You know how on TV you'll hear the sound of a car slamming on brakes and crashing into a wall whenever someone says something horribly wrong? That's the sound I heard when I read your question.
Going out with your brother's best friend is a bad idea on so many levels, I don't even know where to start. No wonder he's pissed; I would be too if you were my sister. Then I'd tell Mom and Dad, and boy, would you be in big trouble -- which is what you get for stealing all my weed.
Of course you're excited. It's nice to be liked and asked out, especially by someone you already know and enjoy. But trust me, this isn't the guy you want to date.
For starters, the friend -- whom I'll call Larry for simplicity's sake -- is breaking one of those unwritten rules of guydom: you don't hit on your friends' sisters. Larry should know better, and the fact that he even asked you makes me wonder about his loyalty to your brother Steve (or whatever his name is).
I'm not saying it couldn't work, but the odds are against it. Dating is complicated already, and dating your brother's friend complicates not just one relationship -- yours and Larry's -- but also your relationship with Steve. There's an old saying about not pooing where you eat, and I'm pretty sure it applies here, even though dating and pooing aren't really things you want to link in your mind, unless you're some kind of weirdo.
Let's say Larry comes to your house for a visit. Is he there to see you or Steve? Either way, someone's gonna be left out, planting the first seeds of resentment. What happens when you and Larry have a fight? You'll want to bitch about Larry, but you can't do so to Steve, because that's his best friend. Larry can't talk about the fight with Steve, either, because Steve might clobber him for dogging out his sister. So, just like that, two relationships suffer because communication and honesty are hindered. See the problem here?
What happens when you and Larry break up? You and Steve both lose: you lose a boyfriend, he loses a friend. Your relationship with each other has probably lost something along the way as well.
You might also ask yourself why your brother is pissed that Larry asked you out. Maybe Steve knows something about Larry that you don't. Yes, they're best friends, but every guy knows what a dog all other guys are, especially his friends, and no guy wants to think about his friend doing dog-like things with his sister, if ya know what I mean.
So how do you calm your brother? Tell Larry thanks, but no thanks. It's too close for comfort, too dangerous, too apt to end badly. Find someone else. There's not enough Larry for both of you, and Steve has dibs.
Good luck.
I respectfully disagree. Not that it won't cause problems, but hell, there's got to be a way to go about it that doesn't piss off her brother. Who is he to dictate the romantic entanglements of his friend and sister? Why should they not date just because he'll have a hissy fit? Yes, she's in for some complications, but screw her brother; he sounds like a whiner.
Ordinarily I would agree with that sentiment, Michael, but I've seen this scenario end badly numerous times in real life. It's just too incestuous for my taste. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I suppose, if one is bent that way.
Thanks for the comment.
Both of you have valid points. Being a sister of 3 younger brothers, I can tell you that dating of any friends never happened. They didn't ask, I didn't ask. We kinda just avoided that whole thing for the reasons Cary stated above.
However, I have seen a sister date her brother's best friend and it work. They've been together since she was 16 (he knocked her up) and they're still married (happily), in their 30s with 4 kids. But I think it's rare. And I think what made it work was no one involved was a douchebag. Even though they were all young, the brother stepped back and basically said "no triangulation here. i don't want to hear shit from either one of you." And both the friend and the sister were adults about it. Fortunately it worked out. But I think for that to happen, all people involved need to be respectful, act like adults, and don't use the brother as the middle-man.
So, if the questioner isn't going to date Larry, does that mean that you're free Friday night?
I have to agree with Mr. Swaim on this, only becuase I've also seen it work. Well, not personally, but I've seen the results; my mom had five brothers and three sisters, and two of those sisters married friends of thier brothers' that, as my mom put it, "followed your uncle Brian and uncle Skip home on a regular basis." (personnally, I think they just liked Grammy's cooking, but whatever.) They're now at least in their mid-fourties and still happily married(as far as I can tell) with grown boys (one has two, the other has four) whom I love to hug when I see them even though they'd really rather I didn't. :)
I'm in this situation with my sister right now and I totally agree with Cary, I think its bull**** that my friend wants to date my sister. I'm sorry but i was friends before he even knew I had a sister. And I basically feel like hes ditching me for her. I don't talk to either of them now and don't consider her my sister anymore.
You don't think that's a little extreme? I mean, it sucks, and I understand being angry, but if you care about them that much, wouldn't you forgive them, or try to make the best of it. It seems like a cruel punishment.
It is cruel, trust me that's exactly what my brother did to me. I had been in love with this guy for years before we really dated. We were all good friends, and at some point we both realized that we had feelings for each other, but we decided not to date so that we wouldn't hurt each other. Two almost three years later we're still dancing around this thing between us and decide that we had to try. My brother did exactly what Matthew describes, I'm almost afraid that that is him under a different name cause it sounds just like our situation. It is cruel, and not just a punishment to his sister, but to their entire family. That sort of bitter hatred does more harm than the actual relationship could. And while I am very sorry about the distress that I caused my brother, as I'm sure Matthew's sister is, sometimes you can't not try, even if it ends badly, and it did, but I still don't regret it. And I'm more hurt by the way my brother treated me, than by how the relationship ended.
I don't think its a bad idea either,your brothers friend is human nd he's got feelings...ur brother shouldn't be mad,it could b worse,he should realise dat you could date someone even worse than his friend nd wats he gon do about dat wen it happens?? I believe his getting pissed is bull****.remember that old saying"the devil you know is better than the angel you do not know" I will suggest you give it a try,who knows,he could just b perfect for you..........
I am one of those guys that "should know better" that's right I asked my best friend's sister out and he didn't get pissed off, but she declined because her mom made her....even though she was thinking of saying yes! What I guess I'm trying to say is sometimes you have to be a complete dick to your friend to find happiness and "the one", if he's your best friend he'll understand sooner it later.