Initially, yes, you're father is right. The majority of men approach women who they find physically attractive. And in that regard, looks are very important to men. And sad to say, weight is a big factor in how most men will look at a woman.
Now of course there are some men out there with a thing for bigger women (we call them chubby chasers). And yes, they pretty much have to find you.
I like women who are more slender with some cusion for the pushin'. Namely, I appreciate a thicker woman. However, overweight? I just can't see myself actively pursuing an overweight woman. Hell, I can't see myself even trying to sleep with an overweight woman just for kicks. It's just not my MO.
However, a lot of that is based just on physical attraction. It is totally possible to meet a guy in some place where the initial focus isn't on the physical but on the mental. The mind is an intricate organ. We'll meet a woman we normally wouldn't be interested in, talk to her and somehow decide that we're attracted to her despite our initial leanings. It happens all the time.
I think where this is going is this: would losing weight help you find a man? Well yes and no. It might increase the number of suitors, but that doesn't necessarily mean any of that will pan out. Now, if you are overweight, losing weight is probably the right way to go anyway, for health reasons, but also, is your weight a source of low-esteem?
Let me tell you, the MOST attractive women out there are those with a healthy sense of self-esteem, no matter how big or small. There is something sexxy about an aware, confident woman who is satisfied with herself and lets the world come to her. Jill Scott, a woman of larger proportions (lol) is one of the sexiest women I can think of because she exudes so much confidence and i'm-alright-ness. If you approach life from that angle, it might work wonders. I'm sure you're a lovely person, so be that person. Be happy with yourself and the men will come. And they'll come for the right reasons and with the right intentions. I know I would. A bright confident smile is noticeable and attractive from across the ocean.
It was written.
Could be totally off in this case, but my clinical skills are suggesting that this woman may have been sexually abused. Sometimes abuse victims subconsciously keep weight on as a defense against further attacks. She seems to be drawn to guys who, like her own father, feel that she is not good enough as she is. She becomes a sexual object, not a love object. I would suggest talking to a counselor and exploring any emotional reasons for her weight. If it's strictly a case of poor dietary choices and lack of exercise, then I absolutely agree that it is in her best interest to make healthier choices and start building her confidence from the inside out.
I was heavy for most of my life, and while I don't recommend it (its totally not healthy, which is why I lost the weight) I never went longer than I wanted to go without a boyfriend. I always felt I was perfectly awesome, and managed to (almost always) find guys that agreed with me. Confidence helps alot. If you wanna lose weight, you definantly should, because you'll feel better about yourself and be healthier. But if you don't do it for yourself it'll be tons harder to lose and keep off. Good luck.
I think your father's bluntness comes from his concern..You know, its not ok to be dangerously overweight. Its not about finding a man, what about yourself? Wheres your self pride? And yes while someone's looks are the first thing you notice, there are plenty of chicks out there that are a 10 in looks but have horrible personalities.
I think it's kind of rude to assume that because she's overweight that she has no self pride. I'm overweight and I take care of myself; I eat right and exercise everyday but the weight doesn't come off. I understand that men don't like women who are overweight, and that's fine. I don't expect to get any positive attention from men because I know I'm overweight and therefore unattractive, but that doesn't mean I'm a lazy slob who has no self respect or pride.
I TOTALLY agree am a full figured BBW and when i get dressed and do hair and make up "I" look better than a lot other women. Just because I'm heavy doesnt mean I have no pride or self respect or self esteem!
"I don't expect to get any positive attention from men because I know I'm overweight and therefore unattractive"
WTF?!?!!
You are not unattractive to men because you are overweight, you are unattractive to men because you have zero confidence.
Wake up girl....you can be beautiful at any size, but you clearly hate yourself and have no self worth. Work on that and maybe your attitude will change and you'll have the chance to meet someone who likes you just the way you are.
I'm a curvy gal and I have no problem attracting men now a days. When I was down on myself because of my weight...nope, no one wanted to date me.
I think it's all dependent on how you carry yourself. Men are attracted to you when you're confident in yourself. My former best friend was a good 30-50 pounds overweight and she had more attractive boyfriends than I could count. She carried herself well.
Also, it's about finding close that flatter, as well as a hairstyle and makeup. If you look good and you feel you look good, it will show.
My weight fluctuates, but I've gotten asked out everywhere from the gas station to a red light while I was driving.
Fake it until you make it.
