Well, I'm not a father, but the universal rule of teenagers throughout time is that if you tell them not to do something, they're going to do it. That said, you shouldn't let her date just because her other friends are doing it. If you feel like she's responsible, 13-going-on-14 is a reasonable age to start dating. Granted, she shouldn't be staying out until all hours of the night. So if you set curfews, and know who she's going out with, I think it's okay. Also, encourage her to go out in groups. 13 is usually the age when you go on group dates to the movies or putt-putt or whatever. It's not the age where you need to be alone with your boyfriend in his bedroom for extended periods of time.
Whether or not they want to admit it, teenagers crave structure and rules. Most teenagers are not the wild, sex-crazed, seen-it-all trendsters depicted on MTV's Skins. That's a forty-something male TV writer's version of a teenager. Mostly, teenagers are scared little babies who freak the f--k out about literally everything. They want to feel like they have control over their lives, but they also need--and crave-- guidance.
On the other hand, she's not missing anything if she waits a couple years to start dating. The important thing is whether or not she's ready for dating and peer pressure and all that stuff. It's a cliche to say that kids today are growing up too fast, but, seriously kids today are growing up too fast. New York Magazine's article on how the Internet has turned teenage boys into junior sex-predators-in-training freaked me out. Sure, I was obsessed with sex at age 13. But dating wasn't a part of my life at all. (Being a nerd might have had something to do with that.) The important thing is to show that you trust her to make the right choices. Arm her with the knowledge of the dangers of sex (STDs, pregnancy, etc.), but also show her that you understand that she has now reached the age where dating and boys are a part of her life. If you set boundaries, communicate, and keep an eye on her dating life, she is more likely to make the right decisions instead of rebelling and eventually ending up on Teen Mom 3.
Whether or not they want to admit it, teenagers crave structure and rules. Most teenagers are not the wild, sex-crazed, seen-it-all trendsters depicted on MTV's Skins. That's a forty-something male TV writer's version of a teenager. Mostly, teenagers are scared little babies who freak the f--k out about literally everything. They want to feel like they have control over their lives, but they also need--and crave-- guidance.
On the other hand, she's not missing anything if she waits a couple years to start dating. The important thing is whether or not she's ready for dating and peer pressure and all that stuff. It's a cliche to say that kids today are growing up too fast, but, seriously kids today are growing up too fast. New York Magazine's article on how the Internet has turned teenage boys into junior sex-predators-in-training freaked me out. Sure, I was obsessed with sex at age 13. But dating wasn't a part of my life at all. (Being a nerd might have had something to do with that.) The important thing is to show that you trust her to make the right choices. Arm her with the knowledge of the dangers of sex (STDs, pregnancy, etc.), but also show her that you understand that she has now reached the age where dating and boys are a part of her life. If you set boundaries, communicate, and keep an eye on her dating life, she is more likely to make the right decisions instead of rebelling and eventually ending up on Teen Mom 3.
The most important thing you should do, is talk with your daughter about why she wants to date. Like Nick said if she shouldn't do it just because her friends are dating.
I will say this, my parents set the same rules for me growing up and I still dated anyway. I truly feel that if I'd had a better dialogue with my parents a lot of the crap that I went through during my teenage years could have been avoided. I couldn't tell my parents about my boyfriends, so I couldn't seek their advice and had to rely on the advice of friends. Trust me you do not want your daughter getting dating advice from another 13yo.
Ultimately its your house and your rules, but I really think you should talk to her. You'll be surprised by what she knows and also what she doesn't know. These are very important years for your relationship with her, and how you handle this situation can set the tone for how you both deal with other problems.
Good Luck!!!
I had my first "boyfriend" when I was 14, as in, we did more than send each other notes at school. And we did the group date thing, had curfews, all that fun stuff. He was my first kiss as well. And as I got older, I dated more guys, and there were still curfews, but it all ended up well. A big thing - my mother and I kept an open communication policy on all of it. She knew my friends, and I had to check in often - which I learned to do happily. If I checked in often, then I would be allowed to stay out an extra hour than our original time. My mother had my older brother when she was 16, and although she never stressed on me to not have sex not have sex not have sex, I decided that when it came time, I would be smart about it and always make good decisions. I did lose my virginity when I was 16, but it was to my long-term boyfriend (1 1/2 years) and we were smart and it was because we loved each other as much as high schoolers could, not because we were drunk or under peer pressure. Now I am 21 years old and still without a kid and no STDs and still keep open communication with my mom. And I am now a dance teacher to middle and high schoolers. So while there is no guarantee that your daughter will always stay innocent, you can help her make the right, responsible choices if you always talk about things and keep up with her friends and life. Best of luck and lots of love!
IMO 13 and a half is too young to date, but I grew up with conservative parents and didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 17/almost 18. However, a lot of my friends dated as early as middle school and they confided in me that maybe all the way up until junior year of high school, they feel like they weren't mature enough to have been dating. It's a touchy issue, but if your daughter wants to date now, there's kind-of no stopping it. Make sure she communicates with you often, and that the guy isn't pressuring her to go farther than she wants (which happened to a lot of my friends in middle school).
While the answer was good, this question bothers me. 13 is too young to date. Period. You are not a "young woman" at 13. You are a little girl.
