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My boyfriend of seven years cheated on me with my ex sister-in-law. He then walked out on me and our children. He was with her for a month and then begged me to take him back, and cut off contact with her. I do love him but I am having a very difficult time trusting him and am rather depressed and angry. Are we doomed?

That depends on both you and him.

What your boyfriend did was an enormous betrayal of trust. I can't imagine what that must have been like emotionally. Being worried about him stabbing you in the back again is a perfectly human reaction, and his job is to demonstrate that it's not going to happen again. Part of that needs to be legal: If he's not already fully committed to child support, he needs to get on that horse.

You need to figure out, for yourself, if restoring that trust is possible. It might not be, for you personally. And that's okay. Relationships are built on trust and if you can't trust the person you're with, then the relationship is going to fall apart. It's better to figure this out now instead of dragging it out: That won't do you, him, or your children any favors.

Good luck.

Related Links:

What Happens After Forgiving a Cheater?

Is It OK To Take Him Back?

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4 Comments

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That is a tough situation because obviously there is a history there and children. It is not a matter of you and he. I don't think you are doomed. There are a lot of people that have survived these types of situations and made the relationship stronger. What I think you need to determine is 1) does he really want to do what it takes which I would think means not only working on rebuilding trust but also working on his issues as to why he left and why he didn't communicate with you first, 2) you are also going to have to work through some stuff too. While he did the betraying, there was a reason he left and he probably had needs that weren't being met either. If both of you have the courage to look at yourselves and find a good councelor to help, I think you can definitely rebuild a good relationship.

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once a cheater always a cheater -trust like that is nearly impossible to retain again. And if he isn't paying child support - he needs to! Go to friend of the court and get him to pay.

I have no sympathies for people (men or woman) who cheat and or walk out on thier spouses/gf bf/partner. Those are conscious choices made by them leaving the other party competley wrecked.

You deserve better....there are plenty of guys out there that would jump at the chance to treat you AND your children right. Never sell yourself short Anna.

user-pic

once a cheater always a cheater -trust like that is nearly impossible to retain again. And if he isn't paying child support - he needs to! Go to friend of the court and get him to pay.

I have no sympathies for people (men or woman) who cheat and or walk out on thier spouses/gf bf/partner. Those are conscious choices made by them leaving the other party competley wrecked.

You deserve better....there are plenty of guys out there that would jump at the chance to treat you AND your children right. Never sell yourself short Anna.

user-pic

If he just cheated that would be one thing. The fact that he walked out entirely is something more indicative of the guy's character, not circumstances. Think about the toll on your children if he came back only to leave again with the next woman to come along.

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