It's very simple.
I'm assuming you are over 18, which makes you an adult. That means that no one can tell you how to live your life, including your family. They might not like your choices, but that's too bad. I suppose they have a right to express their disapproval--once--but to harp on you repeatedly is unacceptable, even if they do it in the name of religion. Especially if they do it in the name of religion.
Have you told them to lay off? If not, that's step one. Tell them you're sorry they don't approve of your choices, but you are an adult and don't need their approval. Their criticisms aren't going to change how you live your life, so they need to get over it and accept you the way you are.
If you ask them to stop and they won't, then you can either try to ignore it when you're with them or stop seeing them altogether until they leave you alone. Me, I would just bail, family or not. Life's too short to waste time listening to morally superior people condemn you because you aren't living as they think you should. It's none of their business!
Tell them you can't be around them as long as they are constantly criticizing and judging you about this or anything else in your life--it's a drag and they have no right. If and when they decide to let it go, then you'll be happy to come around again, but until then, I would make myself scarce. Who needs it?
Thanks for the question.
I totally feel this way also, except my family doesn't know I want to live with my BF yet. But my family is important to me, and my parents won't be around forever. I could tell them to "deal with it" and walk away if they don't, but at the same time, I don't want to look back when they're gone and see that I should've spent more time with them. I hate this situation.
If growing up in a religiously adherent home hasn't caused you to hold their same beliefs then be true to who you really are. Living with someone is only a sin if you believe it is.
A conscience can be a good guide, but guilt as a management technique for parents to use against adult children is wrong.
My parents are the same way. What worked for me was explaining what Cary said and also adding that it is just NOT practical to live on your own these days. Unless you have an unbelievable job that is paying you great money it is not easy for unmarried couples to simply buy their own apartments.
Most of our parents were married much younger than us as well, so they were getting married right out of school and moving in together as married couples. Our generation is operating very differently so the standards will need to change.
I don't think they'd have been to happy if they were waiting until they got married in their late 20's or early 30's to move in together!
I hold to your beliefs and also live in a conservative Christian home. As someone who believes they get where you're coming from, I would explain to them and yourself why you're not morally convicted on this. Give Biblical evidence if you have some, or explain why you don't think you need any. I can see how it would seem they are butting in, but if you give a very clear reason as to why you see this as a morally justifiable situation then they should stop pushing the subject. They, like my parents would, probably just think you're being sinful or compromising your values. Maybe if you explain and give warrant to your values they will lay off. Maybe you don't want to explain your reasoning, or maybe you don't think you need to justify your choice to anyone- but I don't think they will leave you alone until you do. I also think it will give you a peace of mind if you can argue your case and know that you made this decision with a sound mind.
Bad idea. This is not an argument that can be won with logic. If she takes the bait and gets into a Bible-verse pissing contest with them, it will never end. She will never convince them that what she's doing is okay, and she doesn't have to. She is an adult and can do what she wants--she doesn't owe them an explanation or a justification for her choices.
Spot on, as usual, Cary.
A thought though...and this may just be word semantics here, but I would not "tell them you're sorry they don't approve of your choices." For me, telling someone you're sorry means you accept responsibility for their disappointment. Yes, there are times when we do need to apologize when our actions hurt someone, but I think, in this case, it isn't warranted. Instead, I would say something like, "I understand that you do not approve of my decision...
Yes, very good point.
Coming from a conservative Christian family as well, I can see how you would not want to disrespect your family. My main concern is how they would view my bf who would continue to live with me knowing my family disapproves. It is one of those things that must be weighed. As for me, my family is very important to me, and I would want them to be accepting/approve my relationship. "Stop seeing them all together" doesn't sound realistic or healthy. (Sorry Cary). Family is important! If you continue to live with your bf, ask them to be understanding and to not judge you solely based on your living situation. Unfortunately, this topic will always be the elephant in the room.
No apology necessary. I actually agree with you--family is important. But if you are under attack every time you see them for a life choice that you, an adult, have every right to make, then sometimes the best solution is to remove yourself from the attackers for a while. I did not mean permanently, though it sounds like I did. I meant until they can get over it and accept your choices and stop bullying you.