Hang on a second. Ever heard the expression "buried the lede"? In the newspaper business, it's when you ignore the meat of the story in favor of unimportant details. That's what you've done here. The video game playing is secondary-- your boyfriend hating condoms is the real issue. Seems like he's the one with the problem. If he's so worried about you getting pregnant, maybe he should freakin' wrap it up. Birth control pills aren't enough. Stuff happens, like you being a few days late starting your pill. This wouldn't be a problem if he used condoms.
It sounds to me like he wants to break up. If he was really into you, he'd use condoms. The non-stop video game playing also seems to be a way of distancing himself from you. Could be that he was freaked out by you being off your birth control, and now he's being extra, extra careful. This seems really unfair, however. It's like he's using the no-sex thing to punish you for being late on your birth control.
Honestly, this guy sounds like a jerk. Why should it be on his terms? You should be just as worried about unwanted pregnancy and STDs. So why does he get to call the shots in terms of birth control methods? (Have you both been tested for STDs by the way?) So many unwanted pregnancies and STDs have started with the words "I hate condoms." He's the one being reckless, and yet he withholds sex as a means of punishing you for being late on your pill. (F this guy. Seriously.) Let him know that you feel like he's neglecting you for his video game. If he values the video game over you, that's a problem. And tell him you want to use condoms. You'd rather be extra careful and not have to take another extended break from sex.
Finally, the "terrified of child support" thing really bothers me. As if that's the only option. So if you got pregnant, he's going to bail? He's not going to be there for you for whatever you decide to do? That sounds like a dealbreaker to me. Ugh. There is so much wrong with this situation. Protect yourself. Get him to use condoms, and consider whether you want to be with this rather controlling douchebag.
It sounds to me like he wants to break up. If he was really into you, he'd use condoms. The non-stop video game playing also seems to be a way of distancing himself from you. Could be that he was freaked out by you being off your birth control, and now he's being extra, extra careful. This seems really unfair, however. It's like he's using the no-sex thing to punish you for being late on your birth control.
Honestly, this guy sounds like a jerk. Why should it be on his terms? You should be just as worried about unwanted pregnancy and STDs. So why does he get to call the shots in terms of birth control methods? (Have you both been tested for STDs by the way?) So many unwanted pregnancies and STDs have started with the words "I hate condoms." He's the one being reckless, and yet he withholds sex as a means of punishing you for being late on your pill. (F this guy. Seriously.) Let him know that you feel like he's neglecting you for his video game. If he values the video game over you, that's a problem. And tell him you want to use condoms. You'd rather be extra careful and not have to take another extended break from sex.
Finally, the "terrified of child support" thing really bothers me. As if that's the only option. So if you got pregnant, he's going to bail? He's not going to be there for you for whatever you decide to do? That sounds like a dealbreaker to me. Ugh. There is so much wrong with this situation. Protect yourself. Get him to use condoms, and consider whether you want to be with this rather controlling douchebag.
Damn Nick, I was thinking the same thing. When someone shows you who they are…, believe them!!!
Okay, ya, this guy seems pretty messy. I do my best to play devils advocate but I don't think even I can do that here. He seems like a genuine ass.
One possible reason for his hatred of condoms could be due to a lack of sensitivity or proper stimulation. I know people always cry out that that particular excuse is bull. Personally, I had a spinal injury when I was four years old and my sensitivity down there is not great. If I wear a condom I barely feel anything at all. Every time I have worn a condom it's exciting initially because the women I love/lust is there but after a little while I start having problems keeping it going because I feel nothing. Lot's of guys think this is Erectile Dysfunction when it is actually just nerve damage caused by trauma of some kind. I know a lot of Football and Rugby guys who have the same problem as they have been hit there one too many times. Without a condom I feel something and can definitely produce results haha, but people will often call the bullshit card on any man with this issue as all the dirtbags in the world try to bareback it because it is an unnecessary preference.
