It's good to want things.
That's what I tell my 11-year-old daughter when she says she wants an iPad for Christmas or a lock on her bedroom door or a convertible when she's 16. I think you should tell your boyfriend the same thing. It's a slightly less confrontational way of saying, "Tough titties, Paco.
Your guy certainly has a lot of opinions about your life, particularly for someone you've only dated a short time. The real question is, do you want to quit Instagram? It's unfortunate that your social networking makes him uncomfortable, but that's more his problem than your problem. If you like Instagram, Facebook and the like, if these activities give you pleasure, then I don't think it's fair of him to ask you to stop because it makes him uncomfortable. If he doesn't like Instagram, he doesn't have to use it. If your posts make him uneasy, he should stop reading them.
Now, if he objects to you talking about him or posting pictures of him on social networks, that's his right and you should honor that. You can offer to leave him out of your posts. I believe that is a fair compromise. I don't think you should give up something you enjoy and that isn't hurting him just because he doesn't like it. He's your boyfriend, not your dad.
One more thing: I understand that you want to keep things peaceful in your relationship, but if you agree to this, what will he demand of you next? It's a slippery slope. For a short-term relationship like yours, I think it's much more in your self-interest to stand your ground and do what you want. If he bails because he can't control you, you are better off, anyway.
Thanks for the question.
I agree with Cary, this is slippery slope. First it's Instagram, then you can't go on FB, then you can't talk to friends/family, then you can't see anybody else. This is a Red Flag. If you're just posting regular stuff on Instagram, he should have no problem with you using it. He may not like it, but it's harmless to your relationship. Stay on Instagram and if he leaves, good riddance. This is not the kind of man you want in your life.
Also don't fall for the if you care about my feelings, you would delete your account. Instagram is not real life. If you aren't doing anything inappropriate, this is really his issue. Stand your ground.
He's a dangerous control freak. It's Instagram today, no male friends tomorrow, and next week you'll not be allowed to leave the house. Leave him before you get caught up in the cicle of abuse.
Maybe he just needs to adjust to what it's reasonable to expect in a relationship, since it's early days yet! It sounds like it comes from immaturity.
My boything used to be a bit like that with my visiting a forum he thought was beneath me (he kinda had a point, some of the people on there were horrible). He never told me not to but it caused a bit of friction knowing he had this opinion on what I should be doing with my time. Eventually we had this big conversation about why I went there and why he didn't like it, where the boundaries were for him inflicting his opinions on me and basically put the dispute to rest. I appreciated that he couldn't help disliking it and he accepted it wasn't his place or necessary to keep on about it at me.
So from my experiences with this I think it's really important to sort this out with your bloke so it doesn't become a recurring issue! You need to reach a place where you both feel comfortable and neither feel unjustly compromised! Good luck :)
This issue comes from his insecurity. Or he hasn't had a relationship before and actually doesn't understand what he can, and can't ask of the person he is dating. Let him know that you are your own person and that you will continue to be on instagram, your email, any social network you want, because you like it and its ok for you to be doing. Let him know that you will not be using any social media to post inappropriate photos, or very personal information about you, him or your relationship. Let him know he needs to be satisfied with that and move forward. If he still has a problem with it and lets the issue keep coming up, like making a weird face when he knows your posting something, or picking a fight when you wanna take a picture of something for instagram than you need to dump him and move on. That shows he is not ready for an adult relationship and will continue to cause drama over non issues.
Btw you shouldn't give up anything to save the relationship unless its one of the following and even then its a compromise:
Drinking to excess/drugs
Hanging out or talking with an ex
being lazy or unmotivated
Insecurity about what?
insecurity about himself. When someone has low self esteem they get all worried that their partner might cheat, or leave them, so they do things like try and tell the other person to stop doing things they think might make it easier for them to cheat and or leave. its usually never rational. If this guy was confident in himself and or in his girlfriends feelings for him he wouldn't be pulling crap like this over little old instagram photos.
Ok just a thought... I know I might be taking a different approach here but maybe the OP is posting pics and info which include him and he isn't comfortable sharing. Maybe she has endless hashtags like #Cutegirl #boyfriend #party #hangover #bong #hightimes #torncondom #planb #auntflohurryup... and they embarrass him? Perhaps she Instagrams a pic of his lunch before he eats it and then again when they go to Starbucks. Perhaps he gets unwanted feedback from her Instagrams. Perhaps there is more to it than him being a controlling boyfriend.
