my boyfriend told me he had sex with a gay friend of his in the past, that it happened a few times but he was always drunk, didn't like it, afterwards felt disgusted & would run to shower (he was always the "top" in case you're wondering) i appreciate his honesty he promises me he's not gay, but i still feel uncomfortable.
Mystery Man answered this question on
April 12, 2010 5:10 PM
Your boyfriend is gay or at the least bi-sexual. Any other possibility is an impossibility. The fact that he only felt disgusted afterward, should be a pretty good tip-off. If you don't mind having a gay boyfriend, carry on with your relationship.
Honey, child, baby... He's gay.... And I'm sorry, but you should not entertain the idea that he's bisexual... He likes to have sex with men...
I have a close friend who recently found out her boyfriend of 5 years is gay... Now we all knew he was gay ( I brought this up numerous times, I'm not about to just stand by and let shit like that go down ) ... She apparently didn't care... Fast forward to now, he left her to be with his gay lover . She is dealing with SEVERE depression, she gained a shit load of weight... Cries every day.... I'm not saying this will happen to everyone... But its hard to just stand by and watch your friend fall apart..For your sake end this.
Thank your stars he told you this....At least he was honest...
1) Get tested. First and foremost.
2) This is rather tragic. I think he's gay. But still in the closet? He might be disgusted and all the rest due to his upbringing/what he was taught about homosexuality/how society has stigmatized, demoralized, and discriminated against homosexuals. He might be going through something pretty profound and you being his "girlfriend" is probably not the best thing for him (or you, for the matter). If anything, it might be clouding his thinking or at least getting in the way of him getting to know who *he* really is.
3) Sorry, and this really sucks donkey poop, but I seriously think you should move on. Even being his friend might be equally detrimental..unless you both can move past this enough to be friends.
You get paid to write three lines of answer?
It was actually 4. And is there anything else to say?
in his defense , its pretty freaking obvious what she needs to do
This is a very simple answer, you do not accidentally sleep with other men multiple times unless you are gay, or at the very least bi-sexual. Those are the only possibilities exactly as mystery man said. Why waste screenspace saying anything to the contrary.
I think you guys are forgettting the fact that they pick the questions out of a list of submissions. With something this obvious, and clearly a short answer, you'd just pick a different question, one you could write something more about. I'm sorry, I love the other guyspeak guys but these answers are always so short and obvious. Why waste screnspace answering this question at all, if that's all the attention you're going to give it? :/
And Mary, not to be picky (but you started the pickiness!) it was three lines of answer. It was also four sentences.
Regarding the question though, I think its a good topic to address. So many women are victims of men on the down low. I think his answer was on point for the most part. I also think most women (and guys) who read this site can impart some advice of their own. Therefore, I don't think his lack of detail really mattered in this case.
And that would be true if it weren't always the same with this writer. Check it out. Always short answers, usually obvious questions. You don't really get anything from the answers.
And yes, there are other possibilities, if you don't confine your mind to a simple spectrum of sexuality.
Actually it is 3 lines. It's 4 sentences.
To phrase it in a less deletable way, why not pick a question that has more to respond to than these short answers? It's kind of disappointing after the other guys. Not saying I don't like the style, just that it's not really worth reading like this.
Meanwhile, the Wise Ass just left a two line answer. ;)
Your man is gay, honey. Pack your suitcase and move on.
Denial is not only a river in Egypt...
Sounds like Kali has a serious crush on the Mystery Man. She appears to be stalking me.
Well, can you blame her? (For the crush, not the stalking. Stalking is bad, people.)
Oh, please. I, like many who come to this site, don't even usually bother reading your answers any more. Check your traffic.
Oy vey! Sheez, hate on the poor guy at all? (That's both MM and the boyfriend.)
I think MM is pretty much right on. The guy is either bi or did some crazy experimenting because he was DRUNK. She didn't say: "My boyfriend never has sex with me..." or "My boyfriend is really awkward in bed..."
Therefore, this is something she needs to take a look into. Can she handle dating a potentially bi guy? Yes, get tested, clearly he was involved in some risky behaviour, etc, but just because of this doesn't mean she's headed for heartbreak hotel. She needs to sit down and find out exactly what her beau is feeling. Clearly, he felt comfortable enough to admit something he is embarrassed about. This means he really trusts her. He's trying to be honest.
If she can handle it, there is nothing wrong with her still pursuing it. Bisexual people deserve happiness, too!
For the first time in a while, I agree with MM. I've never known a single person who identified as bisexual who didn't eventually swing exclusively one way or another. There are people out there who experiment and decide they're straight, others decide they're gay.
