I tried phone sex once, but it was horrible. I got my schmekel stuck in the coin return flap.
Thank you! I'm here all month.
Phone sex is one of those things that only certain people seem to enjoy. You know whowe you are. I'm not pointing a finger, just saying that I suspect that phone sex is much like pickled eggs or the films of Lars von Trier: there's a limited number of people who actually enjoy it.
I can think of two reasons why he might not want to do it. The first, and I hear this a lot, is that he thinks it's silly. Some people just can't bring themselves to verbalize all the dirty things they want to do their partners, at least not without laughing. The words sound too goofy or cheap or pornographic, and the descriptions of imaginary activities start sounding like Penthouse Forum letters: "Then I slowly (blank) your (blank), and you start (blanking) my (blanking blank) until we are (blanking) and (kerblanking) each other like crazed (blankety blankers)."
The other reason he might not enjoy phone sex is for the opposite reason: it turns him on too much, and you aren't around to help him do anything about it. By the end of the conversation he's built up so much steam that he's about to explode, but can't. Sure, masturbation's great, but it only goes so far for some people. Perhaps stirring up that much sexual energy is too much for him, and he'd just rather wait until you see each other -- which isn't a bad thing. As Grandpa used to say, absence makes the heart grow fonder and the dart grow longer.
Either way, I don't know that you can really help him find interest. I tried to get my wife to like Rush but it's just not happening. Ever. But maybe you give him the ol' "this is very important to me" talk and at least get him to try it. If not, what about alternatives? Sexy chats, e-mails, and photos can work just as well at keeping your loins hot for each other when you're apart.
Tell you what, send some to me and I'll evaluate them and let you know if they might be too hot for him, ok? I know, I know. What can I say, I like helping people.
You're welcome.
Thank you! I'm here all month.
Phone sex is one of those things that only certain people seem to enjoy. You know who
I can think of two reasons why he might not want to do it. The first, and I hear this a lot, is that he thinks it's silly. Some people just can't bring themselves to verbalize all the dirty things they want to do their partners, at least not without laughing. The words sound too goofy or cheap or pornographic, and the descriptions of imaginary activities start sounding like Penthouse Forum letters: "Then I slowly (blank) your (blank), and you start (blanking) my (blanking blank) until we are (blanking) and (kerblanking) each other like crazed (blankety blankers)."
The other reason he might not enjoy phone sex is for the opposite reason: it turns him on too much, and you aren't around to help him do anything about it. By the end of the conversation he's built up so much steam that he's about to explode, but can't. Sure, masturbation's great, but it only goes so far for some people. Perhaps stirring up that much sexual energy is too much for him, and he'd just rather wait until you see each other -- which isn't a bad thing. As Grandpa used to say, absence makes the heart grow fonder and the dart grow longer.
Either way, I don't know that you can really help him find interest. I tried to get my wife to like Rush but it's just not happening. Ever. But maybe you give him the ol' "this is very important to me" talk and at least get him to try it. If not, what about alternatives? Sexy chats, e-mails, and photos can work just as well at keeping your loins hot for each other when you're apart.
Tell you what, send some to me and I'll evaluate them and let you know if they might be too hot for him, ok? I know, I know. What can I say, I like helping people.
You're welcome.
How about using Skype, or something similar, so that he'll have something visual to work with, too?
I don't like talking on the telephone much, anyhows, so I don't think that phone sex would work for me.
Doesn't really do it for me either. But not because I can't talk dirty (whooooa Nelly, can I ever...), but because I want to do it with partner present.
So I second the vote on at least trying it with a visual accessory, Skype or what have you.
But as you said Cary, he may never really like it. What turns one person on can be a total snooze fest for someone else, no matter how you approach it.
Whew, is it warm in here, or is it just me? Must be from all those blankety blankets.
Maybe she could try an alternative that doesn't even include him since he's not interested. No, I am not suggesting she cheat on him. Phone sex requires using the imagination so perhaps some other form of imaginary sex would help her. She could try reading a hot "bodice-ripper" paperback novel or watching a sexy movie. Maybe that would be enough stimulation to tide her over, so to speak, until she can be with him.
I love Lars von Trier!
Funny you mentioned him today because I just watched Breaking the Waves again. Yes I own it. Yes I felt like bawling my fucking eyes out today.
As far as the phone sex. I've been there, done that. It's okay. Sometimes it does feel awkward if your partner isn't into it.
As for me, I'd rather do the dirty talking in person. :)
Another problem is that he may have had phone sex at some point, and it was bad. If it was mainly, "I am f-ing you hard now", "Oooh, harder", "OK, I am f-ing you REALLY hard now", "Oooh, I am getting close", etc, then he probably sees no point to it.
Phone sex is done completely in the imagination. There is no visual, just the spoken word. And, I have found for it to be really enjoyable, the imagery painted with the words has to be very vivid (that may just be though). Basically, aim for an improvised "bodice-ripper" story.
So, a possible way to warm him up is to try to start off with something more sensual and less sexual. First giving him an example of the sort of detail you would like for a simple thing. Maybe start off with saying something like:
"Oh, hon, I miss you. I wish you were here holding me in your arms. I love the feel of your strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to you, so I can snuggle close to you, breathing in the smell of your cologne. Rubbing my cheek against your cheek, feeling it tickle as your stubble brushes against me. Then being able to pull back and stare into each other's eyes. Feeling my body fill with warmth as I see your loving eyes taking me in hungrily. I wish you were here with me right now, just to feel your arms around me and then to have you gently kiss me. If we were together right now, how would you kiss me? Just kissing me, and nothing more."
That may work, or may not. But, it would likely work on me if a woman I was seeing started a conversation like that with me.
That was hot. lol
And yes, I agree, that's the way to go. Phone sex can be awkward or embarrassing if you're not in the mood, so I'd imagine the best way to "ease him into the mood" is to do it slowly & sensually like you might in person. He might be self-conscious about it and so he resists, but if you get him worked up enough, he'll either have to give in to temptation, or... get off the phone. LOL
This is actually very helpful. My boyfriend has asked me to be less overtly sexual when i'm trying to seduce him, but i don't really know how to do that!
I'm not sure how to transition the sweet, sensual talk into phone sex though. How do you do that?
Whew! Nathan.... knock it off.
I think Nathan's trying to find a girlfriend here. Which is fine.
Try telling him, "I want to put your Willy Wonka between my Oopma Loompas."
Works every time.
But it really shouldn't. LOL.
0.o
And that's all I have to say on the subject.
omg lmfaoooo. that's the funniest thing i have ever heard!
I love Kate Winslet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPTV8PZo-Tc
Baw, I'm having the same problem. :( It's not a real big deal for me though. I had a lot of phone sex in a previous relationship, so I'm familiar with it and enjoy it, but I just don't think my current boyfriend is entirely sure or into it. A little disheartening, as we only see eachother about once or twice a month (he lives three hours away and is in college), but I've learned to deal.
Desi, how do you deal? My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. We only see each other like every 3 months and we used to have a lot of phone sex - - until we tried the real thing! Now he never wants to have phone sex, and i'm left feeling completely sexless. It seems like the real thing is all he needs, but I still need that sexual attention from him. How do I get it? I can't force it out of him. I've told him how important it is to me. Maybe the next step is to simply get over it and stop taking it personally. What do you think?