Maybe. But her bf reminds me scarily of my cousin's violent ex. Back when AOL was the thing, he would insist (well demand actually) she not use it, then told her she couldn't get a cell phone. When cousin went ahead and did both, kept staying on AOL and got herself a cellphone, he became violent to her.
At least she was smart enough to leave and he just now got out of prison.
oh, great, I am a mountain now!
LOL Mt. X!!!
I've always had my qualms about social networking, and understand to a great degree why guys (well, most of them that I know) do not like the idea of their gfs posting every moment of their life in FB, Twitter, Instagram, etc. My take on this is stay with Instagram but respect his privacy. If he doesn't want you posting his photos respect that.
And hey, girls nowadays are guilty of posting too much about their relationships online and everywhere and they haven't even marked the 6th monthsary yet. That's scary! A whole lot scary to a lot of men.
Men being squimish about these online social networking stuff is not controlling behavior. It's just being honest about what they don't like. If you want to be respected by someone you love, you need to learn how to respect that person too.
Key words: compromise, communicate.
I extremely disagree with all the comments saying he's a control freak, dump him. The op seems to want to do what she can to keep this relationship. And in the question I don't get the sense that he told her flat out to stop completely or delete her account. That was her suggestion. Maybe I'm wrong in my assumptions but it sounds to me that if she were to just reduce the amount of posts, particularly pertaining to him, that they could come to some sort of happy compromise. He is not over controlling, just a little conscious of how much he is announcing about his personal life to the entire world to see. I think that's understandable and if your are open with each other, you can come up with a compromise.
Okay, just re read the op and he did say to stop. I still think a compromise can be found. If he also values the relationship he should be able to hear your side, and he okay with your social networking when it doesn't hurt him.
Ok what about a guy who posts random stuff on Instagram and has a whole bunch of female "friends" commenting, liking pics of him, etc.
Would that raise a red flag in the early stages of dating?
At what point would a gf have a right to ask him to stop?
P.S. is it social networking or just plain vanity, ego-stroking, attention-seeking? and the guy is 27
What kind of pics? The one with him topless in front of a mirror and flexing? If so, hah. I'd drop the guy. It's even one of the no-no's in profile pictures not just on social networking sites but also on dating sites. ("Gosh, really! Do you have anything else to show me other than those muscles?")
But well, if you could leave with that, hats off to you. Personally, I've never really dated/liked anyone who posts random stuff on Instagram with a string of female followers oggling at him (and I've dated an actor here in Hollywood).
How long into the relationship have you two been?
Jesus Christ please all females read the comments above.... Ya with me now? Did ya read em? Ok you have all lost your rights to call guys the crazy ones from her on out if you agree with those commenters. God damn your girls are sick!
I think that ur boyfriend is to over protective
Instagram isn't real life!!!! And if he really loved
U than he would trust u!!!!! If u don't want to
Delete instagram than don't and if he keeps
On telling u to and u don't want to than tell
Him to get his butt out the door...
Hmm, I think he has a point. It is not a matter of insecurity in some cases, but a matter of attention. He probably wants more attention from you. If you are at home and you should be engaging your partner in communication of some kind, but you are rather on some social network , you are gradually drifting apart there losing your partner at the same time losing yourself on the www.. And maybe that is what he does not want to happen. One of the mean reasons relationship breakup nowadays is because of lack of communication. We are too much online to see what really matters to us. You can take the advise of so many people have given you about how insecure or immature he is or you can find a way to talk to your partner and get closer to him and find out why he does not like the social network so much. Have you even asked yourself that are you scared to quite the social network. What will you do or how will you spend those little times you have if you are not online. What is really important to you, your boyfriend that loves you or social network people across the world that you may never meet in your life . Well, what do I know, I am just saying my own. I could be talking rubbish, but hey think about it.
Hmm, I think he has a point. It is not a matter of insecurity in some cases, but a matter of attention. He probably wants more attention from you. If you are at home and you should be engaging your partner in communication of some kind, but you are rather on some social network , you are gradually drifting apart there losing your partner at the same time losing yourself on the www.. And maybe that is what he does not want to happen. One of the mean reasons relationship breakup nowadays is because of lack of communication. We are too much online to see what really matters to us. You can take the advise of so many people have given you about how insecure or immature he is or you can find a way to talk to your partner and get closer to him and find out why he does not like the social network so much. Have you even asked yourself that are you scared to quite the social network. What will you do or how will you spend those little times you have if you are not online. What is really important to you, your boyfriend that loves you or social network people across the world that you may never meet in your life . Well, what do I know, I am just saying my own. I could be talking rubbish, but hey think about it.