Hm, how exactly does one end up dating somebody - officially - with whom they're not sexually compatible. And make no mistake, the absence of orality when one person loves it does indeed qualify in seven countries and Guam as incompatibility.
Eureka!
As far as how to get him to do it? I have no earthly idea. You see, I'm from the old school. If it makes your woman happy, you do it. If that means falling asleep down there and waking up intermittently and remembering to munch, its what you do. Like I said, old school.
Wait wait, he doesn't like RECEIVING head? My goodness woman...you're dating a martian. While I'm aware that some guys think that women shouldn't do such a thing, I'm finding these men to be more the minority than a Black dude at Bob Jones University.
I'm sorry. I was just flabergasted for a minute. I think the only thing you can do is to let him know how much it would mean to you for him to engage in such acts with you as its part of the experience that you enjoy and want (need?) to be satisfied sexually. Honestly, I can't imagine sticky-sticky with no licky-licky. It just seems to go hand in hand in relationships. The only time its fully unnecessary is when foreplay isn't in the cards: club hookups, quickies, sex with Lindsay Lohan, etc.
This, to me, sounds like one of those things where you decide how important it is to you. If he doesn't like receiving it, it makes sense that he wouldn't like giving. That's just not his bag. But what does he do to get you...going?
You've just got to open up to him about what you want. I'd say that if he loved you, he'd do it, but thats a cop out. Fact is, its just not him which puts the ball back in your court, like I said. Which is where it's going to stay apparently since it's not going in...well, that's just crass.
Then again, you could always get him while he's sleeping and maybe he'll realize what he's missing, and in turn realize what you're missing since he's missing you with all the tongueplay. Of course, you could end up with a punch to the back of your head which is SO not the business.
Sorry homes.
It was written.
Get him while he's sleeping... Your a sleezebag.. For real that is wrong on so many levels.
Not everyone is the same, it is not mandated that to be normal you have to engage in oral sex. Do you realize how truly filthy the human mouth is? I can't say I blame him. Not too long ago I let a guy I was seeing go down on me, I ended up with a UTI. I had to get screened for everything....It wasn't pleasant and its got me rethinking ever having oral sex with someone .
Look he doesn't want to, respect his wishes or break up and find someone who wants to do that. I know we all have needs, but its wrong to force it onto those who don't want to.. I believe thats called rape..
Wow. who died and made you the good news bear? good God. i like how you incorporated rape into the equation.
take a chill pill. relax and realize its not that serious. the crux of what i wrote alludes to exactly your last point, save the overzealous introduction of rape.
and i am not a sleezebag. im sexxy. get it right.
I feel obliged to respond to this because UTIs have no reflection on how dirty the human mouth and/or your partner is. UTIs are caused by the bacteria near your vagina and/or an*s being exposed to your urethra. In women, because those two entry ways are so close together and because we have such short urethras (unlike men) we are at greater risk for you UTIs. A UTI is not a sexually transmitted disease, and it is important to know the difference. I'm glad you got tested anyway, but you shouldn't have been alarmed simply because of a UTI. In fact, many couples get UTIs when they first start having s*x and becoming intimate because they're having sex with such frequency and a lot of new bacteria floats around. One of my first gynecologists called it "honeymoonitis". Anyway, I just had to dispel the misnomer that UTIs are anything but natural.
Yes my dr gave me the same info. I was pissing blood though, and they thought it could have been something more serious.
Anyhow I am not anti oral, if anything it just taught me that I am going to use dental dam, because I don't feel like having to make trips to the ER.
As for the rape insinuation , yes your correct that's going a little far. But what you're kidding about is molestation, and its not funny or cute... Maybe exercise some caution with that, because its nothing to joke about.
You need to calm down, and realize that everyone here believes that rape or molestation is VERY BAD. No one in their right mind would advocate either.
He actually suggested it. He was wrong. End of story. Also, I don't have to read this site anymore, if this is how men think then I prefer to stay oblivious... Very gross, very sickening.
It was clearly a joke. And this accusation that you keep making is extremely offensive. Extremely.
:(
Sorry to hear that!
While I agree and disagree with some of the answers, these guys are being truthful. This really is how men are and if you can't accept that, it's no different than the men who insist that women are {insert insult here} because they are supposedly more emotional/less logical/turned on by the wrong things/etc. By freaking out and making accusations, you are perpetuating the misinformation that requires a site like this to exist in the first place.
And closing yourself off to the glory which is our differences. We should revel in the fact that men and women are different. It's part of what makes relationships and advneture!
Had to reply. That would be the difference in male/female thinking right there. When it comes to the one you are with, there pretty much is no such thing as "rape" in the male mind. Not 100% mind you, but to probably 95% of guys waking up to doing any kind of deed would not be wrong on ANY levels. It would be hotter than heck.
Now granted waking up to have a whale dildo being shoved up the back door or to a knife snipping it off...yeah, that would be wrong! But waking up to oral? Woot!!! Sweet monkeys!
And to make it even funnier, that was only the very last part of PJ's suggestion which is pretty clearly tongue in cheek to some degree especially considering the "getting punched in the head" comment.