Regardless, even if he had this issue (Which is pretty rare unless he played a lot of contact sports or has a back injury, I did both, my bad) he is still being an ass with everything else. A serious talk is in order and you'd better go into it with the mindset of possible leaving him.
How about Mr. Douchebag getting snipped?
That way he'll NEVER need to worry about child support, and the world will have one less man-child procreating.
My son's father also said he hated condoms. Guess what, BC failed. Wrap that shit up boys.
I am disappointed in this response. You are making a lot of assumptions, including but not limited to the fact that you are assuming that EVERY couple who doesn't particularly want children right now believe that they also need to use condoms while the woman is on birth control. I went on birth control because I don't want to have the feeling of condoms, I don't like it and I'm a GIRL. Women can dislike condoms and will be willing to take the role of using contraceptives because not only does it give herself peace of mind, but it also puts a woman's control over her birth control back to her.
I am willing to take that slim chance that I will get pregnant because I can afford it if I do and I do want kids eventually. However, maybe this guy has a paranoid personality and he just really did want to be super sure they wouldn't get pregnant because she didn't take her birth control on time. I don't blame him. If put in this situation, I would restrain from sex also.
If you want to start with assumptions, did you not catch the fact that it SEEMS that the OP doesn't mind having children, and doesn't care about that risk, and maybe he absolutely doesn't want kids. She didn't seem too concerned that she might get pregnant and he was all paranoid about it. It seems that the larger issue here might not be HIM not wanting to be with her, but rather the two of them have issues to work out regarding whether they want children or not.
To assume that the video games (maybe something good was just released, idk) has something to do with him wanting to break up with her is just ridiculous and, in fact, harmful information to give this girl because instead of maybe helping her to see things as a GUY would see it, you are now trying to act like a relationship guru.
I agree completely haha. I'm getting negative responses for having nerve damage because of peoples cynicism and assumptions with no real knowledge or understanding. You make a very good point. It is refreshing.
A guy who is "terrified of child support" does not sound ready to have kids. A guy like that should get over his condom issue. There are too many unwanted pregnancies, divorces, and unhappy marriages that could have been prevented. So yeah, that needs to be discussed.
My problem is that he unfairly holds all the cards here. He makes the call on birth control, and refuses to have sex with her when she is late on her pill. A good boyfriend would use condoms for a month so his girlfriend doesn't have to go without sex. If he doesn't want to use condoms overall, fine. But he can be a man and tough it out for a month. Or at the very least, he shouldn't consume himself with a game right after the dry spell.
Believe me, I understand being wrapped up in a game. And I also know the signs when a guy is using it to avoid his girlfriend. Being more into the game than his girlfriend after dictating a period of time without sex is a bad sign. At best, the pregnancy scare freaked him and he's not willing to talk about it. At worst, he's unable to admit that he wants to break up. Either way, he's not communicating very well.
And I'll cop to acting like a relationship guru seeing as how that's what we do here. : )
That's a :) at the end by the way.
Wow....by far the most ignorant comment I've ever read. This is an advice column dealing MAINLY with relationship advice. I am pretty sure nick knows what he's talking about. :-)
Wow....by far the most ignorant comment I've ever read. This is an advice column dealing MAINLY with relationship advice. I am pretty sure nick knows what he's talking about. :-)
Emi. , I think YOU are assuming he doesn’t want children. The poster said “He doesn’t want to pay child support.” Sound more like he doesn’t want children…., WITH HER.
Love the feedback and totally agree!!
To me, the video game thing is a bigger issue. We all hate condoms; that's not very worrisome to me (yeah, he should still suck it up and wear them, but maybe he's aware of the fact that even when used perfectly, condoms still only have a success rate in the 80's).
But if a guy kept ignoring me because of a game, I'd be insulted as hell. And this is coming from a girl who at one point in her life logged over 120 hours on Elder Scrolls: Oblivion--twice. People use video games as a form of escapism, and unfortunately, you're the thing he's trying to escape from here.
