Well, this is bound to be the least funny advice column this Funny Guy's ever written, but here goes: as misfortune would have it, a dear friend of mine died a year ago this month as well. In fact, he was the first "dead person" I've ever known (yes, I've been that lucky). The first funeral, the first unbelievable phone call, the first shocking absence.
And I learned something from that experience: grief is a hairy motherfucker. Death is something we all have to face, and in a lot of ways it's beyond our normal modes of comprehension. The effects it has on us are varied, and it's not our place to judge anyone's grieving process, unless their grieving process is to hurl typewriters at laughing children or something.
Your friend's friend and his girlfriend had to go through the same process you did, and they've learned their own lessons, been affected in their own ways. Is a year too soon? Five years? Ten years? Who's to say your dead friend wouldn't WANT his girlfriend to find happiness and solace with someone he valued so highly.
Let it be. In the face of death, love is all we have. I'm absolutely positive that these two mean no disrespect, or you wouldn't have called them "his girlfriend" and "his best friend." Unless you think they plotted his demise, then they're just bystanders trying to make sense of it all, the same as you.
I'm sorry for your loss, and for the paltry laughs in this post, but I thought this was something worth discussing. Life is short and often arbitrary; begrudging someone else's happiness will just make it seem all the shorter.
The dead want for us what we want for those we will leave behind. The dead want us to live. Live.
In the grand scheme of things, does this really matter?
Auntie Mame always said "You've got to Live! Live! Live!!, Life is a banquet and we're all starving to death".
My thoughts exactly...does it really matter? He has passed...should she stay alone forever feeling sad and lonely?
who knows, maybe this was all meant to be and they were both very close to this person then this tradgedy happened to bring them both to their soulmate
Don't fucking say that "it was meant to be" bullshit....please....
you have NO IDEA how painful it is to hear someone simplify and play down your loved one's death as it was "meant to be" so they feel better about it- as if there is "a plan"
Get a clue
Thanks for the answer. Spoiler- Im the guy dating my dead best friends "girlfriend" and i feel the same way you all do. i just wasn't going to say it was me if you were all going to compare me to machiavelli or something.
Thanks for the answer. Spoiler- Im the guy dating my dead best friends "girlfriend" and i feel the same way you all do. i just wasn't going to say it was me if you were all going to compare me to machiavelli or something
See, lying to an internet audience is actually a grave moral wrong, so now you're screwed.
its not lying to with hold information is it? the only thing i have to worry about is being haunted i think.
Two of the people who loved this person the most are now together. Maybe he would have wanted that, maybe he's watching you and he's happy. Maybe he's too busy in the afterlife to worry about you being together. And I guess you both remember how much you loved him and can always share a bond that few others could understand.
I agree with all the other posts. In fact, my husband has said that if anything ever happend to him he'd want me and our two sons to go to our best friend (and the boys godfather)... I think that in that kind of situation, the two surviving people all ready share a love for the person who's passed on, and there's all ready a level of trust, love, and familiarity that sometimes takes years to build (granted, it's a bit different from the husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but still...). So who's to say it's wrong?
I see absolutely nothing wrong with the two of you dating... I'm a widow, lost my husband almost 6 years ago. I can definitely see how two people who were very close to the one lost would be drawn together. It makes sense that you would... I mean, you both were great friends with the one who's gone, which means you must have things in common... right? PLUS, as I know from experience, tragedy can either draw people together or push them apart. In MY case, it was apart... I lost touch with a great many of my husbands friends and family members, not because I pushed them away, but because they pushed ME away. Their excuse? "seeing you reminds me of him, and I just can't handle that right now". which sucks.
Those people suck! Really, that is not cool. OMG to desert you like that, wow!
Personally, if i was dead I'd rather my ex date my best friend rather than some stranger I never met. If they both made me happy they could probably make each other happy and I would want that for my best friend and the person I was in love with. (Note: Only if I'm dead, and he's mine again when we're in heaven together. lol.)
