Take a break. A serious break. No getting together for a casual drink that turns into you getting drunk and waking up in his bed. No friendly movie nights where you never get to finish Scott Pilgrim because you’re too busy boning on the couch. Stop calling, emailing, replying to his Tweets, “liking” his Facebook status updates. Do not be in the same space as him– be it physical or virtual– for a while.
See what it feels like to be away from him. Maybe you’ll find that you can actually just be his friend after some time has passed. If you can’t imagine life without him, tell him that you want to get back together for real. Let him know that this casual, “friends with benefits” thing isn’t working for you. He’s messing with your heart, and needs to just be with you or it’s really over. The longer you stay in this cycle of “hang out/bang/get attached/go back to being friends,” the more likely you are to get hurt again.
It’s virtually impossible to go from a serious relationship to a friends with benefits situation. Once the emotional attachment comes in, you’re no longer just a friend. Invariably, someone will still have strong feelings and get hurt in the end. You can scale down the amount of time you spend together, but you can’t scale down emotions. At this point you either have feelings for him, or you don’t. Admit it: you’re willing to accept a “FWB” situation right now because that’s all he’s offering.
Pull yourself out of this rut and see what it feels like to actually be broken up. You haven’t even given the split a chance to take. Don’t bother trying to be friends with him right now. If you want him in your life as a friend in the future, he’ll be there. (His Facebook page will always be there for you to re-add.) Right now you have to remove yourself from this situation if you ever hope to move on. If you don’t, you’ll be his hook-up buddy until he’s ready to get serious with someone else.