It's not the most romantic notion; I'll give you that. To have your boyfriend drop to his knee, open up a ring box and say, "Baby, you're one of the ones I could marry," isn't the stuff of fairy tales, but maybe that's ok. We want to believe that in the history of human kind -- through time, space and chance, you and your partner are singularly meant for each other. Is it likely?
After reading How Many People Do You Know?: Efficiently Estimating Personal Network Size by Tyler H. McCormick CK, Matthew J. Saliganik and Tian Zheng, we can assume an average personal network size is 750 people. What's more the probability of two randomly chosen Americans knowing each other is only about 0.0000025%.
So given these facts, perhaps we can say your man is simply a pragmatist. Given all the people he knows, you're the one; At least he should be able to proclaim this.
But putting all that aside for a moment, you want to feel your man's piercing love and certitude that you are right for him; tthat your uniqueness is what is right about you. I'd tell him as much and see what he says.
Remind him: love and perfection is a feeling not a fact. Something that reveals itself from the heart not the mind; it is the stuff of magic 8-balls not calculators.
Whats more romantic than knowing that even if their's no such thing as "the one", that you are the one that he has grown to love and cherish enough to promise his whole life to you? And that this has taken time and work from the both of you to achieve? I think that's way more special than fairy dust and wishes.
I don't believe in "the one". I used to be the most romantic, idealistic person in the world, but now... meh. I'm much more ready to believe that at one time in my life I will meet someone and we will love each other in our ways and we will respect each other and realize that we want to spend our lives together. I think it's more about timing than anything else. Also, you might be much more compatible with that jerk who broke your heart, but does that mean HE'S the one instead of the guy who makes you see a whole future with him? It applies either ways.
Pragmatic love doesn't have to be unromantic. ^_^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gaid72fqzNE
Depends if you're looking for someone who's looking for the one, or if you're looking for someone you're compatible with and who you have a great time with.
Not believe in "the one" doesn't mean he doesn't devote enough love to you.
I think you shouldn't let this nortion to deny all those love he has giving to you. Many years ago, i watched a movie, everything became vagued in my mind except this line" I never know who is the one in my whole life, i think i only will find it out the minute before i pass away".
Some woman even will question herself, wondering whether the men she soon to be married with is the one ?
Kinda sucky, if you ask me. What else doesn’t he believe in? You might one to find that our before he puts a ring on it. Maybe he doesn’t believe in that sweet engagement rings either.
ummm no. believing in "the one" is for people who think the world is some perfect fairy tale. only one out of 6 billion people is for you? yeah right. it's that kind of thinking that prevents people from having a satisfying relationship/marriage.
what he needs to believe in is your own relationship. that's all you need.
(btw, the engagement ring industry is bs. maybe you should re-focus your priorities a bit)
Yeah, one of the first things I thought was that he probably just doesn't believe that there's only one person in this whole world who is destined for him. What's wrong with not believing that? If it were true, that'd be awful, because I assume only a few very lucky people would actually meet that person. Better to think that you love the person you're with and can spend a lifetime with them, even if they might not be The Only person you are compatible with and could fall in love with.
You mean he might not agree with spending half a years salary on a commonplace rock that's value only exists in peoples perceptions? Oh the horror. He might not even agree to buying you one twice the size 10 years later. Better dump him fast. Or you could grow up, stop dreaming of princes, castles and jewels and actually have an adult life.
My father never gave my mother an engagement ring. They've been happily married for thirty years. There are bigger things to worry about in a marriage.
this research completely throws out the 6 degrees of separation theory lol some people just dont believe in "the one" but it doesnt necessarily mean they don't love you. how many best friends do you have? for me, i have a few awesome chicks in my life that i could not say i love one more over the other, but that doesn't mean i dont cherish them all in their own ways, to me they are all my soulmates. i was once the idealist romanticist myself, and believed in "the one", now i think i believe in "the one" that meets my needs emotionally, spiritually, physically, at this point in my life. sherns comment is so true, all he needs is to believe in your own relationship, which, it sounds like he does. not many guys will openly admit they want to marry someone...unless they actually do. he may not believe in princes and white horses, but he believes that you are "the one" he wants to marry. i think women sometimes place too many romantic notions on issues that affect the rest of our lives, and i have been just as guilty and learned from those experiences.
marriage is actually a pretty pragmatic situation when you get right down to it. the longer you are in it, the less romantic it gets, and that's just a fact of life. going into it with your head in the clouds is going to decrease your chances of success. you need someone that can realistically face the harsh realities of life with you. whether you are living in a castle with a big rock on your hand and jewels in your hair, or in a tiki hut with a piece of straw wrapped around your finger and a bowl on your head for the water hole, you want someone that is going to be there no matter what. once you get past the honeymoon, marriage is about bills, mortgages, children, tuition, medical issues, career changes, job loss, juggling schedules, in laws, victories, tragedies, all of it and more. having someone thats on the pragmatic side of things to get through all of that with you isn't such a bad thing.
If anything someone believing in "the one" would be more of a deal breaker than someone not believing in it. How can you possibly live up to that, knowing that if there's any relationship problems, you can just say "oh well, he wasn't the one."
Everyone wants to believe that they are with "the one" they are meant to be with and live happily ever after. But what happens when life happens and there is a break up, divorce, death, etc. For anyone that knows they truly loved someone and the fairytale was not their story, somehow you have to go on thinking there is more than one person out there for you... because for most us that's the truth.
Oh, so true!
If I Didn't have You by Tim Minchin. Check it out on youtube.
The way I see it, recognizing that you and the person you're with are not together because of fate and destiny, but rather because of choices you've made makes it a lot easier to understand that relationships take work. Marriages aren't successful just because two people are magically supposed to be together, they're successful when the two people involved work hard to maintain a relationship. You can be happy and compatible and totally in love without fate having to be involved at all (which is actually a pretty nice thought).