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My boyfriend's been leading some of our conversations towards my proposal preferences (public or private, romantic or fun) for a few weeks. How the hell do I stay calm about this and not ruin the surprise (if there is one)?

Man, you "surprise people." I'll never understand liking surprises; I'm a man who would gladly read a book that laid out everything I'm going to do from now until I inevitably reach immortality and become king of the energy beings (spoiler alert!).

My wife is a surprise person. In point of fact, my first attempt to propose to her (at the end of a play I produced and acted in, in front of our classmates and friends and all that good stuff) had to be totally abandoned because she figured it out and "ruined the surprise."

Naturally, I got her back by proposing at Chuck E. Cheese with no one to witness it but a surly teen in a rat costume.

So please know that if he is planning on proposing, he's probably trying his damnedest not to leak the information. It's not his fault he fails at relationship espionage; they don't teach that part in The Game.

In fact, he may just be feeling out your preferences, with the idea of using them if and when he EVENTUALLY proposes, many years from now. See? Didn't I just kill the excitement a little bit?

Hell, maybe he's pumping you for information because he's going to propose to his mistress! How's THAT for casting doubts on the whole situation? Take a deep breath, remain calm, and remember that life is a flowing river, a continuing journey where whatever happens happens, and you should just enjoy the passing scenery.

Whatever you do, try not to get too upset if he fails to fulfill your imagined expectations. Whether you get engaged tomorrow or next year, it sounds like he likes you a whole lot and there's nothing worse than two nice people getting upset because of something they thought the other one was thinking.

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4 Comments

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hahaha. I love this part the most : "when he EVENTUALLY proposes, many years from now. See? Didn't I just kill the excitement a little bit?

Hell, maybe he's pumping you for information because he's going to propose to his mistress! "

I'm very serious person and it's a pain waiting for my guy to do something when I want it, the way I want it... and man... you got me thinking.

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In case you were wondering, he did end up having a ring, but he changed his mind. He left about an hour ago.

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yeah it's tough wating. the suspense is killer.
I have a friend whose boyfriend planned to propose on V-day but she found out he was going to propose then and he found out that she knew so he told her he was going to propose to her at some point within the next 3 months but she won't know when, she's a control freak so this is driving her nuts.

and her pending engagement made me think about my relationship with my own boyfriend who frequently talks about "someday when we're married..." and "someday a long time from now our children..." and it kind of drives me nuts too, because we don't have a timeline, just that he'd like to marry me someday.

the word "someday" is enough to drive any woman nuts.

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At least you got a someday... mine went from wanting to marry me to trying to dump me because his friends and cousin keep pressuring him about when. I do not put any pressure on him at all and I am the one being punished...

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