But the asker's boyfriend sounds like a closet case to me.
That's what we call anecdotal evidence. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anecdotal_evidence)
I can say the exact opposite. I've known people who have been bi for years. Even some who found lifelong partners that still are bi. The studies show that there are varying degrees of bisexuality. Just because they generally prefer a manstick doesn't mean they don't like the boobies, too or vice versa.
Yes, he may be a "closet case", clearly he's embarrassed by the whole thing, but that doesn't mean he's a closet exclusively homosexual. Even just the fact that he's being honest and trying to stay in this relationship could mean he's got some liking for girl parts. (Granted it could also mean he's trying to prove he's not gay, but once again, she's not complaining about his lack of attention, she's complaining about her squeamishness.)
Then that rests on her. If she's comfortable with him being bisexual , then thats awesome and I applaud her for her open mindedness. However, I think she's uncomfortable, and thats perfectly understandable. When you date someone, you want to know who they are.
Dating is hard enough ..Can you imagine having that one sprung up on you... I mean, my god iI have to deal with other females, can you imagine throwing guys into the mix? lol that would make my head spin..
I think its kind of unfair to say that men can't be bi..Meanwhile we see women who do it all the time... It is a double standard.. Me personally I couldn't deal with it.. I suppose I just haven't reached that level of openness..
Well, it's just been my personal experience, plus what my gay and lesbian friends have told me. I don't believe that there aren't any bisexual people, I just believe that many of them swing one way or another eventually.
hmm...i must be one of few who appreciates MM's answers. I find them short and direct without the lame attempts at jokes. Even when he doesnt know the answer but finds the questions hilarious, he shares and let us have a stab. What else can you want? BTW, if this person wants to stay with her obviously bi or gay bf, she better be prepared to take it up the back door since he is always on top. Just sayin...
This is so true. People who submit their questions to MM know EXACTLY what they're getting. If they wanted someone to coddle them, they'd go to Cary or Nick. I always feel like people are too hard on him, sometimes people need a kick in the pants. MM delivers it perfectly.
i mean....couldnt there be a CHANCE that hes NOT gay?? I mean....just doing the act doesn't necessarily make you gay!!! Thats just narrow minded thinking. Plenty of gay men have sex with women, and that doesn't make them straight!!! Maybe he was just curious...
Then what we call bisexual. Straight or gay people feel no need or want whatsoever to have sex with anyone outside of the sex that they like.
If you want both, even to experiment with, then you're bisexual. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to perform. People just hate the word because it implies indecision.
I prefer to think of bisexuality as being able to fall in love with or be attracted to a person, regardless of their sex/gender. More of us are like that than you'd think.
First of all, he may not necessarily be gay or bisexual. Have any of you studied human sexuality? I doubt it. If a woman says she's had sex with another woman people don't automatically jump to the conclusion that she's a lesbian or bisexual.
Now, after addressing that let me move on the the next thing. To the woman that said 'get tested," my answer is why? Because he's had sex with a man? She should get tested at regular intervals regardless of her partner's sexual history. Condoms should be used always, even in committed relationships unless you're willing to take the risk that your partner may be unfaithful and you end up with something awful.
Now for her question. He may have just been experimenting. How do you know you don't like ice cream without eating it? He could have been horny and just wanted a release. Really, it's 2010, two men having sex, whatever orientation, isn't a big deal.
If you start finding gay porn on his computer, see flirty texts from males on his phone, etc, then you should worry. For now, trust your man. Relationships need trust to survive.
Mystery Man, I feel you handled this question very poorly.
he could very easily be bisexual, not gay, and telling her to get tested just because he had sex with a guy is unfair. she should get tested, but because everyone who has sex should be periodically tested. If he had slept with other women, she should still get tested. Also, she is so disturbed by the idea of him having sex with guys that maybe better advice would be to tell her to educate herself a little about what that actually means. its not necessarily a bad thing, or any weirder than him having sex with girls. They both clearly need to get more comfortable with homosexuality in general if this is gonna work out well.
My boyfriend of 9 months who i am pregnant by has slept with a lot of girls but he also told me that one night a year or two aho he slept with one of his friends and they were both extremely drunk! He says he doesnt remember a thing. He also claims he is not gsy and cried to me how he doesnt want to lose me amd it was a one off biggest mistake of his life. Him nd his friend ate still friends as though nothing has happened . He wanted to tell me and insists he seriously does not fancy men. He is the least guy i would expect to be gay too. Im stuck in a similar situation i have to take his word that he says he would tell me if he did like men but he doesnt. Could this b a stupid drunk regrettable mess around or something else. Oh and i find hot babes porn on his computer not gay!