*clothes rather than close
hmm ..I'm overwieght .. and have never ever had a problem getting and keep ing a man .. I really think it 's how you carry yourself .. not everyman is going to want you .. but hell I have thin freinds who cant find a man either! I'm sorry I know the guru said he does not like bigger gilrs .. but let me tell you soemthing PENTY of men do!!! Be open..smile ..lift your head up .. put on some lip gloss...swing those ample hips girl ....Lose wieght for YOU not a man.. because even if get thin .. you'll still have issues.. love youself no matter whaf size you are .. love you!
Lady B: you are totally off.
Confidence is key, most definitely. And with someone in your life saying "You won't get a man looking like that" I could easily see why your confidence might not be as high as it ought too.
Stand proud, look people in the eye and know that you are great. If you want to lose weight, then do what you think is needed. But if you're happy and healthy, then an attitude adjustment might be all you need.
I am over-weight (currently working on getting healthier) but it never stopped me from finding a boyfriend if I wanted one. Consider the other variables that may be affecting this: Attitude, confidence, the men you are picking, your approach. There is most likely more then one variable in this equation. Some you have control over and some you don't. The onus isn't completely on you but it is within your power to control the variables within your grasp.
Speaking from experience I can tell you that loving yourself is the first step. I am a fabulous woman no matter what my weight, I am healthy and take good care of myself. I wear clothes that show off my good features and make me feel attractive!
Right now I have more than one man interested in dating me and my weight isn't an issue for any of them. I am working on losing a little but it is because I want to - not because someone told me to!!!
The right guy will love you for who you are - the whole package!!!
Wow, that poor girl's dad is harsh! A father should be building up his daughter, not tearing her down. I mean is he heavy in any way...because if so, that's behavior/patterns that he's modeling to her. Women's self-esteem is directly proportional to her relationship with her father. Thankfully she has a father around, but if he's telling her she's pretty much not good enough to get a guy, that just makes her self esteem sink even lower. So the prob here is not even that she could or couldn't stand to lose some weight for self esteem reasons, her self esteem isn't low because she is" heavy" (and that's a relative term here) but it has already been brought down b/c of her dad. That's somewhat verbally abusive.
I know this is a late reply, but anyways. I agree with most of your post, but 'Women's self-esteem is directly proportional to her relationship with her father' is off. I guess it can be true in some/many cases, but you can't just generalize like that. When I was younger I had little to no self-esteem and an okay relationship with my father. I now have a good self-esteem level. My father has become a sometimes verbally abusive alcoholic. We fight on a regular basis and I have not had a regular conversation with him in almost 2 years. It's sad, but it's out of my control, and I have many other extraordinary people in my life. The way I view myself has little to do with the way my messed up father views me.
And concerning the original question.. I agree with the majority of the replies here- confidence is key. Go out with friends, get dressed up, have fun, and the guys will come. Personally, I used to be heavy (well, heavy is relative. I was never technically overweight, but I was heavier than what my body was meant to be, and I viewed myself as enormous), and now that I lost weight guys are more interested in me. However, I used to be heavier because I'd eat emotionally and had no respect for myself or my body. I lost weight once I starting loving and respecting myself. And I firmly believe THAT's what attracts the guys, not my smaller waist.
'Go out with friends, get dressed up, have fun, and the guys will come'
Wow okay, that sounds a bit dirty.
lady b, most of america is over weight and a lot of people arent confident about their body, it doesnt mean that theyve been sexually abused. i mean come onnn. if you want to change, you should only do it because you want to. not because someone said you should. confidence is definately key.
I weigh 260 and its hard to keep men off me. When I was 160, I was being stalked, followed home, bullied by men, molested, and more tried to rape me. So its not always something that is best. Beauty is vain and I havent lost weight because of the horror stories I've been through.
Love who you are and they will love you to. Most of the men I met that were that picky so to speak were a holes. Even when I lost all my weight I wouldnt date men who wouldnt date big women...people are people....and we all need love...
Um...I can't understand why the life of me why her father would actually tell her that she's too fat to be loved. Your parent is supposed to be the one person in your life who you can lean on for literally anything, the go-to for emotional and mental support. She needs to realize that she shouldn't have to change herself for anyone. If she is a little overweight, but it doesn't bother her, then why does she need to change? If her diet is seriously affecting her health, then that's another thing and she can lose the weight if she's anxious about her health. But telling her she won't find love unless she's skinny "like all the other pretty girls" is so f-cking sad and heart breaking.