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My boyfriend was supposed to move in w me after a long trip -- I already have a roomie who's a friend. I was getting a feeling that it might not be the best idea to mix them, told him he should think of another place to live when he's back. We have a great, solid relationship -- do you think this makes him care less?

What, that you backed off from taking the next step in a relationship and screwed him out of a place to live? Yeah, I can see that causing problems.

He may have taken it well, but people don't find new digs at the drop of a hat, and now he's got to apartment hunt while he's on his trip. That's difficult at best. I also hope you explained to him why, precisely, it wasn't going to work out right now and why you didn't see if maybe your roommate wanted to move out instead, or maybe you found an apartment for both of you. It may have sounded to him like you're putting your roomie ahead of your boyfriend.

If a woman did this to me, I'd be asking myself if she just sent a signal she doesn't want me around. If you want to keep this relationship, I'd start talking to your boyfriend pronto.

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7 Comments

Teakany

yup I'd be pissed off in his position.

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She should ask herself how she would feel if he did the same thing to her. There's her answer.

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I guess I couldn't really put the whole situation down with the limited space. My landlords recently saw that his mail was already being forwarded to my apartment (which is tiny, by the way), and freaked out since it would technically be breaking the lease to have a third person move in. (They are terrible, evil people in general -- very unreasonable and greedy.)

We agreed that him moving in would be a trial anyway, and that if it felt cramped or I was ignoring my friend/roomie because of him, he would find somewhere else to live. As of now, it stands that he will stay with us as long as he needs to, and he has a close friend who he can find a place with when he can...

I think I made it sound harsher and more unfair than it really is. Still, I feel bad, although he has reassured me many times that it's not a big deal. If him staying with us is great and we're all happy, he'll stay anyway.

user-pic

Ah, that clarifies it a lot. I can understand more why the deal was pulled at the last minute, with small space and possible legal issues.

Hey, if your BF is willing to look past it, take him at his word.

Tariana

Ahh, the 320-character limit attacks the asker again. LOL

I'm glad you had it settled though. :)

user-pic

Yeah, the stupid word limit a) makes one's writing less clear/good and b) can sometimes mess with the intended point. He's a super easygoing guy and understood that this just isn't the right apartment for three people. He'll have my support and as much help as he needs securing a new place, I just felt I should tell him NOW rather than a month after he's back and thinks that his new digs are totally permanent -- even if it's a precarious sitch, at best.

Thanks for the advice!!

Dan Seitz

Glad to hear that the situation was better than it seemed. Good luck!

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