I know it's a terribly old-fashioned way for a 23 year old to think, but I have always ALWAYS held the view that if you're not ready for ALL of the consequences of sex, including potential children, then you're probably not ready to have it. If you can't plan it properly, if you "don't like condoms" (wah wah wah) then you're not ready to stick it in someone.
It's why I waited until I was 19, and when I did, was on the pill, and made every partner I had use condoms, AND made them withdraw before coming as well. It seemed ridiculous to my friends, but I absolutely do not want children, and I couldn't go through with an abortion. I wanted to be as safe as possible. And if you think that means not having a fantastic sex life, then you clearly don't have much of an imagination :P These days, a couple of my friends have accidental children and that's it, that's their lives fixed in. Not necessarily with the right partner's for them, or at the right time, but it's done.
If children is not an outcome of sex that you're ready to deal with, then wrap it up, use spermicide lubricant, go on the pill, get an implant, tie some tubes, do whatever you have to. If you're not mature enough to think that your mild penis discomfort is a major issue compared to a) having sex with your partner and b) not spending the next eighteen years of your life looking after someone, then you probably shouldn't be having sex.
Also, there are condoms to suit every single kind of penis, if he doesn't like/fit regulars. Just throwing that out there. I have to buy special ones online for my partner. ^_^
I always hate when people say: "If you have a kid early, that's your life down the drain." My daughter was born when I was 19. Yes, accidental pregnancy, (her mother told me she was on the pill but at the time she was not actually taking them) yes her mother turned out to be bad news in the end and we divorced. But my actual life kept going. I was able to keep working and going to school and pretty much raise my daughter by myself. I became a Police Officer only a year later than I planned, got my degree, and live a happy and comfortable life with my daughter and fiance.
To all those people out there who may be reading this and have used an unplanned child as an excuse for not pursuing your life. Get off your ass. I know people with severe disabilities (mental and physical) who have managed to push themselves to amount to what they wanted of themselves. If they can do it, you definitely can. Having a child early is not the end of your life, it is just a bonus.
I know it's a terribly old-fashioned way for a 23 year old to think, but I have always ALWAYS held the view that if you're not ready for ALL of the consequences of sex, including potential children, then you're probably not ready to have it. If you can't plan it properly, if you "don't like condoms" (wah wah wah) then you're not ready to stick it in someone.
It's why I waited until I was 19, and when I did, was on the pill, and made every partner I had use condoms, AND made them withdraw before coming as well. It seemed ridiculous to my friends, but I absolutely do not want children, and I couldn't go through with an abortion. I wanted to be as safe as possible. And if you think that means not having a fantastic sex life, then you clearly don't have much of an imagination :P These days, a couple of my friends have accidental children and that's it, that's their lives fixed in. Not necessarily with the right partner's for them, or at the right time, but it's done.
If children is not an outcome of sex that you're ready to deal with, then wrap it up, use spermicide lubricant, go on the pill, get an implant, tie some tubes, do whatever you have to. If you're not mature enough to think that your mild penis discomfort is a major issue compared to a) having sex with your partner and b) not spending the next eighteen years of your life looking after someone, then you probably shouldn't be having sex.
Also, there are condoms to suit every single kind of penis, if he doesn't like/fit regulars. Just throwing that out there. I have to buy special ones online for my partner. ^_^
Some people are allergic to latex and unfortunately you have to special-order non-latex condoms. But that isn't what this guy's problem is, I'm pretty sure. He sounds immature. The bigger alarm bell is that he doesn't want to pay child support but isn't willing to do his part in birth control. This dude would not be a keeper.
I'm sorry, but a dude making excuses for NOT wanting sex is already getting it from someone else....or wants to. This guy is not nice. I'm a woman, I hate condoms, but until I'm in a committed relationship with a man, we each contribute to our safety and birth control by ME being on the pill and HE ...using condoms. It's called being responsible adults.
well if your douchebag bf is playing cod over u I'd be happy to take his place lol