Time to ask him if he really wants to be your boyfriend. Because he's not acting like it. He wants to get attention online as a single guy, keep up his game. What he should be doing is changing his relationship status and realizing that his online flirting is hurting you. He also shouldn't blow up when you tell him that his double life online is a problem in your relationship. Sure, you should trust him. But he's not exhibiting trustworthy behavior.
I've noticed how Facebook has become the last phase of becoming "official." Like a guy (or girl) hasn't fully committed until they change their relationship status. It's the last way of hanging on to their single life. Sure, plenty of people don't take Facebook and stuff like "single," "in a relationship," or "it's complicated" seriously. But if it's important to you, why can't he change it? Sounds like he hasn't fully committed to the idea of being attached. This is something you need to address, particularly since he's letting people flirt with him and think that he's single.
I know I am of a different generation, but I reaaallllllly don't put a lot of stock into the FB single/complicated/whatever thing. changing my name on it for example to a nickname or whatever doesn't change the status of my real name. FB is not real life. okay, I know people are hung up on stuff like that, but honest to god there are bigger things in life and relationships to worry about. like the yelling. that's a bigger flag to me than him not changing his status. frankly I think if you have trust issues with someone because they won't change their FB status, then that is your issue not his. either you trust him or you don't. now the flirting constantly thing, that's another issue too, but what do you mean by that? i have seen single women talk to attached men and the girlfriends or wives get all bent thinking their man is flirting when really it was just a woman having a conversation with him. i would think if you have been together long enough most people on his page would know that he is not single, but yelling at you for it, to me that is inexcusable. but if you have not been together long enough for most of the people on his page to know he is attached, then maybe just maybe playing the devil's advocate here, maybe you are overreacting just a smidge. on the other hand, if it IS bona fide flirting and he IS yelling at you for addressing it, that is not a boyfriend my dear, that is a boy who wants to have his cake and eat it too and you deserve better. in my experience, men that yell and accuse their woman of having trust issues when they bring up a serious concern, are not trustworthy men. they are trying to deflect the problem back onto the woman as the woman's mistake in order to take the heat off of them. if that is the case here, i can pretty much guarantee you this won't be the last fight you have over this issue unless you leave him over it.
Chrissie, I wish I could give you a +100 score. You are right on the mark!
I've said it before, I will say it again, Facebook will destroy the world.
OP here.
It's not that Facebook is OMG important to me, it's that these people flirt with him all the time and he doesn't say "hey, I have a girlfriend, knock it off" or something like that. He doesn't flirt back, but he doesn't discourage it. He responds to them in a conversational way that doesn't tell them "no, I'm not interested."
And when I say "he yelled at me," what I mean is, he wrote a new Facebook status alluding to what I'd written (that I feel inadequate when I see everything on his wall and just wanted a little reassurance) without attaching my name to it. All those that had mainly been flirting with him flocked to it, saying what a bitch I was, how selfish I was, couldn't I see how awesome he is?
One of them said, "So you have a girlfriend, huh?" and he said "I have a something, but I might have to rethink that now."
I'm not one to just take this, so... wtf.
Get rid of him. If he really cared about you he would never say that you were a "something" that needs to be "thought about"...he would be eager to tell everyone all about you. You deserve someone who can't wait to show you off. Sounds like this guy is young and immature...he needs more time to grow up.
It sounds like they are both immature. Having a relationship over facebook is not a relationship.
To be honest, OP, it sounds like you overreacted by things you saw on his page that actually sound kind of innocent on his side. Facebook is all about getting attention, and thats what he was doing. It doesnt sound like he was flirting back with these people. You overreacted and now he is questioning if the LDR is worth it. The whole passive agressive fb status thing was lame, IMO. You two should have had the conversation over the phone.
Anyway, you are in college. Why are you wasting your time on a LDR. Clearly the relationship isnt that serious on his side if he cant talk to you about it over the phone. You're in college, go out and have fun. And stop stalking him on facebook.
Wish I could give you +100!
Bing!! 100+ score comin right back atcha!! lolol
Seems to me like the problem here is that you're having all these serious conversations over Facebook, instead of in real life.
I do agree though, his behaviour is douchey.
We have no way of talking in person right now. College has made us turn into an LDR. We are on opposite sides of the US now.
LDRs are tough. Sorry to say. And not to rain more on your parade, but you both are in college (as you said) and from the sound of things, he's really not serious about your relationship given the fact that he's still open to other women (and men) flirting with him. That's a red flag I'd be waving at myself.
Despite the convenience it is, you should not (my rule is NEVER) have important conversations in FB about your relationship (especially with the tag button around and the rest of the world to see your posts). You know, there's also such a thing called the phone/cellphone (video calls too). Distance is not the problem here, but your own trust issues and self worth. If he was immature enough to allude personal issues in a very public platform like FB, be mature enough to stand your ground and leave before he does more damage to your self-esteem.
I'm not "friends" with my SO in FB. We're both fine with it. So far, it has been one of the healthiest things we've done to have our relationship. Trust was never an issue for us; because right up front from the very start we both knew where we came from (he's been cheated on by 3 of his exes) and this is the first time I've actually allowed myself to fall MADLY in love.
