care that person as well.
It's typically a man thing, the one stereotype that does often occur. It's trying to hide weakness, since displaying weakness is perceived, mostly by men, as indications of inferiority. That's silly but there it is.
MM is right, it's not about you, it's his doing, so you are absolved of taking it personally. You need to stop because if you approach being supportive with the frame of taking it personally, it's not gonna come out the best way. Just realize it has nothing to do with you, approach him slowly and lovingly and non-judgementally, even an arm around his shoulders can do more than any words that can be said. He'll get the idea you won't see his stressing out as weakness and open up to you.
You're so right about this, my guy gets stressed and has serious anxiety issues (he's getting help, but even with meds and counseling it's still a battle), when it happens he completely closes off, won't even make eye contact. I usually just hold him and he eventually relaxes, he's even willing to talk about it sometimes once he's not so much in his head. I used to worry that he didn't want me crowding him when he was like that, since he didn't seem to respond, but it turns out that even if it doesn't solve anything he feels less alone in his worries. You don't have to talk about his problems to share the burden.
My own boyfriend suffers alot of stress because of work pressures and work travel - he would become withdrawn, distant, snipey, argumentative and uncharacteristically mean. The more I tried to encourage him to open up to me , the more he alienated me. I can totally understand how you would take it personally, this type of behaviour affects the dynamic of the relationship and ultimately involves and affects you/ your feelings especially when the anger/frustration from the stress is directed at you. It can be especially uncomfortable and even unbearable if you live together. At times, I felt like I was living with a stranger - i hated coming home, i dreaded the weekends together, i was constantly treading on eggshells. For me, it was really hard as we have just moved to a new country and didn't have the support network surrounding us that we were used to having. I let his behaviour towards me slide because I was trying my best to be "supportive" but eventually it caused me to have a a small nervous breakdown and it nearly cost us our relationship. Before any of this stress entered our lives, we were quite regular people" with "normal problems". After seeing the emotional and pyshical toll that his behaviour was having on me - he decided to go to counselling and although sometimes he might forget old habits and slip into his old stress behaviour i have been suprised at how much he has opened up to me again and how differently he handles situations. I don't know what you can suggest for your boyfriend, but at least from my experience - I cannot emphasise at how important communication is - be as supportive as you can but don't let him treat you badly or alienate you - it will only enable him as i have learned and it's not healthy for either of you. If you have someone to confide in all the better. I hope that he gets through this and you can stick it out with him. Things do get better. Be strong, Be Brave.
my thoughts exactly Mr.X! i too have been too supportive, and now find myself responsible for everything. He also doesnt even notice if i am stressed, so he is completely unsupportive of me. Be careful how much you take on, and communicate!!!! Luckily, he does love me, and after a few careful conversations he is trying to be a better boyfriend:)
There is a difference between him being distant and him taking things out on you...even passively. My guy storms about when upset, loudly and dramatically. But he doesn't yell at me or blame/attack me. It is intense and brief. I might rub his back (sometimes he doesn't want to be touched though) or sit close and merely watch. Sometimes I can't help but laugh at his huge reaction to a little thing. Sometimes I ignore him, either in the room with him or I go to another room and busy myself. When he is mad at me he steps away and keeps himself under control.
There is a difference between him being distant and him taking things out on you...even passively. My guy storms about when upset, loudly and dramatically. But he doesn't yell at me or blame/attack me. It is intense and brief. I might rub his back (sometimes he doesn't want to be touched though) or sit close and merely watch. Sometimes I can't help but laugh at his huge reaction to a little thing. Sometimes I ignore him, either in the room with him or I go to another room and busy myself. When he is mad at me he steps away and keeps himself under control.
There is a difference between him being distant and him taking things out on you...even passively. My guy storms about when upset, loudly and dramatically. But he doesn't yell at me or blame/attack me. It is intense and brief. I might rub his back (sometimes he doesn't want to be touched though) or sit close and merely watch. Sometimes I can't help but laugh at his huge reaction to a little thing. Sometimes I ignore him, either in the room with him or I go to another room and busy myself. When he is mad at me he steps away and keeps himself under control.