Also, if you do tell him and he still gets married, he'll probably avoid you like the plague afterwards.
I personally blame Julia Roberts (My best friend's wedding).

He’s moved on..., go find your own happily ever after.

(Area 51? Cute.)

I say tell him and here's why:

I met and fell in love with a great guy. Without going into details about the relationship, let's just say we broke up over a terrible misunderstanding. I thought he didn't love me and instead of talking about 'feelings' like rational adults -- we acted like teenagers (which we were both WELL past the age of teenagers} and split up. I tried to move on with my life and married someone else. I found out after I was already married (when we finally did speak again) he did love me -- it was a HUGE misunderstanding. It was too late, I was already in a relationship and standing by my committment. The 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' still haunt me to this day, as in 'what if he had told me how he felt before it was too late?' and 'if only I had known in time?' etc....

What's the worst that could happen? You look silly and you move on..... I think it would be far worse to not speak up and let him know where you stand and always wonder 'what if.'

Julia Roberts is overrated like the movie "Titanic".

I agree with MM. I'm still in love with my ex, but circumstances prevented us from ever getting back together. I've since accepted it.

area 51 lolol

I agree with lost, tell him. Don't go all romcom crazy with it, and storm the church or anything. But send him an email explaining how you feel and leave it at that. he replies: great, if not move on and now that you tried and never have to wonder 'what if'.

Well, I guess this one is a matter of which you'd rather have happen: find out that he doesn't love you (obviously) and feel like at least you got to tell him, or find out that he doesn't love you and be extremely humiliated when his bride-to-be gives you a really nasty phone call/email/text about how you need to back off her man. Because that's probably what I would feel compelled to do if my fiance's ex professes her love for him.

Of course, you could always just let it go and focus on finding someone else, but if you feel like you really must tell him, tell him. You won't be happy with the results, but if it'll give you closure (although at the expense of your dignity, perhaps) then do what makes you feel right.

Hahahaha!! I literally laughed out loud when I read this! "Next question please." :)

Adele-> Someone like you

Move on there is more than one love in a life-time, each special in his own way. Wish him the best and tell the inner voice that it's not the end!

Obviously we usually want something when we can't have it no longer, so your chance is gone and the opportunity has passed away. Now leave him alone and be happy for him!

I still love my ex but I chose to ignore him when he was asking for a 2nd chance. But now that he has moved on it doesn't give me the right to ask for him back! I just hope that his new girl loves him more than me.

I say keep your mouth shut about it unless you have a real reason to think he might actually still be in love with you. Otherwise, let it go because something like what Carly described will probably happen.

She wants to go down swinging. She has unfinished business. And not live with regrets. He needs to set her straight giving her the closure she is looking for.

(An ex contacted me when he heard I was getting married and he told me his regrets. It was important to him that I hear him out so I did. And then he wished me well so it was a nice call. Maybe this is what the question asker should do instead.)

I am the OP.
The reason I feel like I should tell him is because it ended very badly, with lack of communication and there are so many unfinished things. I am not looking for a fairy tale ending, and I don't want to mess with his future relationship, because I do want him to be happy. BUT if it was reversed, I would want to know. Also, things ended recently, not years ago. UGH I just don't know what to do, I am so conflicted. I am a girl that states her mind and openly expresses myself, but with this, I have kept my mouth shut. Should I just live life and move on. Email and leave it at that? He just got engaged and the wedding is happening in a year..... so it is not like he wouldn't have time to forget about me again if I contacted him now. BUT hearing the words from MM, obviously he has moved on, I should too????

I say go for it, like you said he's getting married a year from now, so you are not putting him in this crazy state of mind right before the wedding. Also it seems like you don't want to win him back. You just want to let him know how you feel and get the closure you need about the situation. You just wanna speak your mind about how things ended and if you should let him know that when you send the email or call. I wish you and him the best!

Damn,
That was a good answer MM.

OP here.
Thanks for the comments.
This is the story. We broke up recently. It REALLY hurt me, and I just am now feeling mildly normal again. I had been wanting to speak with him before I learned of his engagement, because there is a lot of unfinished business. It totally ended without closure. Two people's feelings got hurt and we both were emotional, that is why I needed some time apart from him. I was shocked to learn he was engaged. Of course I love him, so I want him to be happy above all else, but I truly felt like he was my soul mate and I never had a chance to fight for him. I guess if he wanted me, he would be fighting for ME, but I also think he was hurt and didn't want that to happen again. I could be all wrong, I am only going from the feelings from my side, but I have conflict. One side says leave him be. The other says at least write him and email and tell him how you feel and leave it at that. His wedding is a year away so he would have time to get over the email. I would never spring this on him the day before or anything like that. I just love him so much and I don't think he REALLY knows that. Or maybe he does. That is why I asked the question, i needed a guys opinion. So obviously he has moved on......

