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My fiance likes to "talk" during sex. Not dirty talk necessarily. I'm more quiet I guess but would like to be more vocal. I'm just so focused on making him feel good & what he's doing to make me feel good to come up with "talk." What do I do?

Wait. It's not dirty talk? What does he talk about? The weather? Fantasy football? What caused the blackout on FlashForward?

So he's a talker in the bedroom. That's cool. Sound can be a big turn on for guys. It's why porn stars are experts at saying things like "Oooh!" and "That's it!" and "But I didn't order a pizza."  Have you ever tried watching porn on mute? It's weird. You start to focus on random things like the terrible lighting and how every porno seems to be filmed in the same ranch style Southern California home. Anyway....

Try talking back to him sometime. See how he responds. It doesn't have to be filthy; say something sweet or just something that shows him you're engaged. It's great that you are so focused on making him feel good, but make sure he knows that you're present in the moment. You don't have to give him a play-by-play, just maybe a few updates here and there.

If talking isn't your thing, that's also okay. But it could be fun to give it a try. Be spontaneous; don't write a script. (Unless that's your thing.)

Seriously, though...what does he talk about in bed that's not "dirty"? Does he run down the grocery list? Tell you about the new sandwich place he found for lunch? Recite from the works of Gabriel Garcia Marquez? The mind boggles! 
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48 Comments

TheMetalHead

I've always heard that communication is good, so I know where you're coming from in wanting to be more vocal. My first few times were fairly silent, which made it a bit awkward. Once I finally got over my embarrassment of talking (which at first involved little jokes about what we were doing) I was a lot more comfortable and thus enjoyed myself more.
Anyway, just like Nadel was getting at, why not talk to him about those things you're doing to make him feel good? Ask him if it does feel good, what he wants, and tell him about what he's doing and how it's making you feel.

Michael Swaim

I find joking in bed to be a big turn on. Porn has conditioned us to take sex so seriously; it's bullshit. Sex should be like any activity you do with your partner...it can be hot, fun, romantic, intense, or all of the above. And, more importantly, it can be quiet, loud, or anywhere in between. Ask your boyfriend if your talking would turn him on. Just because he talks doesn't mean he expects or wants you to...try not to feel a pressure to live up to sexual expectations as much as a freedom to always try new things. It's arguably just a mental difference, but it can do wonders.

AngelBabyGirl

WOW & I thought I was the only one with speakn in the "moment"! Once my hubbs(who's a gr8 talker & I F*^&% LOVE IT) said my name(takin a bow,thank you), & I figured I would try to join in & it went something like this ....him."Baby..." me".........huh?'. OMG I wanted to die cuz even to me it sounded retarded & even more when he laughed so hard we had to take a break!!

Molly

this whole post made me giggle! i can't imagine having an intellectual conversation while going at it...but then again i have trouble chewing gum & walking at the same time. thanks for the laugh!

Dektora

Haha, Molly! Now I'm picturing having sex while talking about the economical situation or some political debate! It's indeed akward but funny nontheless...

Nick Nadel

Exactly my point! Is he discussing the global economic crisis? Adam Lambert on the American Music Awards? Who got kicked off Dancing the Stars? What???

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I would have to say that means hes bored. I have caught myself saying something that I saw on tv or that I forgot to do.... only if for some reason I have lost interest in what we are doing.

Dektora

Well, I guess by "Not dirty talk necessarily", the questionner ment her man says stuff like "You are beautifull" ot "you smell great" more often than "I want to [CENSORED] your [CENSORED] with my [CENSORED] while you [CENSORED]"

Some people are more vocal than others, some are louder too. And I don't mean just in bed, I mean in general. I can understand that striking a conversation while having sex may be more of a distraction than a turn on to you, but if you are usually at ease to talk with your boyfriend, I'm sure you can work something out :)

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The first time I ever had sex, I talked... like... the same way I'd have talked if we were having dinner or riding in the car. We still kind of laugh about that sometimes. I was too nervous about doing something wrong to not talk. And he understood that, and he talked with me because he knew it would help me relax. Yay for teamwork. And then we went to dinner and had absolutely nothing to say. hahaha.

machinewoman

instead of talking dirty to me, i once had an ex talk philosophy to me. it was HOT. i mean, i am a philosophy nerd so arguments and discussions really get a rise out of me intellectually. so couple that with physical arousal, and i thought i was going to die. it didn't make me climax per se, but having physical and intellectual (versus physical and emotional) stimuli was a very interesting and new sensation.

i like joking during sex too, but i find that i'm the only one laughing. i guess small penis jokes are funny elsewhere. so are jokes about chlamydia.

Courtney

A big problem I had for awhile is guys just like, wanting to chat during sex. Sorry dudes, I am not in the mood to talk about ANYthing. Don't ask me how I like it, don't ask me what we should do next, don't make me think. Just do it. The minute I start thinking about stuff, then I wonder when my next homework assignment is due, I wonder if Swaim answered my guyspeak question, I wonder what time I'm going to have to wake up in the morning to get to work on time, and worst of all: I start wondering if my ass looks fat from whatever angle it is at the moment. That is not a good place for my mind to be when I wanna bang!

Megan

I speak in a russian accent that if he doesn't pound me harder I shall set him loose in the forest and hunt him with my bare hands and teeth.

It's funny and sexy!

Or pretend to be Canadian. That one never gets old.

2good4u

I find joking around (in the beginning of foreplay) to be sexy, too, but then, I'm all business. I'm French and a Scorpio, after all, so let's get to the O for both of us! It's an astrological and cultural passionate "flaw", I can't help it. I used to tease my talkative ex by saying that he "will get the pillow" if he doesn't shut up and let me do my thing. LOL. He did get the pillow over his face on numerous occasions, which led to more fun in bed. It gave me a feeling of control and it gave him the, "OMG...I'm totally sleeping with a naughty girl" feeling, which got him hot. Talking is Cool and the Gang when you're about to get down, but I've got other ideas in mind and like most women, need to concentrate and still keep it hot & sexy while trying to achieve the ever-elusive O...so, show your man your other ideas, too. Whatever those may be. Make a game or torture out of it. Either way, it'll liven things up for your "talker". Tip: A play-by-play commentary can be fun, too. "OK, he's at her G-spot...he's ready to score...and OH BOY, he hit that one out of the park, folks. It's a home run for Johnny. OHHHH MY FRIGGIN' GOD...Let's see if he can do it again!" :)

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