Tell him to have fun and send postcards. Then find other guys to date.
What? You're supposed to wait for him? You certainly can, but why should you? Did he ask you to join him on his adventure? No? Then he made the choice to travel without you, which is fine, but it doesn't mean you should sit at home with a candle in your window as you await his triumphant return.
He's seeing the world, expanding his horizons, meeting new people, growing and learning and living. More power to him. But you should be able to do the same at home in his absence: go out, do fun things, meet new people. I know it's not quite as thrilling as backpacking in the Andes, but it's better than banishing yourself to the tower and polishing the lock on your chastity belt every night. You deserve to grow and expand your life, too, and part of that is dating other guys if you want.
I don't know if he expects you to wait for him, or if you are pressuring yourself to do so. You can wait if you want, but who wants to live in limbo? Not me. Life goes on, with or without our participation. Me, I want to be on that train when it leaves the station.
Look, if you really like the guy and want him back when he returns, great. You don't have to break up; you can call it a hiatus, and he can look you up when he returns. But I think it's unreasonable of anyone -- him, you, me, Betty White, Bigfoot, anyone -- to expect you not to date around in his absence.
So decide what you want to do, and do it. You don't need his permission. He made his choice, and now you have to choose what's best for you.
That doesn't help the war effort Cary!
That's hilarious! Though, I don't think it should apply to military service men and women...esp if you're engaged or married already. They are actually working, and not to mention risking their lives. This guy's just playin around, sounds like.
My BF of 6 years said the same thing to me (though not for 6 months, just like 3 weeks), and you know what? I gave him my blessing, just as Cary says, with the full intention of NOT sitting there and waiting around for his butt the whole time while he's gallivanting around Europe. Your guy is probably going to intentionally or unintentionally hook up with foreign girls while he's there, anyway. It's like yeah, dude, no one's stopping you, but get over yourself. So I say, just take a break.
I worry about the same thing... I'm joining the military and am extemely scared to start a relationship before leaving. It's not that I don't want to have one, but I'm afraid that if I do get into a serious relationship, I'll leave and one of two things will happen. One, he'd cheat and send my happy little world crashing around me. Or, two, he'd stay faithful and locked in the proverbial tower where he'd be lonely. Either way, it'd really suck for both of us.
only you know how strongly he feels for you! i would think he would mention you two not seeing other people while hes away if he did... and if he hasn't... then i agree with the above...
If he didn't invite you to go along with him, it doesn't sound like he's worried too much about missing you while he's gone. He has made it rather clear that he'd rather travel around and see the world than stay put and spend time with you. So, yeah, it sounds to me like there's not much point in sitting around and waiting for him. He sounds like an ex-boyfriend to me.
(I think Bigfoot kind of has a reputation for being unreasonable. HA HA HA HA HA!)
We don't know if he invited her, maybe she can't get off of work. The question also doesn't mention how long they've been together. If they've been together for 5 years, 6 months isn't very long. This is something that they should talk about, and then decide, like Candice said.
Yes, I assumed they would discuss it.
I think six months is a long time apart no matter how long you've been together. People do it, but it can change the dynamic of the relationship.
I think that what it might be is something he wants out of his system before other tie downs like kids. After all who wants to try going hiking in a new place with a kid saying they're tired every few minutes? After all sometimes just going to a simple picnic outing at the local park can be a chore, I can't imagine trying to go see new places that may not be kid friendly with kids in tow. However what if she would like to travel too before kids? I know I want to travel and see other states and places and be able to fly at least once so if I ever took my future kids on vacation I could better assure them things are fine on short flights or something like that.
And I agree even if you guys agreed to stay faithful and such while he's away that doesn't mean you gotta sit at home with nothing going on. While he's away take up that cooking class you wanted to try and wow his pants off at the new dishes you learned. Take up defense arts of some kind not only good for defense reasons but also gives you something you can teach him. In other words go out there and enrich your life by trying out new things! It'll give you guys things to write about or talk about when he's back.
And if you guys did decide to part ways and see how things might be when he gets back, well honey don't hesitate to go on some dates. You never know when you might meet interesting people and even if they don't become dating material they might be some cool new friend who can hook you up to theme parks or concerts at a nicely reducded price :P
It really depends on whether the two of you are "serious" about one another or not. If not, well, do whatever you want. If you ARE serious about each other, then six months is really not that long of a time to be apart. As Cary said, you should be spending that time growing and expanding your own horizons. But you don't necessarily need to fill that time with other guys. Spend some time on your own and enjoy learning more about yourself--that's probably what your boyfriend is doing.
It's kind of sad how other people are ragging on your bf, saying that "he has made it rather clear that he'd rather travel around and see the world than stay put and spend time with you." Wow, really?! Unless you guys are 60 years old and have had plenty of time in your lives to travel around and see the world already but never bothered, well, this is a good time to do it! You should be proud of him for trying to inject a little culture and adventure into his life and grow as a person, not chastising him for not "staying put and spending time with you." How bad would you feel if, 20 years down the road, you guys are still together and he resents you every single day because he didn't travel because you made him feel guilty?
How would you feel if the tables were turned? You'd think he was pretty insecure and lame, I bet.