And last but not least, some rather interesting answers to this dilemma lie in one of Cary's posts:
http://www.guyspeak.com/answers/how-to-tell-my-guy-to-go-down-for-mewithout-saying-anything/
I'lll agree with you on the one thing that its never ok to even "joke" about rape. Its disrespectful and I found it crude and wrong that Panama suggested something like that.
Not to get all personal on you guys, but I was actually raped like that where i woke up to being raped by one of my guy friends. Its an ugly thing and its just one of those things you can't joke about. Lots of people who are raped are uncomfortable talking about it because of the culture that somehow the raped person enjoys it or they invited it or whatever. So please, dont ever suggest doing sexual things to someone while they're sleeping that they specifically said they didnt want done. It's just wrong.
just a thought, and possibly one thats way off base, but maybe a past molestation is the reason why he is uncomfortable with it all together. My ex gf was this way and its something it took her years to overcome.
This thought also crossed my mind. It's tragic, but possible.
OMG, really people??? It wasn't that serious. He was clearly making a funny & to agree with Laje, most dudes would be BEYOND stoked to wake up to some morning dome. Imagine waking up to your man and/or woman gobbling on your goodies. "Sweet monkeys" indeed. Homedude probably had a horrible experience previously (i.e. teeth...shudder) and just isn't about it anymore. Or he might not have ever received head before (the chances of this are slim to none) and is apprehensive about giving because he's not sure what to do to makes it enjoyable for his woman. Catching him off guard might actually clue him in to what he's been missing.
I dated a guy JUST like that. He was all, "There are just some things I think a girl should never have to do." I think it was a cop-out because he just REALLY wasn't into going down on me. Didn't last long, lol.
haha, guam
Major overreaction goin on in this thread! take a breather. PJ wasn't joking about molestation or rape, wakin ur partner up wit sum easy luvin is not only acceptable, but very hot. There's ahuge difference between touchin sumone ur in a commited relationship wit & sumone u've never been wit when they'r sleepin. In fact my BF luvs it, as do I as long as he moves slowly. I've also experienced wakin up to sumone I didn't consent to takin advantage & while I can't say I've gotten over it (still suffer insomnia & nightmares) I feel safe enuf wit my BF after 6 yrs that when he touches me n my sleep I know who it is. So chill out & pay attention to everythin that's being said instead of focusing on 1 line.
no, i generally agree, but when your partner has expressed his wishes, they shouldn't be taken lightly either. You shouldnt take matters into your own hands and wake him up with a bj if he has specifically said he doesnt want that, ya know. I personally wouldnt ever turn it down, lol. but thats just me.
all i am saying is maybe the reason he doesnt want it is because of something in the past has given him an ill taste in his mouth for it, so to speak ; ).
also, you have to keep in mind, we dont know how long they have been together, they could be a new couple ^shrug^
Maybe... he's just saying he doesn't want a blow job because he SECRETLY really wants one... Hopefully... or maybe he's gay...
THIS IS A PERPLEXING QUESTION!
if he were gay, a mouth is a mouth, it would take a lesser stretch of the imagination for him to really enjoy that as opposed to vaginal sex...just sayin, lol
My boyfriend says he has only had a blow job a few times in his life and he just wasn't that into it. I have told him many times that I would love to give him one and would enjoy it myself. I have tried to go down there, but he just says "please don't". He said he thinks it is unromantic and doesn't have the closeness that sexual intercourse has. Is this normal? I have never known a guy who didn't want a blow job.
im a guy and i've never given oral sex, have no intrest in ever giving it. and the male, and female, attitude that its expected causes me some moderate anxiety.
as for recieving it... genneraly i prefer vaginal sex. i fail to see what the big deal is, at best oral feels about half as good as vaginal sex, my last girlfriend really liked to give head, but I usualy would have to switch to something else if i was going to cum. maybe it's the intimacy, but i've always felt more intimate looking into my girlfreinds face than at the top of her head.
personaly i think oral sex is about power. and lots of people get off on that. I think so many do that its basically the norm. but as i've begun to explore my own sexuality i've found that power imbalances and the bedroom dont mix well at all for me.
it also seems taboo to mention that girls (and guys) equipment smells. I'm aware its medically natural and not at all harmful or a refelction on the womans hygene, but even when i was considering giving it a go with my last girlfriend i would have had to do it after a shower.
not all guys fit into the same mold, or girls. mostly i've noticed, when people have asked me my two cents on the issue i've been accused of being gay, being selfish, or having some kind of pychological issue.
for some reason a girl not liking anal isn't equated with being a lesbian or being abused as a child... why this oral thing for men?
I feel that it is the same thing for a guy as It is for a girl. If he don't like it then respect that, just like a guy should respect it if is girl don't want it. Don't try to talk them into or anything no means no and that's it. I'm a girl and I hate the idea of oral, I think it's gross, and less romantic. Some girls like it though but I just don't see myself ever doing that. I have never heard of a guy not liking oral but that don't mean it's not out there. I don't think it's weird, selfish, gay or anything. Everybody is different and should be respected of what they want from their bf/gf.