"Stop watching stupid romcoms."
^ That sums it up.

And "a lot of unfinished business?" "It totally ended without closure"? It seemed like he moved on but you're still left behind. You're definitely overrationalizing.

I'm usually someone who is all for closure, but you clearly still have too many feelings for him. and he's clearly moved on, or mostly moved on so if you talked to him it's just going to make a dramatic uncomfortable mess.

if you were the girl he was engaged to, and your fiance's ex confessed that she still loved him to him and she starting dumping all this pent up feeling onto him during your exciting engagement period, how would you feel?

personally, I'd be pissed off at her, and jealous of her and it would make me feel sick. I might even be mad at him too, that she would feel so comfortable and confident as to say something, like as if they still had something to rekindle. it would stress me out for sure and put a lot of unnecessary baggage on a point in time that's supposed to be fun and is already stressful as is.

I have to agree with MM, stop being so selfish, it's not fair to him or her to talk to him. imagine how they must feel?

Wow. To the person who posted - go speak to your ex!!! This has nothing to do with the fiancee. It's personal between you and him. If your talking to him changes his mind about marrying her - then they were never meant to be. It's your life after all. Your choice. Don't live with regret.

As someone in the same boat, I did it! I sent the email. I did it when I found out he applied for a marriage license but I couldn't find that it was validated. I later found out that when he received my email he had already gotten married about a month prior. We broke up, mis-communication after that brought him to believe I never loved him and once I realized he thought that I felt I needed to set the record straight. I knew that he was still in love with me when I sent it, I knew he married her because of pressure. I knew if he married her it wouldn't be a happy marriage, it is actually worse than his 1st marriage. I also knew he needed to know how I felt, even if he were married and it was unhappy, he would know he had a choice and if he wasn't married he would know he had a choice. I am so happy I did it. It will stick with him forever, every time they fight, have an issue or he thinks how he should never have married her, he will think of me. We didn't break up because we didn't get along or fought, it was for another reason. Maybe someday down the road when this marriage ends, we will find our way back to one another. It was worth it even if he is currently married. Do IT!!!

As someone in the same boat, I did it! I sent the email. I did it when I found out he applied for a marriage license but I couldn't find that it was validated. I later found out that when he received my email he had already gotten married about a month prior. We broke up, mis-communication after that brought him to believe I never loved him and once I realized he thought that I felt I needed to set the record straight. I knew that he was still in love with me when I sent it, I knew he married her because of pressure. I knew if he married her it wouldn't be a happy marriage, it is actually worse than his 1st marriage. I also knew he needed to know how I felt, even if he were married and it was unhappy, he would know he had a choice and if he wasn't married he would know he had a choice. I am so happy I did it. It will stick with him forever, every time they fight, have an issue or he thinks how he should never have married her, he will think of me. We didn't break up because we didn't get along or fought, it was for another reason. Maybe someday down the road when this marriage ends, we will find our way back to one another. It was worth it even if he is currently married. Do IT!!!

I just don't know,,, I'm in the very same situation and i know its wrong and selfish but if he feels anything for me isn't it unfair not to tell him... Especiallyif deep down I know they're harboring some unresolved feelings....???

I just don't know,,, I'm in the very same situation and i know its wrong and selfish but if he feels anything for me isn't it unfair not to tell him... Especiallyif deep down I know they're harboring some unresolved feelings....???

Hmmmm.... I am slightly in the same situation myself. I will always love my ex, I thought I was going to marry him. Sadly, I still think that someday, somehow we will wind up together....I guess I believe he was and always will be my soul mate. Then I try and wake up from my fairytale thinking just the opposite. From reading everyone's responses, I am almost thinking about writing him an e-mail, but then I contemplate if he is actually going to get it or if his fiance will read & delete. My ex and I dated for 3 years, we broke up over a mis-understanding after my Grandmother's funeral. I was not thinking and he never let go. He really hurt my feelings, but now that I look back on it, I realize how hard he was begging for forgiveness. I moved on into a relationship that started as a friendship, but just really thought I should move on and not go back to my ex that hurt me so deeply. He never gave up. I seen him a few times and never wanted to leave him. His mother cried to me saying she always thought I was going to be her daughter-in-law. My ex's new fiance... welll, he knew her for 3 months and proposed. I felt like he did it because he lost me and she was probably a nice girl and he woke up and didnt want to mess up again. Here we are a year later and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. We live an hour away from eachother. We no longer have eachother's phone numbers....

I want to talk to him. I dont want to live with regret. I don't want to ruin anything if he is truly happy. This might sound over the edge, but I seen a few pictures of them through mutual friends and there is just something in his eyes and facial expressions that tell me he is not in love with this girl, i know why would he marry her if he wasnt.. i guess i mean that i think he still loves me. we were eachothers first love......

any suggestions??

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