This one's tricky--my Devoted Husband side and my "Lighten Up!" side are duking it out to provide a proper answer.
My Devoted Husband side says:
Yes, that is disrespectful to wives. If adultery begins in the mind--and I believe it does--then idle words about cheating are a manifestation of those thoughts. If a guy loves and respects his wife, he won't say anything to suggest he is interested in other women, even in jest. He just doesn't go there, ever.
There can also be sleazier motives. I think a lot of guys make remarks like this to see what kind of reaction they get from women, and to try to detect even a subtle hint that you might be open to having an adulterous relationship with them. Like I said--sleazy.
My "Lighten Up!" side says:
Guys are full of sh*t. We all know this. We talk big and try to impress each other, especially after a few drinks. We say inappropriate things simply because we don't stop to think about what it means or how it sounds. We have no intention of cheating on you--we're just trying to be funny or boastful. Talk is not the same as action. We're just shooting the sh*t.
As long as a guy doesn't say things like this in front of his wife and humiliate her, does it really matter? His words might offend you, but isn't that between him and his wife? Do you intend to confront everyone whose words offend you? You will be a busy gal.
Those are the two sides. Me, I favor being respectful. I think jokes about cheating are tacky and unnecessary, and why give anyone the impression that you don't love and respect your wife? But I also know that people say stupid things in jest that they don't really mean. You'll have to decide which line of thought is more appropriate in your case.
And, no, not all married men do this. I don't.
Thanks for the question.
"As long as a guy doesn't say things like this in front of his wife and humiliate her, does it really matter?"
I think it does. For one thing, what he says may get back to his wife and even if he is full of shit, I think it would hurt. And it's just plain disrespectful, whether she's present and knows about it or not. What's to say he treats her any better when he's with her if that's how he treats her when she isn't present? The guy sounds like an asshole, whether or not he's actually cheating on her. I think that behavior is unacceptable, especially in a "professional" environment. If he has to behave that way, at least don't do it in your place of work, it only makes him look bad as well.
I agree with you. There are other ways for men to talk shit and puff ourselves up without doing so at the expensive of their wife (or GF) and disrespecting the relationship. And I can't think of any work environment - even when I was in the military - where doing so was beneficial to one's career.
If a man truly loves his woman (and visa versa for that matter!), he'll work to elevate them both, not raise himself up by tearing her down.
I've really gotten to the point where I immediately discount anything that comes after any variation on "If you truly love . . ."
I think Cary is right. If he is joking with his male friends, and I stress "joking", I don't think it is that bad, he could just be trying to fit in the group if the other guys are doing it (not that that is a good reason). If he is joking in front of females (including female co-workers) I definately feel there may be sleazy motives at work there. I don't think my husband would do it anyway, he would be afraid of hurting my feelings. just 2 cents worth
I'm not married but have been in some long term relationships where I would even make jokes like that with my girl-friends. "God, if I wasn't dating so and so..." (after seeing a hot guy). I don't have a problem with my man saying stuff like that to his friends but their are rules I go by for it. 1. It must never be said in front of me, that's disrespectful. 2. If he's talking about how another girl is hot (or whatever), he shouldn't harp on it. 3. Never, and I mean NEVER make fun of anything I believe in or act as if I'm stupid... sure the occasional my wife/girlfriend is so clumsy is okay but calling me a ditz is not. Basically it comes down to whether it's lovable joking or being mean and making it look like you mean nothing to him. I'm going out on a limb here and I'm gonna say most men do poke fun of their wives/girlfriends but we poke fun at them too. But not all men say rude, disgusting comments about someone they love