The first thing I'd do is put the brakes on any wedding plans. I'm talking both feet and the emergency hand brake, too. You shouldn't even think about marrying this guy until you sort out this problem, and, yes, it's a problem.
Lots of relationships cool off over time. That hot, intense, "do me now!" spark you have for each other at first can be replaced by a deeper, more mature love that's based less on physical attraction and sexual desire and more on shared experiences and a growing appreciation for your partner's character and depth. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but of course we would all prefer to have both passion and mature love in our relationships for as long as they last. Many people do, but I think more do not.
Both men and women can lose romantic interest in their partners, but conventional thinking suggests that men do it more often. I don't know if this is true or not. I do know that some men love the chase more than the actual prize, and this might explain why they cool off once they have won a woman's heart. They got what they wanted and now they don't have to try so hard anymore; that's when the "sweet little things" you mention stop happening. If your man's cold spell started shortly after you agreed to marry him, this is something to consider.
Whatever the cause, if he's losing interest before you even get married, that's no good, because it's not likely that he will become more romantic after you are married. If you are already dissatisfied, you don't need to carry this relationship any further until you get to the bottom of what's going on.
Does he still love you? Does he still want to marry? Why the change in behavior? You have a right to ask, and he owes you some answers.
You've seen that your fiance can be sweet and romantic when he wants to, and that's probably the guy you fell in love with. If the guy you're about to marry is different from that, I suggest you stop and reassess what you're doing. Marriage isn't easy, and if you settle for less from the start, it will be that much harder.
Couldn't agree with you more! I was in a sexless marriage and it was torture. You've got to have some passion and spark. And, in my opinion, that's not something that develops over time. If it's not there now, I don't see it happening down the road. My ex and I didn't even have makeup sex. Basically, I had a roommate, and it was awful.
Did something significant happen? I have a friend who went through something similar and he sought help and realized he was a bit depressed and wasn't managing it well.
I hope it works out for you. I want him to want you. And if things don't get better, GET OUT NOW!
Oh this makes me so sad. We were all about the sex. Until about 2 months after we became engaged. My reasoning? I started using anti-depression meds. Now, we're lucky if we have it once every three months. It breaks my heart that I am not really interested in it. We have become roommates who cuddle and say "I love you."
The difference? We talk about it. He understands that I can't stand feeling that way, and why. We've tried switching meds, and it hasn't helped. But I agree with you, Cary - you have to learn to talk about these things BEFORE you get married. If you can't talk about it, you shouldn't get married.
Once you two became engaged, you were suddenly in a different place in your relationship. Maybe he thinks he no longer needs to do those little things to try and win you over because he already has won your heart. Now you are making wedding plans and plans for the future, and it is usually a whirlwind trying to get all that done. Grooms often feel like an outsider while all of this planning is going on. Perhaps the idea of getting married is scaring or overwhelming him and that is why it seems like he has withdrawn from you. He may have a serious case of cold feet.
I've got some questions, though. Are you still doing those little, sweet romantic things for HIM? Or are you all wrapped up in getting ready for the wedding and perhaps not paying as much attention to him as you used to. Before you talk to him about this, make sure that you are still paying attention to him the way you did when you were first dating. If you are still doing those things, then I agree with Cary. You need to talk to him and work this out. Put those marriage plans on hold until you find out what is on his mind and why things have changed.
i always love your comments, you should really answer questions here too!
I agree with Cary's response and the other comments.
If you haven't left anything out of your question, say getting carried away at a bachelorette party or some such that would make your fiance turn cold on you, you should ask yourself if there have been other changes in his behavior lately. There's no nice way to put this, but when this happened to me it's because there was another woman.
I agree with the Wise Ass and the other commenters. It's very sad, but if he has already stopped trying, he definitely won't get better after getting hitched. Time to reassess the relationship. You deserve someone who wants to show you affection and love!