Be strong and confident girl! And never EVER let a dumbass post "I have a something, but I might have to rethink that now" on FB ever again. It's a total cop out of someone who's not man enough to discuss things with a woman who's coming clean about her feelings and thoughts. And that is no way to respect a woman.
We have no way of talking in person right now. College has made us turn into an LDR. We are on opposite sides of the US now.
A-MEN! the OP might be a little immature, but the guy sounds like a jerk.
DTMFA! If he's writing passive aggressive FB statuses about you, already, he need to go. This is not HS, when adults have problems they talk about it with the people involved. They don't anonymously put people on blast. Also like SD girl said, you are not something that needs to be thought about. You deserve a MAN who wants to be with you and is proud to be your boyfriend.
actually it sounds like facebook IS OMG important to you if you are making decisions about your relationship based on what happens there. *eyeroll* *sigh* I guess my first comment is pretty much a moot point as it seems it was based on stuff that NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED. okay so he didn't yell at you. and you obviously over reacted in your question HERE to strangers, are you not even able to open your perspective just a little bit to see that maybe you over reacted with someone that you actually KNOW. you can't change what you can't acknowledge. not saying the guy is a saint, but what he did with his FB status thing is an ice chip compared to the overblown thing you are using to sink the Titanic that is your "relation-ship". the way I see it, if everything you are saying THIS time is 100% accurate and not overinflated, is that you have two choices. 1.) if you think he's worth it (questionable) spend the dime a minute and pickup the god forsaken phone and figure it out, or 2.) send him a FB message and tell him, nothing more, nothing less, "thanks for the good times best of luck in your future endeavors."(no name calling, no mean things, no over reacting, that message alone will at least leave you looking like the classy one) or maybe 3 choices, 3.) not say a word to him and cut your losses and move on. because i have a feeling if you don't, he will if he hasn't already. and sorry but it kind of sounds like he has. which from where i sit, would be a bullet dodged. like another commenter said, this is not a distance issue, this is a you issue. if you both were sitting right beside each other these issues would still surface. stop worrying about complete strangers calling you a selfish bitch (they're jealous because you "have him" and they don't and are trying to pit him against you), replace your wishbone with your backbone and do what needs to be done. for you. you are better than this nonsense. good luck.
Hell, she doesn't even have to spend a dime a minute, she can use MSN or Yahoo voice chat, and probably has free internet as many US univerities provide Wi-Fi for students. I am sure she can find somewhere on campus she can have some privacy to talk to him about this issue.
If I can manage to video chat in war zones, she can voice chat in the US of A!
No matter if he believes or takes stock in the Facebook status thing, he isn't being supportive of you and demeaning you when you try to talk about it. I would take a step back if he isn't supporting your feelings. Is he really worth it if he blows up over a little thing like this?
I love Facebook for the way it connects me to old friends...but yep, it's actually the Devil's website. I've seen a (now ex) boyfriend caught lying (by friends whose posts ratted them out), cheating (by a third party tagging them in photos with another girl) and general douchey-ness like denying relationships so they can put on a front (like noted in the question).
I try to keep ALL relationship stuff off of FB completely. Nothing more uncomfortable and awkward than seeing one of your attached friends post happy couple pics, followed by passive aggressive posts the following week, and then a change to "single" in their love status after that....followed by a string of supportive friend posts about getting through it and going to strip clubs. Too much drama.
I'd rather keep love ol' skool and a bit of a mystery.
My boyfriend and I communicate alot through facebook, but it's strictly silly nerdy things. We're both constantly posting the greatest Doctor Who clip we've ever seen (that day ^_^) on each other's walls, or previews of the next Batman movie. Actual relationship stuff is never there though, no I love you's or kiss faces or nagging or plan making or hearts. Anything more personal than a quote or link is left to the real world because A) no one wants to see constant lovy dovy shit OR fights filling up their news feed, and more importantly B) our relationship is not anyone's business but ours. Technology can be a great part of relationships, I team up with my brother and boyfriend on video games from other states all the time, and fun nerd posts let each other know what we're obsessing about at the time, but that's where I draw the line.
yep. facebook. it's complicated lol
Can't help much here, being flirted with is a problem I never had and never will have.
People take Facebook way too seriously. I don't think men mind changing their accounts, we just resent being bullied and pressured into changing it. If a woman ever demanded I change my status, I'll delete my Facebook account before I give in.
My boyfriend and I didn't change our status for the better part of a year, and when we did, I asked him to do it for me not because *I* needed it to be changed for our relationship to feel validated, but because some people are really into the whole "Facebook official" thing. I didn't want other people (girls, mostly) looking at his status as "single" and then taking that seriously. Even if you don't need the status changed to know you're a couple, a lot of people will automatically assume that something is off, or that you're not completely together if the status isn't there, and they will act accordingly. Irksome, but true.
DUDE! We tackled this EXACT subject on our web show, "So you have a girlfriend, when to go facebook official". All about what it means to be FBO, if they don't want to, etc. If you get the chance swing by and check it out. http://youtu.be/4QWVFA7w96w
So people flirt with him on facebook and he refuses to change his status.
I'm betting if he is as awesome as you say, people flirt with him everywhere in real life as well. Do you want him to walk around with a sign stating he is in a relationship to avoid real life temptations as well?
I'm a bit concerned that he yelled at you though. Are you?
Lose the loser! Delete him from FB and then block the Assclown!