What??? What???? No. Telling you about other women he fantasizes about is not normal. That is flat-out messed up. Porn, whatever. He's going to watch porn. We've covered that topic on numerous occasions. Watch it with him. If it bothers you, let him know. But telling you that he fantasizes about other women, and specifically ones that he sees on a regular basis, is really awful and a dump-able offense.
Why are you even with this guy? Is going to cheat? Probably. He seems to have zero respect for you as it is, so cheating seems in the realm of possibility. I cannot fathom why he would treat you this way. Is he trying to make you jealous? Does he think the thought of him getting turned on by other women will make you a seething ball of sexual dynamite? Or maybe he's just a straight up sociopath douchenozzle.
Get rid of this guy. This is not normal behavior. This is the behavior of a guy who will chisel away at your confidence until you are a shell of your former self. You'll think there's something wrong with you, when of course there isn't. He'll cheat on you, and feel no remorse. He's breaking rule number one of the good boyfriend code: Make your girl feel like she's a freakin' superstar. When she's in the room, every other woman is invisible. Look, he's human. He's going to occasionally admire another woman's beauty. (Or at least her butt.) BUT HE'LL KEEP IT TO HIS FREAKIN' SELF. At the worst, he'll punch his buddy on the shoulder, thereby directing the buddy's attention to said female's posterior. But he won't do it in front of you. And he certainly won't tell you about how he thinks about female friends and random women on the street. This guy is just the worst. You deserve better than this. Start fresh this year and dump him like the trash he is.
Why are you even with this guy? Is going to cheat? Probably. He seems to have zero respect for you as it is, so cheating seems in the realm of possibility. I cannot fathom why he would treat you this way. Is he trying to make you jealous? Does he think the thought of him getting turned on by other women will make you a seething ball of sexual dynamite? Or maybe he's just a straight up sociopath douchenozzle.
Get rid of this guy. This is not normal behavior. This is the behavior of a guy who will chisel away at your confidence until you are a shell of your former self. You'll think there's something wrong with you, when of course there isn't. He'll cheat on you, and feel no remorse. He's breaking rule number one of the good boyfriend code: Make your girl feel like she's a freakin' superstar. When she's in the room, every other woman is invisible. Look, he's human. He's going to occasionally admire another woman's beauty. (Or at least her butt.) BUT HE'LL KEEP IT TO HIS FREAKIN' SELF. At the worst, he'll punch his buddy on the shoulder, thereby directing the buddy's attention to said female's posterior. But he won't do it in front of you. And he certainly won't tell you about how he thinks about female friends and random women on the street. This guy is just the worst. You deserve better than this. Start fresh this year and dump him like the trash he is.
Agree.
Agreed!
Absoeffenlutely!
so are you saying that it's only creepy/disrespectful that he's actually TELLING the girlfriend about jerking off to other women he knows, or the fact that he does in fact get off while thinking of these other girls?
your response suggests it's only mean of him to TELL her about this, not that it's douchey of him to do it in the first place. i'm just curious.
Yes, it's disrespectful and dishonest to fantasize about other women. If he's unhappy and thinking about other women, he should break-up with her. But it is beyond awful to tell her about the other women he's fantasizing about. That is waaaay worse.
Liz, this is how men are. It's biologically hardwired into their brains. Most of them watch porn because what this guy is doing is what they would all do if they didn't have that kind of outlet (not all, but most).
But most guys keep this to themselves to preserve the feelings of those who they are with. Him telling her this is not only rude it borders on masochism. Like he wants her to be in pain. Most women who prefer monogamous relationships (and men too) do not want to hear about fantasies about other people (except maybe celebrities that they wouldn't have a chance with in real life, mine is Hugh Jackman).
Also, if he is having these kinds of fantasies about women he does know and has contact with he just might act on those feelings. So Nick is right in this. This guy is bad news. And I identify as Polyamourus to boot. Even in our community this is a no no.
thanks for the response. i just don't understand why, if it's accepted that people DO fantasize about peers, there's need to cover it up. seems like it's just sweeping it under the rug if we know it goes on but won't let it be mentioned.
I feel like there's a huge overreaction to this. Telling her was wrong, but he may have just been trying to be honest. Everybody appears to have leapt to conclusions that he's a horrible person, when all we have is this one piece of information, not even his motivation. I agree that he shouldn't have told her, if this is how he feels, but just because he thinks about other girls does NOT mean he would cheat. I have lots of friends that think about other people but would NEVER cheat, and one has told his girlfriend. He was just trying to be honest, because he didnt want to feel like he was hiding anything. So maybe he is a huge asshole, and maybe hes trying to be honest, hell, maybe hes just kinda dumb. But you shouldn't leap to conclusions, either way.
Thinking about other women isn't really the issue. He's going to think about other women occasionally. But there's a difference between noticing an attractive woman on the street or in his class and then telling his girlfriend that he jerks off to them. That's pretty messed up. Particularly since he sees the women in his class on a regular basis.
Also, it doesn't sound like a one-time thing. Not just like "He admitted he fantasizes about a certain porn star" or whatever. It sounds like he told her about the many other (real) women he wants to have sex with. And I'm saying that's not normal behavior. That's douchebag behavior.
I agree with you Nick. I think it's disgusting and the guy doesn't deserve the woman he has. If a man is with a woman she should be enough for him or he should do her a favor and leave her so she can find someone who will respect her.
The problem is that he told her. Nothing more. There is nothing abnormal about his porn-watching, fantasies about co-workers, etc., but he shouldn't have given this information to his girlfriend. We are judged by our actions, not our thoughts, there is no room in this world for thought police. So, while I don't think we should assume that he is a bad guy, he was unwise in sharing this with her. We can judge him for those actions.
If I had to guess, I would say that he's a young guy trying to be open and honest with his girlfriend. Sometimes couples make the mistake of thinking that there should never be anything kept secret. This is a mistake. Thoughts are thoughts. A minority of couples can share everything and be okay, yes. But more often than not, those are the types that experiment sexually beyond what most would consider normal (ex. orgies). Not everybody of course, but you understand my meaning. Hey, and to each their own - but those aren't the majority of people. As long as he loves his girlfriend and is attracted to her, we should not assume that he will ever cheat based on what we've read here. He just wasn't using his head.
Sorry, but I disagree. He's a guy: he's going to fantasize about other women. Women he sees in class are going to get the most work-out due to being around all the time and the other source of entertainment in the room doesn't stand a chance. I have mentally violated no less than 5 guys in my varying classes.
I know from experience that the question box is only so big - maybe she left out a detail that could clear his name. Did she ask? I've been known to do it myself. "Honey, do you ever think about other women?" Open, honest, naive, horny men will answer as is appropriate to their nature. I know: I date Scorpios.
If he just laid it out on the line, unprompted, he is either fishing (ie: we need to work on bedroom athletics, b/c we are boring lately) or a jerk and everyone else is right about him. I just hate thinking anyone is a jerk right off the bat.
My boyfriend thinks about his childhood love.. who lives next door and works with him. It kills me. I totally agree with Nick.