No one is bad-mouthing the boyfriend. We are simply saying that he made his choice, and she should be free to make hers. I agree with you: she should be proud of him. But that doesn't mean she has to wait for him.
Am I the only one who thought "polishing the lock on your chastity belt every night" sounded dirty??
I'm going to be using it as a euphamism for my sex life from now on.
Well...if it were a marriage I suppose that would be one thing, or like some one mentioned on here, if it were like a military relationship...but otherwise...I don't know...I figure if she's asking then maybe she's unsure about waiting anyway.
I thought so, too.
if he is just a boyfriend then its not that serious and i dont see why you have to wait around for him. its a great opportunity for him and its one i know i would take but i would not expect my bf to stay with me before during and after. thats just cruel.
now if you were married, that would be different, but...
Seriously best answer of 2010.
My boyfriend is leaving me for 2 years for a LDS mission, which i support 110%.
I want to wait for him, and i am not going to date while hes gone.
all girls say they're going to wait for their missionary, stop pretending because ten bucks say you'll dear john him. I realize your 18 but the fact you still think you will make it 2 years with out him just proves your immaturity and I've found young immature Mormon girls are the first to get married.
girls she didn't ask you, and I think Cary gave a great answer to the question. stop analyzing.
i really disagree with this. how is it any different than a long distance relationship? just because you're apart physically doesn't mean he has to go hook up with other people. ever heard of self control? if it's a serious relationship and you're actually devoted to each other, i'd say it's more like a short-term long-distance thing. which sucks, don't get me wrong. my boyfriend and i currently live 2 states apart. if it's a serious relationship though, you should WANT to wait for him and he should WANT to stay out of trouble while he's away.
if, however, the relationship is casual, not headed anywhere serious, then this answer completely makes sense. but if you're in a serious relationship, how is it so different from marriage? wearing a wedding ring shouldn't be the only thing keeping you guys out of other people's pants while you're apart.
Actually, there is no difference. The same advice applies to long distance relationships. End it or put it on haitus and date other people. Long distance rarely works.
Exactly. Thank you.
I'm new to this site and I found it very helpful. Everybody's opinion is worth analyzing. Being in a different country, we do have a different outlook about this. Usually, we wait for the other person faithfully. But it's also right to have fun without having to go out and look for a replacement. Just meet people and behave. So everybody's happy.
you dont know crap obviously. i have been dating him for 3 years and i know what for a fact I am going to wait for him, so how about you quit pointing fingers, and realize who you are talking to. I am going to focus on college and hang out with friends. NICE try though.
Who are you responding to?
WTH? GO THE HECK WITH HIM... if you can't then listen to everyone else's entries. But that would be awesome backpacking together
Well, my boyfriend has been travelling for 8 months and we agreed to keep the relationship together. I just bought my first home and started a new job while he has been away. As a result it has been easy to keep my side of the promise as I've been putting all my time and money into these projects rather than being a social butterfly. He remained in touch throughout his travels and insists that his feelings have deepened for him, trouble is I don't know how I feel anymore. I'm content with my life and not sure if I feel the same as I did months ago. I was worried he'd change when in fact it is me who is changing. Time will tell I suppose.
Give yourself permission to date.
If this guy is the guy for you, then no one else you meet will be able to hold a candle to him, and upon his return, you pick up where you left off, no harm, no foul (no STD's- use protection!)
If you do find a guy that's better than him whom you fall in love with... well, wouldn't that have sucked if you'd never met because you were waiting for Marco Polo to come home (at which point, there's no guarantee the relationship would continue anyway)?
Hi. Advice needed badly. I met my boyfriend overseas about 2 months before I was returning home. (The other side of the world!) We never made a face to face commitment as I didn't think I would see him again. But we ended up keeping in constant contact for 3 months before he then embarked on a 6 month backpacking adventure through Africa, India and Nepal before arriving in my country in November last year.
During this time I kept on checking in with him to see if he wanted to stay commited and suggested we keep our options open as it will be much easier on both of us. He insisted that he didn't want to sleep with anyone else and that he wasn't on a holiday to pick up girls. He wanted to remain faithful even though we had had very little time in eachother's physical presence. He rang me or emailed once every 10 days / sometimes more, for 6 months. I remained faithful even though it was hard at times. A month after he arrived he told me he had a one night stand with a girl he met in his first week of travel. I was upset but decided to forgive him as things were going so well. He insisted she was the only one. We fell in deeply in love. Then, two weeks ago he told me there were actually three other women (all one night stands.) that he slept with on his travels. He wasn;t going to tell me but wants to have a future with me and didn't think he could do that without telling the truth first. The last 7 months have been so fantastic and we are mad about eachother but now I am just mad. He has given me access to his email account, phone and deleted any women he may have ever kissed, ex girlfriends etc off facebook and had an STD test (which was clear) as proof of his dedication.
At the time he slept with these women I wasn't exactly sure where we were headed and was fighting with my own temptations. However, I remained loyal and gave him plenty of opportunities to be honest. Given that we only went on about 7 dates before I left him, it may have been an unrealistic exercise but I stuck to my word. I don't know what to do.....
how can you have this kind of conversation with your boyfriend, while keeping it light and open? do you have a recommended approach?