It doesn't have to mean that. You think it symbolizes that he doesn't love you, but what if it's the other way around? Maybe he fears you only love him because of his wealth and signing the pre-nup is his way of taking the stack of cash out of the equation.
It sounds like having an open dialogue about why he feels he wants a pre-nup signed would be important. You can also tell him how it makes you feel. Maybe he has no clue that you think the pre-nup has a lot of negative connotations.
He could be one of those cross the "Ts" and dot the "Is" guys about everything in his life. He likes to keep order and make plans for any and all future outcomes, so to him the pre-nup could be as logical and benign as getting catering for the wedding or ensuring there's a handicap ramp so your Aunt Edna can get to the reception --just another modern-day wedding logistic. Or, maybe he's been burned in the past by women who have dated him only for his thick stack of Grover Cleveland's.
The best and most likely scenario, assuming you're both open and loving people, is that after this pre-nup convo you will feel understood and closer. Closer to him and closer to his money$!! I mean... to him, yeah to him.
Is he planning on putting you his life insurance? Well, if we go with your logic that means doesn’t feel he is going to live. Doesn’t make any sense, does it? You shouldn’t get your panties all bunched up. If you are suspect over the “why” factor, put a clause in there that says if the marriage fails do to him cheating, verbal/physical abuse or what have you…, the agreement is null & void. Good luck!
A lot of people fail to realize that it's only been a recent development that people would get married without some kind of contract. And that's mainly in the west. For Muslims, you CANNOT get married by the Imam without first drawing up a contract of what the two people expect out of the marriage. The Pre nup is now back after a 50 year hiatus. I say sign the damn thing. He loves you enough to want to marry you.
Amit, is right it doesn't have to be something negative, not if you two really love each other. With that said, GIRL DON'T SIGN ANYTHING WITHOUT HAVING A LAWYER LOOK OVER IT FIRST.
You doing this is not a dig or payback at him. If he wants to make sure he's protected, then you need to do the same. Love is great now and all. But 15 years from and 2 kids later, you don't wanna be left out in the cold, while a 20yo is enjoying the fruits of your labor. So just make sure there are clauses in your pre-nup that protect you and any potential offspring in case things do go south, which I pray they won't.
So I hope you have a beautiful wedding.
"GIRL DON'T SIGN ANYTHING WITHOUT HAVING A LAWYER LOOK OVER IT FIRST."
"...put a clause in there that says if the marriage fails do to him cheating, verbal/physical abuse or what have you…, the agreement is null & void."
Exactly. I think these are the best two pieces of advice so far.
While I am personally against the idea behind a pre-nup, with today's no-fault divorce laws and people not taking their marriages seriously enough, you have to protect yourself.
I also think that the "he's afraid you're going to hurt HIM" explanation could be a valid one. The only reason I would ever think about making my financé sign a pre-nup is to make sure I don't get screwed in case he goes off and does something worth divorcing him over, like having an affair.
Even the most committed and loving couples aren't immune to things like cheating, physical abuse, abandonment, etc. in the long run. Pessimistic but true.
I on the other hand am all for pre-nup. If the other person has a lot of money, it's only fair and smart to get it done. I assume you love _HIM_, not his money. Jlove and M said what I was thinking.
What I'm getting to is this: me and my love have been planning on buying a house. He owns a car. I own a beach property. We're young and I love him very, very much, but do I love him 20 years from now? I can't say this to be 100% sure. I just can't. I want to, but... Nope, can't be sure.
I want it to be so, that should there come a time when we'd separate, he gets to keep his car, and I get to keep the property I own (it's been in my family for generations and that car is a -70 volvo amazon he inherited from his parents). The house we're planning on buying will either be sold, or other one of us can buy the half the other one owns. This is something we find to be a sign of love: We're making a contract that says money doesn't matter, it's just us and our life together in that house that matters.
"He recently added me to his health insurance - I'm really hurt that he doesn't trust me to look after my health."
"He added as a secondary driver on his car insurance and I'm hurt that he doesn't trust me to drive a car without getting in accidents."
"He took out life insurance on me after we bought our house - does that mean he's planning on killing me?"
Planning ways to avoid being ruined by events out of your control doesn't mean you're expecting or hoping they'll happen. It may not mesh with the idyllic vision of two people running through a meadow together holding hands, but it's a reality for people with assets.
To cite a reverse from the norm example, Liz Taylor was estimated to be worth a startling $600 million when she divorced random construction worker (or whatever) Larry Fortensky. She offered $2 million as a settlement and he wanted more. Why exactly did he deserve any money? Did he help her earn that money? From what I understand she did it by making shrewd investments with her acting income and, ironically, taking massive sums of money and gifts from men when she was younger.
Jlove is right though - *NEVER* sign any legal document without reading it carefully and understanding it fully and, if necessary for understanding, having a lawyer review it. Never trust the person on the other side of the contract to interpret or explain a contract.