my fiance is a 6'4", 280lb couch potato. i want him to lose 50lbs of belly fat & stop drinking 1.5 ltrs of red wine per nite. he's always stressed, angry, yelling & depressed. my libido isn't impressed with the sweating, farts & belching. he looks like a slob, smells of wine in bed and won't work out. help!
Mystery Man answered this question on
October 21, 2011 1:30 AM
Why you telling me? I ain't the fat, drunken, farting slob, nor do I know him to kick him hard on your behalf.
Tell him. Loudly and frequently until he either sighs and gets off his fat backside, or pitches a fit and breaks your engagement. Wiseass just did a nice post on how to tell your guy things politely. I suggest you read it.
Either way you win. Don't you?
Did he just suddenly become like this after the engagement?!? Or was he like this before? Either way, that's a preview of what the married life's gonna be. Men don't just suddenly change their habits unless there's compelling reasons, and apparently lack of sex isn't compelling enough to change.
Rather than finding ways to tell him, I'd advise you to do some serious reflection on this engagement. . .
Yikes, I feel your pain, and boy can I relate! This past Summer my boyfriend (who's a total jock) broke one of his toes, and like your fiance' -- after 5 weeks of just waiting to mend, showed absolutely no interest in wanting to move again. His ortho doc told him he needed to start up again after the 6th week, but every time I'd remind him of that, he'd give me this pained/mildly annoyed look, and just focus on work again.
I finally gave him an ultimatum when he stood me up for a work-related party that he'd planned weeks before on attending with me. Since I knew he couldn't really run or cycle yet, I invited him to swim with me mornings before work, and to do weight training with me every other evening. At first, he dragged his feet and acted like I was badgering him to do it. Once he realized just how invigorating and mood altering swimming could be at 5:45 AM, and how that could set the tone for the rest of the day, it was smooth sailing from then on. The upside to all of it for me has been that it's been great talking to him so early in the morning when his mind is clear and free of stress, and for him it's been that he's finally feeling like his old self again.
My advice to you: make him feel emotionally supported, but be honest and truthful about the expectations you have of him. Tell him that you care about him, but that you won't support his unhealthy habits or behaviors, especially when you see how miserable they're making him. And stress that you're willing to help him help himself in any way you can -- even if it means becoming his exercise bud.
The man you pick is the man you get. Listen to Mr. X. You are getting a preview. Yikes.
Did he just recently gain all that weight? Or was a he a bigger guy since you met him? Did he used to be physically active and now he's not? If all of this is new, it could be a sign of some severe depression. Is work tough for him lately? Is the drinking new?
If everything is fine, and he's just decided to become a slob after landing you, I would have SERIOUS issues with that. I mean, ask him how would he feel if you stopped bathing every day, changing your clothes, and overall just let yourself go. After talking to him about what is going on in his life to see if there are new stresses that you aren't aware of (assuming these are new habits he's picked up), honestly, I would tell him that you care too much about him to see him living such an unhealthy life, and so if that is how he is going to live, goodbye. Not only is it sexually unappealing and gross, it's NOT healthy and will probably do nothing to keep him living as long as possible. He doesn't sound like someone I'd want to have kids with at this point, just from a health perspective.
Did he just recently gain all that weight? Or was a he a bigger guy since you met him? Did he used to be physically active and now he's not? If all of this is new, it could be a sign of some severe depression. Is work tough for him lately? Is the drinking new?
If everything is fine, and he's just decided to become a slob after landing you, I would have SERIOUS issues with that. I mean, ask him how would he feel if you stopped bathing every day, changing your clothes, and overall just let yourself go. After talking to him about what is going on in his life to see if there are new stresses that you aren't aware of (assuming these are new habits he's picked up), honestly, I would tell him that you care too much about him to see him living such an unhealthy life, and so if that is how he is going to live, goodbye. Not only is it sexually unappealing and gross, it's NOT healthy and will probably do nothing to keep him living as long as possible. He doesn't sound like someone I'd want to have kids with at this point, just from a health perspective.