Tell him to STFU before you whack him with your cane.
Ha ha, just kidding.
Uh...hello? You still there?
Allllrighty then. Moving right along....
Here's your problem, sister: you are engaged to a boy, not a man. I say this because a man knows that you never EVER tease a woman over 30 about her age, especially the woman that you love. A boy still thinks age jokes are funny and is too dense to realize the correlation between his humor and the lack of nookie in his life. He'll learn, though. Will he ever.
I can't say if there's more to this than him just being unschooled in the ways of women. Maybe he's really just kidding, maybe he's not. You've heard the expression, "Many a truth is told in jest." There's always a chance that deep down he has an issue with your age difference, even if he's not fully aware of it. This is something you two might want to explore together before you walk down the aisle.
If there's nothing more to it than him being goofy, then tell him -- yet again -- that it bugs you and to knock it the F off. Whether or not you're being oversensitive is moot. If it bothers you, he should stop. Duh.
I really hope the wedding isn't anytime soon. This boy needs a lot of work. Get cracking on him while there's still time, lady.
Eh, I don't know how much time I'd take to "get cracking." He's young, and you can't change that. Sounds like he has an issue with the age difference. If he's saying that to your face, I'd wonder what he says when you're not around. Lord help him if refers to you as his "old lady." I VERY briefly dated a guy about 5 years younger than me. He told me I was quite sexy. For my age. See ya later, homeslice! That's just me, though.
I don't know, 26 shouldn't be too young to know the difference between being playful and poking a sleeping bear. Most people learn early on that shit doesn't end well when you start making fun of your partner's insecurities.
Very good points, all the way around. But she said he thinks she's oversensitive, which implies she's told him how she feels before. And being engaged, I'm not sure how "early on" this is. You're right, in most cases 26 shouldn't be too young. But not in this one, it seems. You want to have a relationship, or you want to raise a child? Again, just me.
I think he's probably just trying to make a joke and failing miserably. But I've found a more effective response than whining or complaining is to say something playful like -- this is the line. You just crossed waaaay over it. If you want to get to my side of the line again (where my boobs live), you better knock off the old talk.
Love the tag, "yo sound the bell school's in sucka." HA! He definitely needs to learn that it's wrong to hurt your feelings. Why would someone do that to somebody they love?
Ok, here's my broken record...Cary, great advice, as usual! I swear if you and I weren't both married, I'd be hopping a plane to GA to buy you a drink!
Cary knows how I feel about him. lol
I too have given up posting all about how I consistently agree with him and how I'd be pursuing his hotness if it were single for fear of sounding like a vinyl disc with a needle stuck in it. ;-)
Wise-Ass, I appreciate your answers. In many of them, you say that women are entitled to their feelings whether the guy agrees or not, and that the guy should stop whatever behavior is hurting their partner. My ex always accused me of being too sensitive as an excuse to keep treating me badly. Partly with your advice, I am learning to not be ashamed of negative feelings that I have and to not always feel like I have to justify them to someone else. Thank you.
Thanks, y'all.
Bryana, everyone is entitled to their feelings whether anyone else agrees or not. I believe it's a mistake to measure feelings in terms of right or wrong; they just are. "Too sensitive" or "overreacting" are judgment calls; who's to say how much sensitivity is too much? Where's the meter for which reactions are acceptable and which push the needle into the red?
We are who we are, and we feel what we feel. Some are more sensitive than others, yes, but that doesn't make them wrong. It just is. People who claim to love us should worry less about negating our feelings and more about what they can do (or stop doing) to help us not feel that way. Right or wrong doesn't matter because it's not applicable.
Listen, I'm only 30 days older than my boyfriend, and for those 30 days each year, he rubs it in "just how much older" I am. I’m positive he is going to do this for 30 days each year for the rest of our lives (because he said so). I know him, though, and I know he wouldn't intentionally say something to hurt me. I also know that he and I share a unique playful banter that only exists because of the level of trust I have in him and us and vice-versa.
If this isn't your situation, just tell him. If you're planning on getting married to this man, you should probably know what his idea of humor is and what issues he may have about your relationship. Maybe he's just dense to the situation and needs a firm explanation. If not, it may be a good idea to reevaluate a few things (namely, your own views on your age, his views on his own age, your trust in his intentions, and his intentions).
Thanks Cary, et al!
We have been together 3 years and I must say, he definitely has matured and has worked hard on being more cautious/conscientious with his words. And I have been working hard on letting some things slide when they come out of his mouth without malice. It was definitely hard at first where I was in a professional job with a Masters degree and he was just out college, living in a campus apt. with roommates. Now we have a house and we both work hard and share responsibilities.
We actually go to counseling and are good at communicating, and I've learned to be direct when he says something hurtful instead of getting sad and ruminating. However, it's hard to tell sometimes if he is being insensitive or I am being over-sensitive. So that's when I turn to asking Internet folk for their opinions. :)
I truly don't believe he says things with purpose to hurt me (I did have an ex who did that). I think it's just a mix of an extended bachelor life plus immaturity, plus not thinking things through before he speaks. It's when he gets all defensive about it that I get upset. He's very quick to say that I'm just an overly sensitive person or that he can't censor everything that comes from his mouth, he didn't mean it like that, or that he just has a playful, childlike nature. I get all that, I do, but enough with the old comments!! It's hard enough being "old" in are media saturated/ youth obsessed culture without a fiance reminding you. A couple further examples of me getting randomly offended...
When telling him about some cool people our age that I met at work he says "Our age??? You mean *your* age."
When first dating he reminded me frequently "I've never dated a blond girl before. I always thought they were dumb."
He used to comment daily about "hot chicks" via tv or etc. and has stopped that since I told him I don't really appreciate it.
Kick his ass, Sea Bass!
He'll learn.
Hes too young for you. Immature. Get a man.
Tell him this:
"You hit your sexual peak at 18, you young sprout, but I have yet to hit mine. Put that in your bottle and suck on it!"
Then if he gets all hurt, say, "Well, that's how you make me feel. You're being too sensitive!"
Or, if the above is too nasty for your taste, telling him flat-out that this is mean and you're not going to tolerate it anymore would work, too.