If your boyfriend was going to turn into a poet, it would've happened already. I'm sorry to say that the man he is now is the man he's going to be for as long as you know him.
He's set decades worth of precedent in terms of his actions and words (and lack of words), so even if he loves you, you're not going to hear about it from him. Your boyfriend, like some guys, just doesn't ever express his emotions. Why this is the case is up for debate - his father might have been similarly dour, or he sees emotion as a sign of weakness. Whatever the reason, I'm willing to bet this lack of expression has contributed to his nearly fifty years of bachelorhood. And it may, eventually, contribute to you breaking up with him unless you can get past this and accept him for the silent type he is.
I think you should talk to him, and ask him if he cares about you. And if he says yes, ask him why he never says anything to that effect. Regardless of the reason he gives, tell him that hearing something like that from him would mean a lot. See what he does, or what he doesn't do. I think we both know the outcome, but you owe it to yourself to see if you can wring some honest emotion out of your boyfriend.
Good luck.
Ladies, do any of you date the strong, silent types? What have you done?
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He used to be way into me before dating. Maybe he's just not into you anymore, idk.
I how found most lifelong bachelors tend to be set in their ways as Myst said. If you can handle it, hang in there. personally I need more than that. Good luck!!
* I have found... (my smart phone makes me look dumb)
Yes hes still into me. And I did ask him once if he would ever love me, his response I think I love you know. Well if thats the case then say it....He spends every night with me, is constantly with me, and we have an awesome relationship. I would really like to hear him say it once in awhile.
So I asked him once in April if he thought he would ever love me and he said he thought he loves me know. But....he never ever says it to me. I have talked to him about it so I guess I need to be patient. I say it all the time because I mean it and want him to feel loved in the relationship.
To be honest, a girl doesnt really have to say anything. A man who is truly interested will prove that he wants you, however set in his way he is. You see, a guy misses you when he doesnt see you anymore or have you around. Often time, men take women for granted. Its just the reality of things. I say, dont give too much...in attention or affection or time, because men are givers.
If you are showering him with affirmation, affection, love, date plans, calls, how can he possibly ever the develop the feeling to long for you or miss you? You have become the man in the relationship and he might as well feel indifferent, maybe even feminine. The only way a man can be sure of his love and/or feelings towards is when he is not with you. He needs to see that youre not that available, that you are happy without him, that you dont need him, that you look good for yourself and not him, etc....he will then miss you and truly develop a loving feeling for you. He needs to chase you and win. If you have the been the one giving, the dynamic of which the relationship is built on will fall part.
Dont push him away. Just lean back and you will see that if he starts to miss you from not having you around or calling all the time, he will move forward. He will miss you, long for you, and his fear of losing will override all ambivalence he has towards you.
Remember, men fall in love not in a woman's presence, but in their absence. He needs to learn to miss you. And yearn for you again. That is how it works. Good luck. Lean back (stop contacting him, do your own thing, dont see him til he calls you, STOP giving and learn to recieve as it is feminine and works in your favor )and watch him step forward and chase you again. Actions speak louder than words. If you lean back and he dissappears, then he is definitely not the man for you. Good luck.
LMAO! Um, no, we don't love our woman's absence! Can't have sex with our woman if she's, like, you know, not around!
My guy (42) not only has never told a person (family included) that he loves them, he has never had a gf before me...just sex partners. He has told me he loves me once and I am thrilled. I don't need to hear it all the time, if I did this wouldn't work. It took him 2.5 years to say this.
I have told him, probably once every 3-6 months that while I don't need to hear his feelings all the time I do need to know them. I need to know I am not reading into him emotions he doesn't feel.
Sounds like there are other ways your guy 'says' he cares. Can you learn to listen? Is it enough?
What are the things he does to show you he loves you?
I'm in nearly the same situation. My guy is 49 and been dating for 2 years (I'm 31 though). Totally shows me with his actions he cares but he never says it. I've know from the beginning he is expecting me to move on at some point due to the age difference. I've been wrestling with whether this is a deal breaker to me and at what point it will be.
So, so familiar (also, he's 13 years older than I am and also from friends to lovers and pretty much same deal about what you said about his prev. relationships)! We're still at the beginning of this, and I sometimes worry about how I'm gonna feel about it in a few months, a year, a few years? (That is of course should it get to that... who knows, we might break it off before that for other reasons, one just can't know).
Sometimes after we've spent time together I'll ask him something like: "Tell me, what did you like about your weekend?" or "How was your evening?" "Desribe to me what last night was like for you."
Like what Name said: You need to know you're not reading emotions into him he's not experiencing. It's just that it's easier to rely on and trust his actions when they're backed up by words every now and then, rather than to just assume that things are good and you're not imagening things. Also, if it's like this when we're both still in love, he can only get even less vocal about emotions when you get to the phase after in love, I'm guessing?
I think he's a warm person and he's got tons of love and care in him, he just doesn't vocalize his warmth. It makes me feel insecure sometimes.
In my previous long term relationship, I got basically showered with words showing affection and appreciation (just not the actions ;)).