You're right MM. For people dependant on something, no matter what it is, admitting that they are, indeed, dependant is the first step. Unfortunately, you can't really do anything until they admit it. You can't be his nurse nor his psychiatrist, although I know you want to be there for him and it is HARD as hell to just be there, witnessing the whole thing and waiting for him to realize that he's not only hurting himself but everyone else around him. I have unfortunately no smart thing to say to make you feel better. You can probably find help and seek advice on the Internet or maybe try and talk to someone from an AA program near your house?

MM, if you allow me to ask, what keeps you from drinking again? How do you fight the urge? Does it ever fade overtime?

Just make sure to be there for your dad. Some part of him probably realizes he has a problem even if he won't admit it right now. That takes guts though to tell him how you feel about his drinking so kudos. I hope everything works out for you guys. Good luck.

I was married to an alcoholic & its sucks…, plain & simple. I feel your pain. I tried hiding bottles, but he bought more. I tried, “If you quit drinking, I quit smoking.” The only thing it got me was a healthier me; I haven’t smoke in 9 years. (that’s a good thing) What I have learned, is what Myst is telling you. It doesn’t matter what you do or say. It’s him & his disease. HE has to realize they have a drinking problem & act on it. If he EVER asks for help to kick it, be the first one in line. I wish I had more for you. Best of luck!

My Dad is an alcoholic too. He has gotten drunk to the point of passing out almost every day for the last 10 years. Lately, he starts his first glass of wine around noon. Everyone in my family has warned him about his alcoholism, but to no end. He won't listen to anyone.

Hi I am the asker. Thanks MM for sharing your personal experience and advice. Thanks everyone else for your replies, they are all very helpful. He has been very successful professionally and I think maybe in part the drinking after work is some kind of stress relief. He has always done this since ever since I was a child, however I have recently moved back to my parents house and it is only now that i see it for what is it. None of my other siblings live at home anymore and none of them see his drinking as anything out of the ordinary and although my mother will agree he drinks too much she also doesn't think there is any harm in it. I would never have necessarily called it alcoholism - I just see him as a semi retired late 60s man who sits in his study every evening and drinks between one and three bottles a night. He is never rowdy or acts crazy or hungover or anything like that - he is just literally wasted. Even though he is doing nobody any harm it niggles at me because I feel like he should be taking care of himself more. He did stop for a month after my incessant pestering and because he has started to look like crap and his hands noticeably shake quite badly. But he is now back on the drink and i hate seeing my father in a state where is incapable of understanding a conversation or unable to form a sentence. I feel like now that he is semi-retired he should be going out there and doing something fun, getting healthy rather than diminishing in front of the tv with his wine. Just recently, there was an security situation at work during the middle of the night and because he was so drunk he was unable to understand what was going on and unable to obviously drive himself out to sort this situation out. I was completely frustrated with him told him that I was ashamed of him - which i then felt awful about - even though I really shouldn't have because the next day he had no recollection of anything!!! In some ways i feel like i should leave him alone, because he has lived his life - he had a tough one, he worked extremely hard for all of us and he is just trying to unwind but in other ways i feel like i should try to change his lifestyle because now he's getting old, he has high blood pressure, he needs to moderate his alcohol intake before he damages himself. I don't drink that much at all so maybe I am too sensitive to his drinking. Torn.

I live in a family where everybody drinks too much. Every single person is either an actively drinking alcoholic or an adult child of an alcoholic. Most are both, and nobody in the family (except me) thinks there is any problem. What MM says is absolutely true - there is nothing you can do until your father decides to seek help on his own. There is also nothing you can do to wake your family up. HOWEVER, there are still tools that you can learn to help you cope with this without giving in to pestering, anxiety, worry, or shame about it with your father and family. I have felt and done all of those things, and none of them worked or had any long-term effect except to make me angrier and them drink more. The relationships started to deteriorate.

I have been a member of Al-Anon, the sister group of Alcoholics Anonymous, for almost four years. Al-Anon is for people who are affected by another person's drinking. It helped a lot as I coped (and continue to cope) with the people in my life who drink too much. I learned tools, strategies, skills, and was surrounded by loving, caring, understanding people as I applied them. My life and the alcholics' lives are much improved since I began using this program. I would encourage you to check out meetings in your area - as many as possible, because every one of them has their own style and feel and you want to find the one that feels right to you - you'll know it when you find it. Here is a link to their website and meeting schedules. My prayers are with you.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/