Everybody's different when it comes to PDA. He's probably just shy. If you are worried that it's a sign that he's not into you, don't. He's traveling long distances to see you--trust me, he's into you.
He also might be the kind of guy who is slow to warm up. Talking over the internet and phone is one thing, but when shy people find themselves face-to-face with someone for whom they've expressed feelings, it can be daunting, especially in public.
I'm wondering why it matters so much to you. I think people can put too much importance on appearances and public verification of their relationship--PDA, Facebook statuses, calling you his 'girlfriend,' etc. Some guys who avoid these kinds of things are hiding things, but others aren't. They just don't care to be showy.
You say that you want the world to know the man on the other end of the phone, but why? The world doesn't know or care; all that matters is that you feel secure with him.
I assume you've asked Ice Man about it. What does he say? Is he affectionate in private? To me, private is a lot more important than public.
If you are getting other vibes that he is not as interested in you as you are in him, then I would give the lack of PDA more weight. (Not being willing even to hold hands is a little weird, yes.) Otherwise, I'd file this one under No Big Deal. That is, unless PDA is a deal-breaker for you. Then you have a bigger issue to consider: whether or not to stay with him.
Thanks for the question.
While I think that everyone is different in their styles and comfort level with PDA, I do think that it's important for him to be okay with the world knowing that you're his. No, it's not necessary to hold hands or put your relationship on facebook, but if he flat our refuses, I tend to wonder what's beneath that. We all deserve to be with a guy who actually wants the world to know and is proud of showing you off...some one who is really into you. I tend to think that it's a sign of how he really feels about you.
From my experience, he'll refuse to act affectionate or put things out there for the world to see with you. And with the next girl he dates, he'll show her off to the world and he'll announce it to everyone. You'll see that he'll be into her for real, and it's not just his "style" or "personality" to refrain from PDA.
I will admit that once I didn't accept a guy I was dating's request to be his girlfriend on facebook... and it was because I didn't want to announce to the world that I was dating him. My bad. BUT, I also am honestly not into the whole PDA thing. I don't think I've ever held hands with my boyfriend in public.. maybe because I'm a foot shorter and it would be awkward but still. I honestly feel that as long as he's not ignoring you or treating you like any old acquaintance in public and shows affection in private then there really is not a problem. As wise guy said though it it's that big of a deal to you and he doesn't change then maybe re-think things.
After going through some rough patches with my boyfriend recently, I got teary after reading this line: "The world doesn't know or care; all that matters is that you feel secure with him."
Thanks once again, Cary. I'm mighty glad I landed on this site and found you all wonderful men.
I am affectionate but never understood PDA which to me is a statement to the world you don't care who knows or sees. What you have with your significant other is precious and just between the two of you. It can get complicated when family and friends know and feel they can weigh in on your relationship - what they think can affect and influence you.
I think little, sweet PDAs are nice :) It's less the fact that people are watching than the fact that we are out doing something together and having fun. We always hold hands in public and some of the best kisses are little ones on a park bench or on the beach.
Do you mean by lack of PDA that he is denying your advances, or just not instigating it himself? If it's the latter, try starting things yourself. He might just be shy or worried that you'll reject him. If it's the former, don't look to far into that. Like WA said, it's what happens in private that you should focus on.