You've come to Guyspeak for what R. Kelly calls' Real Talk', and so I'm not going to waste your time talking about "ooh this guy is a criminal and a total disaster." Chances are he's not; he's probably a college-age dude, and he and his buddies want to raise the ante on their partying. They've already drank past the point of pooping in their sleep, they've already smoked enough weed to memorize the entire Bob Marley Legend Album and now they want to fry some bigger brain cells. Naughty naughty, but I get it; we all went to The University of Massachusetts, Amherst in some way or another.
And even though I am responding to this question during National Charlie Sheen Appreciation week, I am going to concur with your sentiment: it's a dumb idea. But, it's not your place to pull his nose off the glass coffee table; that, ultimately his choice. It is your place to express how you feel about it and be vocal about it. You guys are a couple; you care about him. It doesn't make you Laura Lame girl, Patty the Party Pooper or The Town Drug Czar to say dude, don't do coke, it's dangerous, illegal and lame.
I think you need to figure out what your real issue with this is and communicate it accordingly, Are you worried that his upcoming coke try-out will be the inevitable launching point into a Lindsay Lohan spiral of doom? Are you worried that he'll have an immediate psychotic break and show up to your parents house wearing a Where's Waldo costume drenched in hooker's blood? Or, are you worried that by your expressing disapproval he will drop you as a square nerdling?
It could be all of these or none. But once you identify your concern, it's time to buck up and draw your line in the sand. Tell him what feels right. And that said, if he chooses to snort your line in the sand or a mound of cocaine, at least you've done your part.
I have never done coke. My kid's dad did...frequently. Both before and during my pregnancy. I was very clear that I had no interest in experimenting with that drug. So if he does go ahead and tries it, here's what to expect: he will wake you up at any and all hours of the night, convinced of his own insights. You'll be exhausted and he will refuse to allow you the sweet release of sleep to listen to him go on and on about whatever lame tangent he's on. Not that you'll be the other part of this conversation. This will be a college lecture from hell. He'll be anxious and paranoid. You will probably have no idea how much an 8 ball costs, since that's where most of your rent money will go to. Seriously. Someone that's willing to do something so singleminded-ly stupid is not a person you want to waste your time on.
To the "I'm-not-cool-with-my-bf-trying-coke" girl:
Ultimately, he's gonna do what he wants to do. That's a NO BRAINER! - And yes, it's a bad idea. - First of all, this should tell you something about him. If you've ever even THOUGHT of getting serious, be glad he mentioned it to you. - If he's the type that wants to try that now, what will he want to try 6 months from now? How about a year from now?
Obviously you care about him, and that's what sucks. You don't want to screw things up, but at the same time, you will feel differently about him if he does it. - I would tell him how you feel, and if he does it, don't walk away...RUN away! - Nothing good comes from it, except a high.
I can say from experience with addicts that EVERYONE has it under control, according to their own self diagnosis. That's bullshit. NOBODY has it under control, the second they do it.
Think of it this way: Everyone's first BEER tastes like shit the first time you taste it. But compared to the buzz, and the relaxing inhibition feeling that everyone gets, and the "excuse" it provides when you're doing stupid shit at that "party", the taste is worth it, right? Multiply that by 10, all the way around, including the cost. When it gets to be too expensive, he'll be "just trying" krak. - The addiction to getting "high" is the problem, not the "drug of choice".
I don't know what you expect out of a relationship, but already I can tell you expect more than what he's offering, because you reached out with your opinion about it. - You have my respect for that.
Your opinion matters to him, that's why he told you. Now tell him how you feel.
Best of luck to you. :)
"People who smoke 2 packs of cigs a day, started by taking a single drag."
Okay, I just had to comment here. I've tried coke twice. I was curious as to what all the fuss was about, and I like new experiences. I tried it with my mate, very very small dose the first time, normal dose the second.
It was pretty fun; it made me sociable and happy. I enjoyed it, none of my other friends knew or realised I'd taken anything, and that was the end of it. I did not wake my boyfriend in the middle of the night, and I didn't get addicted. I had simply wanted to see what it was like, I did, and I felt (and feel) absolutely no urge to try it again, despite my positive experience.
There are a lot of people who seem to think that all you need to do is try some hard drug once, and you'll end up dying of an overdose, bankrupt, addicted, jobless and homeless. While I'm sure there are some people with extremely addictive personalities who this might be true for, if you just take a sensible approach to trying something, this is most definitely not the case for the vast majority of people.
So my advice would be to just talk to your boyfriend sensibly about the risks involved, and your obvious distaste for him trying it, but not be too worried if he still goes ahead with it. Experimentation is fun!
Jenni, not sure why you got negative feedback. I think that your response was very enlightened and legitimate. Thanks for sharing your story. I've always been a bit curious, too, and I'm nobody's idea of a "cokehead."
So I have done coke a couple of times and it's a lot of fun. I know you are scared for your boyfriend and that is normal because some people don't know how to control themselves and just shouldn't do drugs at all, but if you do it very sporadically and in little doses it is not bad.
Cocaine is a party drug, it will give him a lot of energy and will probably make him talk a lot, and that is why it's perfect for partying. Tell him that if he is going to try it no matter what, he should do it at a big event and not at home watching tv.
Also, don't let him buy the drug, just take a line from one of his friends, that will prevent him from doing more too soon. And I agree with Jenni above me, experimentation is fun, as long as you are careful!!
Okay, well I have to talk about this one.
First off, I have no clue why the only person who talks about working with drug addicts on a regular basis has the most negative responses. These people know what they are talking about.
I am a Police Officer, and before you dismiss me as some Conservative Johnny Kill Joy, I am all for a persons freedom of choice. I myself had done a few different drugs growing up, it's common these days. I am also not your dads age, I am a young officer who was also in University and had all the same pressures/experiences as anyone else born within the past thirty years.
But, to those who talk about doing it a couple times and having a blast etc. You are the minority. It's just a simple fact of life. There are reasons this stuff is illegal, even if you only do it here and there cocaine causes irreparable damage to your body. I have seen it a thousand times working the job I work. It is also not a class thing so don't go there. The city I work in has a prestigious University and many of my calls to addicts apartments and homes are people who went to that school as they usually have the finances for the drugs. Also, as this is your boyfriend I will give you a warning, most calls I get to these homes are not because drugs were reported to police, it is because one spouse is beating the other (Male:Female ratio is nearly 1:1, but that's a conversation for another time). They also claim to not be addicted and say it is just something fun to do from time to time.
I am not condemning the use of drugs. If you are a person who has used or does use drugs, alright. But please be aware of the things that can happen. No good time is worth your heart exploding (it happens, I am not joking. Even to users who are not currently using the drug). Cocaine dramatically increases your heart rate to somewhere around 180-200bpm which does give you a huge energy burst, but can also kill anyone with some kind of heart issue (and many people have undiagnosed heart issues). Please be careful and please talk to your boyfriend about the dangers of drug use. I have seen far too many young people not only have their lives torn apart, but have had their lives ended.
Also, and this is a no brainer, as a cop if I catch you with cocaine you're going to jail and you can wave goodbye to any decent job.
Remember: you reserve the right to break up with him.
I don't think this is necessarily about the drug use, it's about the fact that it bothers her. And since this is the case, she should talk about it, and gauge from there. You can't change someone, and people are always going to do what they want to do, but if he truly matters to you and you truly matter to him, this could be an issue that is worked out.
I've lost friends to drugs, and you just gotta stick to your guns. It hurts, but I'm around better people for me.\
I hope this helps, and best of luck!