Because guys are idiots sometimes. Once we have something, we tend to take it for granted. Women do it, too, but I think guys are worse. Then one day we wake up, you're gone, and we think, oh well, I'll just find another girlfriend. And maybe we do, but we can't stop thinking about you. The more we get to know her, the more we miss you, and the more we realize just how good we really had it with you. She's not as caring or sweet or pretty as you, she doesn't have your sense of humor, and she doesn't do that thing in bed that you used to do, you little firecracker you. Finally we can't stand it anymore, so we dump her and come a-knocking on your door again, and we bring a new appreciation of you with us.
You've heard the expression, "You don't know what you've got until it's gone," right? A dude wrote that. I'm certain of it.
Give your boy a second chance. I think you'll find he's a changed man. Learning not to take things for granted is a big part of growing up. Chalk it up to experience and move forward.
Great answer Cary. And I'm a big believer in second chances. Take it for what it is and see what he's got and how much he may have changed!
Be weary, though. Sometimes these things repeat their cycle. I'm speaking from recent 2nd chance experience. I guess it really all depends on how the relationship initially ended, which is usually an indicator of what problems there still may be in the relationship. If you feel like you can work out those issues first with him, then maybe it has a fighting chance.
I agree. People RARELY change. Once he gets with her again he'll revert back to his old behavior eventually. I say move on and find someone who knows how to treat you well from the get-go!
And be real careful. Sometimes when a person drops out of a relationship, they just want to prove that they can have that person whenever they want and will string their ex along claiming love, but really just using the ex for sex and ego issues.
But if it feels okay, if your inner intuition is not sending off any warning signs, I say go for it!
Yes, I think he is trying so hard to win your heart now because he realizes how good he had it when he was with you before. I think he also realizes he screwed up by not sticking with you and trying to make things work. If you still want to be with him and still have strong feelings for him, I agree give him another chance. Well written answer, Cary.
I would ask yourself the Reason why you ended it in the first place ? If those core issues are ones that are still there- leave it in the past. My Ex and I went thru this and all I had to do was take inventory of why it didn't work and that he had many years NOT to take me for granted. So I never looked back and I found someone that makes me happy.
ONE chance. No more. Any more, and you're just being played for a sucker.
Before I got married I had a boyfriend that I got back together with after we broke up.. then I did it again.. and again.. All told, I think we broke up and got back together at least a dozen times, over a 4 year period. Our biggest problem (other than I was stupid and he was a douche) was we never actually worked on the problems that kept causing us to break up. We were young and stupid and it just never occured to us to fix things. So if you're gonna get back together with an ex, make sure the reason you broke up is something you can fix, and then actually try and do that. Otherwise you're just gonna end up breaking up again.
Excellent answer Cary, as usual. I believe in second chances--but don't get carried away. Everyone gets a mulligan.
Actually, the lyrics "you don't know what you got til it's gone" weren't written by a guy (although they were probably inspired by one!). Joni Mitchell penned them in her "Big Yellow Taxi" tune. I just happened to hear this today on the radio and it's been stuck in my head since.
Hmmm...interesting lol I wonder if this gentlemen i was dating would come back to me one day? He's with a young lady who I believe is so not right for him at all. Lol I shouldn't be saying that. But you never know I always think of that Joni Mitchell song lol. So we'll see they (my exes) will miss me one day when they realize I'm one of the best they ever had...buh bye. But Cary is right 100% believe me.
I don't suppose Ive read anything like this before. So nice to find somebody with some original thoughts on this subject.
really thank you for starting this up. this website is something that is needed on the web, someone with a little
originality. useful job for bringing something new to the internet!
I'm currently doing this with a long time boyfriend:
We broke up because he messed up& I got really mad at hime about it& lost my temper. It sucked breaking up, & we both wanted each other back, but especially him. We were absolute best friends. He rushed into it from casual friendship straight to "I love you so much and always have" because we dated so log and he miseed me.(His family still swears that its truth!) Anyways, he started pulling back again and it made me really depressed...(because even though I didn't admit it, I adore him still, unconditionally, even his flaws and mistakes). I talked to his dad, a wise man, and we're having about 3-8 weeks of no communication at all. If we see each other a nice hello how are you. Gradually, we're going to rekindle our friendship and hopefully, if we both feel the same way, and it is God's will a relationship. With a clean slate. I am a huge supporter of second chances. The thing is, IF you truly love each other,& want to get back together- don't jeopardize you own chances. Be kind& cordial& extra pretty- from a distance. That girl he fell in love with. (He'll want you more! ;) Slow things down, be his friend, and don't always remind him that he screwed up or hold it over his head or even talk about it 24/7 -because unless he's super forgiving, like mine, you chances will get slimmer and slimmer. Time will tell if you're both meant to be together- even if one of you messes up.