I'm in the same situation. My best friend passed away almost a year ago at the age of twenty. I am not that much older them he is. I've devolped a very close bond with his ex girlfriend and am seriously considering persuing something more then just friends. I find myself asking myself if he would want that for us. I always think it's really soon to be thinking about that, or if I should be thinking about that at all. If you would have told me two years ago that this post would be taking place I might have spit in your face, but after the tragedy I am different I guess.
I am also in the same situation. My best Friend whom ive lived with for 3 years, passed away. he had been dating this girl off and on and I talked to her once and didnt like her. i never had a conversation with her after that, maybe once when they were drunk. but after he passed away, I found she was the only one really there for me and she felt the same and we spent every second of every day together, not really thinking anything of it. I felt this sense that i needed to protect her and be there no matter what.. its what he would have wanted. He trusted me the most out of anyone and I feel like Like it was my destiny to be with her. like i was put here to care for her my whole life when this happend.. considering i hated her one second, and now im in love with her and am going to spend the rest of my life with her. In no way shape or form am i saying his death was meant to happen.. there isnt a second that goes by that i dont think of him.. but its life and ive learned to move on, but not forget. It was very confusing at first and I had no idea what to do.. i have never been in love, never had a serious relationship or even a girlfriend.. so me feeling these feelings was the strongest thing ive ever felt and knew there was nothing i could do to stop it.. just hoping she felt the same.. and she did. Everyone of our friends is supportive of it, and his dad, like my dad too, Is ecstatic for us. We will be naming our first child after him. anyways.. there is nothing wrong with it, ive spoken to counselors, family, friends, tons of people, trying to figure out what to do, and they all said the same thing.. its what he would have wanted, he trusted you more than anyone else in this world and he knows that you will take care of her. go for it akookss, He would have wanted his best friend to take care of his love. I feel the same way
My husband past away last year I'm now dating his best friend. All of his family hates be with a capitol H. I have no idea how this happened. I feel like he was there for me in a time of sorrow. When my husband was ill his family acted like I didnt exist. His family never really liked me. His mom thought I was taking away her son. Its hard to say what you would do until it happens to you. We have 3 beautiful children together and i miss him dearly, but i do feel that I need to keep going in life.
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Thanks, i was beginning to worry if these feelings were wrong. I hardly knew my buddy's girlfriend and she has seemed to reach out to me for support and we are quickly becoming close friends.
The death is very fresh and very tragic but I'm a bit concerned to bond with this chick.
I think my main belief is already like how they have said this above. What made me a close buddy was everything we shared in common. We have similar personalities and mentality. Like the 9/11 firefighters it's almost a natural transition to find someone who is almost the same as a dead EX.
And as bad as this loss can get, the more i am sharing comfort and solace in the girl , the more i am truly impressed with how they found each other
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Thanks, i was beginning to worry if these feelings were wrong. I hardly knew my buddy's girlfriend and she has seemed to reach out to me for support and we are quickly becoming close friends.
The death is very fresh and very tragic but I'm a bit concerned to bond with this chick.
I think my main belief is already like how they have said this above. What made me a close buddy was everything we shared in common. We have similar personalities and mentality. Like the 9/11 firefighters it's almost a natural transition to find someone who is almost the same as a dead EX.
And as bad as this loss can get, the more i am sharing comfort and solace in the girl , the more i am truly impressed with how they found each other
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I lost my husband two weeks ago. Ever since, his best friend has been right there by me. He has made sure that i am not left alone & have something to do each day. We were all very close and of course have a lot in common. I have noticed myself already feeling more than friends and I can tell that he does too. Nothing physical has happened yet. I suppose when it feels right it will happen. Personally, I feel very alone and pissed off really because my husband killed himself. He let me & my kids find him. I should be being held by him right now but I have no contact like that. I want so badly to be touched by a man so I can understand the feelings that she isk probably having. This page made me feel better about what is happening. I am interested to know if the relationship from last year worked out....
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