It's your house and you have the right to make rules such as "No dating until you're 16." It's a completely reasonable rule. But your daughter says, "Everyone's doing it," and THAT'S what made you reconsider? Really?? Who cares what everyone else is doing? In fact, if that's the case, it's all the more reason not to.
When I was 13, almost NONE of my peers, male or female, were dating (if you can even call it "dating"). If that's what kids are really doing these days, that genuinely freaks me out.
I'm also really bothered by lack of logic in the "let her do it because she'll do it anyway" argument. Maybe parents should just have no rules whatsoever. Then their kids will never break the rules!
Chic Geek is right, though, about the fact that she will miss literally NOTHING if she doesn't date right now. In fact, doing it will NOT positively impact her social life or graces in any way. Promise. What 13-year-old needs to be figuring out what they want in a (wo)man?
If this mom is really that concerned about whether or not her rules are too strict, then compromise. Maybe lower the required age to 15. But for God's sake, just not 13.
If I were to tell my 13 year old students that they are "little girls", I would be in trouble. No, they are not yet young women, but they are at that age where they are becoming self-aware and they realize that they can make choices outside of what their parents always say. You do not ask a 7 year old where (s)he wants to do every Saturday and let them go, yet you can with a 13 year old.
The "everyone is doing it" is always the wrong answer for pre-teens through teenagers. I think a good parent/teacher needs to help the child grow as an individual who can think for him/herself and make responsible choices. There is no "magic age" when someone becomes mature enough to do certain things. I have a girlfriend who waited until her 21st birthday to ever drink alcohol, and now she is an alcoholic. Just like 16 is not the magic age to make responsible dating choices. It's the child as an individual that should matter I think,
The thing is, the maturity fairy isn't gonna pop out of her closet on her Sweet 16th and make her ready. If you think she's mature and responsible now, then let your and her decisions reflect that. If anything, it will just give her earlier experience, which could be a plus... if I hadn't dated at 13, I would be far less prepared to deal with college guys now, which is like fighting away starving gorillas with a stick. Yikes!
This is coming from a teen who was lucky enough to not have generic age restrictions placed on her. To be honest, and I'm not trying to be rude, but it seems a little condescending to be judged as a number of years instead of my abilities. I mean really, who decided that sixteen is old enough to date? Probably the same idiot who decided that 65 is 'old' and time to retire. Puh-lease! That conflicts with my skydiving schedule...
Good luck, to you and her. :)
"But your daughter says, "Everyone's doing it," and THAT'S what made you reconsider? Really?? Who cares what everyone else is doing? In fact, if that's the case, it's all the more reason not to."
Not like this. Sure you shouldn't do something just because everyone else is doing it, but honestly... Just because "everyone else is doing it", it's not a reason not to do it, either. Going with the flow of other people is sometimes a good thing: it gets you into new kind of social situations that can give you new perspective. We're social creatures and our young ones need to learn how to deal with things.
We're talking about "dating" here. They're kids, it's not like it's a serious thing. They'll probably make out a little and break up after few weeks. Little children play moms and dads and that's perfectly normal too. It's not a big deal and it doesn't mean "omg, they're so going to have sex and make babies and get married right away, because now they're DATING". This is a nice opportunity to start teaching your teenage daughter responsibility and manners by which to survive the coming dramatic years. Also it's a good opportunity to remember your youth and re-teach yourself on things such as how STDs are spread.
Sometimes I feel like I was the only 13 year old who was not into boys.
im 11 and i secretly had a boyfriend but i succed it up and asked my mom wat she would do if i had a boyfriend and she said:That shede b kindav sad cause im growin up but it would b awkward and ok as long i didnt kiss him.And i didnt spend all my time on him and i still hung out with my friends.so i nervously walked off.I couldnt believe it but now i felt more comftorble.Cause i never uasle lie to my mom and i hate lieing
I am a mother of a curious 13 year old daughter. At 13 we believe it is innocent and young and for most it; or so it used to be. We are nieve to think that kids this age are "crushing". There is MUCH more peer pressure going on in middle school now days than there is in high schools. Oral sex has become the new "first kiss" for this generation; sadly. It is on a rapid growth as kids encourage each other through peer pressure. More kids are experimenting with their sexuality or bisexuality because it's "cool"; not because they truly feel they are gay. Bottom line... Get a grip on your kids parents and take control back in your homes! It's the parents' fault that this generation of kids have come to this. Parents want to befriend their kids, don't want to hurt their feelings, scared to punish them, and look where it's going to take them! My daughter will not be dating at 13 and I don't know if she will at 16 either. I will monitor her, know who she hangs out with, teach her, guide her, love her, trust in her and in God. And should she fail to be untrustworthy she will be disciplined, loved, and guided again. I will have more years to be here friend than I will have to be her parent; once my job of raising her and guiding her is done. My reward will be her gratitude when she becomes a mother one day and understands.
am a man i date at age of 22,why are you seeking such advice from people you allow your daughther to date at age of 13,meaning that you started at age of 12,please like mother like daughter if not there is what we call family planing,family planing is not only for husband and wife your children is among,so it's a sin if she do such without getting married,but because of the new generation we are,parmite her to meet a man at age of 18,but try and call her boy friend and warn him about that put fear in him and always cheeck your daughther,because the sweetest thing on earth is sex,but some people dosen't know the advantage and disadvantage